Happens all the time. I just laugh and say you don't get credit for this. Laugh it off cause it won't change.

Anonymous wrote:When you start doing chores, you say "Hey, DH, I'm doing X, would you do me a favor and do Y?" Don't try to analyze why DH hasn't helped you yet, why he doesn't care about the house being clean, etc. Just tell him what you want him to do.

I think approaching this as a "favor" is a mistake. Wouldn't you be annoyed it someone was constantly asking you to do favors? Instead these tasks need to be treated as the responsibilities that come with owning a home and having a child.

Sounds like you're allowing this. Just don't clean up. Leave it all out. See how many days it takes for him to take the initiative to do so. Also don't feed the kids. They won't starve. See if he notices and feeds them.

Mmm... well, my DH is so oblivious that he doesn't even do that.

Your husband doesn't want to help that's why he offers at the end of your cleaning. As for giving him tasks ? LOL, that is silly. He's not a child and I'm pretty sure he's aware of what's going on. He figures you won't like the way he does it so why bother ? You do know he does cleaning half ass on purpose right ? He does.

The one bright spot in all of this is you now know his standards for cleaning are low and he really could care less if the kitchen or house is spotless. That leaves you with knowing you don't HAVE to kill yourself cleaning unless YOU want to. And if you want things clean the way you like things clean, you tell him to come start the cleaning, you will finish up.

Instead of picking on weakness, you praise strength. If you make a big deal out of it and thank him, he'll do more next time. You might even end up with a self starter. You never know.

Happy wife happy life.

Anonymous wrote:first off do most have maids? We have a regular 5 bd 4 bath house and the maids clean it weekly. they fold laundry, put away laundry too. Its pennies compared to the headaches potentially caused. After that its kitchen stuff.. we split the cook+ clean up... kids unload the dishwasher.. The hubby typing here takes out the trash and plastic.. after that its mostly just getting the clothes in the washer in the first place

OP Here - 5bdrm/3.5 bathroom. Plus basement with rec room, bedroom, bath, etc. But, that's pretty much the kid-zone. I rarely go down there unless I want to have an anxiety attack. We don't have a maid. DH does the typical "man" stuff, taking care of the trash, outside stuff, fixing things, etc. I have no problem doing the bulk of the day to day stuff. My "issue" (which as I already said isn't a major marital problem) is when he swoops in when I'm basically done and claims he helped.

It'd be akin to if when he cut the grass, and I do the mower for the final row and then tell him the week after that I helped him cut the grass. No I didn't!

And when he cleans, he is good and thorough. But, that only happens when I'm sick, or the kids are sick, or I'm not home. Basically, if I'm incapacitated and not physically there, he will do it and do it well. It's just when I'm there, he seems to not notice me cleaning? I don't know. The more I think about it, the more it seems he's oblivious/clueless. I just don't want to turn this into a nagging thing of me going to get him from whatever he's doing to help me. In fact, I would be perfectly fine with him NOT helping me! Just stay out of my way and let me finish by myself without your "help". I seriously wouldn't be annoyed by that.

Anonymous wrote:When you start doing chores, you say "Hey, DH, I'm doing X, would you do me a favor and do Y?" Don't try to analyze why DH hasn't helped you yet, why he doesn't care about the house being clean, etc. Just tell him what you want him to do.

Agreed (though, personally, I'd drop the 'favor' bit because it would grate on me since it is not a favor).

Yes, I know it's frustrating and annoying to have to tell him. It is. But. It is more important that it get done. Think of yourself as the coach or the CEO in this situation, so of course you have to manage the project and delegate tasks. If there is something your DH is good at and you were trying it, perhaps you'd have trouble seeing what was obvious to him also (I'm imagining trying to help my DH change the oil - i'm sure he would say there were obvious parts to this task that I wouldn't even notice without his help).

Similar issues. We talked about it and determined that he will do the dishes - his chore. I cook most of the time, so it makes sense. Now I help him. When I see him go out to start the dishes I usually send DS8 to help him, and then join a few minutes later. And then I do the stuff that I know DH won't do - wipe the counters, round up the last cups, sweep the floor. We all finish at once, the kitchen is clean, and DH has done the 90% he sees, and I've done the 10% he never will. Victory!

When you start doing chores, you say "Hey, DH, I'm doing X, would you do me a favor and do Y?" Don't try to analyze why DH hasn't helped you yet, why he doesn't care about the house being clean, etc. Just tell him what you want him to do.

first off do most have maids? We have a regular 5 bd 4 bath house and the maids clean it weekly. they fold laundry, put away laundry too. Its pennies compared to the headaches potentially caused. After that its kitchen stuff.. we split the cook+ clean up... kids unload the dishwasher.. The hubby typing here takes out the trash and plastic.. after that its mostly just getting the clothes in the washer in the first place

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen so many women bitch and moan about so much small stuff.

Just let it go and practice some gratitude.

It's small stuff when it happens once in awhile. When it happens daily and it is across multiple topics, many small things add up to be big things.

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen so many women bitch and moan about so much small stuff.

Just let it go and practice some gratitude.

How do you practice gratitude to your spouse? If cleaning is "small stuff", then the DH should be able to do it, with no complaints, and do it thoroughly.

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen so many women bitch and moan about so much small stuff.

Just let it go and practice some gratitude.

Yes. I will give him a nightly BJ for wiping the counters for 60 seconds each day. I hope that is enough thanks for all that help. Perhaps one in the morning and one at night...but I'm not sure that's enough either...Please, tell me what else I can do to express my thanks for him going so far out of his way to help me clean the kitchen? His arm is surely tired from that extended circular motion. Don't even get me started on when he has to actually OPEN the dishwasher and put a cup in!

I have never seen so many women bitch and moan about so much small stuff.

Just let it go and practice some gratitude.

I haven't read the other replies, but this one is easy to me. Leave a discrete task for him to do. When he asks if he can help, let him.