Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 35 and in his first year of residency. He didn't change careers but he was an international grad and practiced abroad for a while, and when he moved to the US it took him a few years of fumbling around to match into US residency.

So far it has been a miserable and very difficult experience.

I spent the first two years of our marriage wondering if I'd have to move away from my own job and family and to some random rural area on short notice, because he had interviews everywhere from North Dakota to Harlem to Florida and the Match commitment was binding. He was open to doing a commuter marriage where he lived in another state, but I was pregnant and I could not have managed. Thankfully he matched locally but after a nerve wracking two years.

We could not delay children further since I am also 35. I had my first just before he began residency and am presently pregnant with our 2nd. DH is rarely home and still is stressed that he isn't able to spend enough time at the hospital to do a really good job (I believe him).

He was unable to take any leave or help at all when my mom got cancer (our infant had just been born) and only got a couple of days of leave when she died. Even then the program asked him why he needed the time ("can't your wife organize the funeral?") (Even if I could have done it alone, I had an infant baby).

We don't have a great deal of money and are dependent on my salary since he makes barely enough to cover childcare. We can't live close to the hospital since I have a job too and am responsible for childcare so I need to be able to do pickups. So on top of never being home he has a long commute into the 'burbs.

The job prospects in his specialty are not good, so he is likely to have to do a couple of fellowships, at which point we will begin all of this again.

At 35, I am already done my own PhD. I am tired. I just want a normal life. I think medicine is fine if you can finish your training on time. If it drags on into your mid 30s and 40s it can cause a lot of havoc in your family life.

Just my $0.02.

-PGY1 wife

I'm so sorry for everything that has happened. I definitely understand what you mean by wanting a normal life. Which is why I am apprehensive. Currently, I work long hours, but I don't expect my body to be in the best shape in 10-15 years. Which is why I mentioned that the administrative side is a better fit. I'd love to have a family, but it's not imperative to do so. I probably will remain single for a while so that's not a big deal

OP, what do you mean by administrative side? There's not much administrative side for someone in pediatric orthopedic surgery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 35 and in his first year of residency. He didn't change careers but he was an international grad and practiced abroad for a while, and when he moved to the US it took him a few years of fumbling around to match into US residency.

So far it has been a miserable and very difficult experience.

I spent the first two years of our marriage wondering if I'd have to move away from my own job and family and to some random rural area on short notice, because he had interviews everywhere from North Dakota to Harlem to Florida and the Match commitment was binding. He was open to doing a commuter marriage where he lived in another state, but I was pregnant and I could not have managed. Thankfully he matched locally but after a nerve wracking two years.

We could not delay children further since I am also 35. I had my first just before he began residency and am presently pregnant with our 2nd. DH is rarely home and still is stressed that he isn't able to spend enough time at the hospital to do a really good job (I believe him).

He was unable to take any leave or help at all when my mom got cancer (our infant had just been born) and only got a couple of days of leave when she died. Even then the program asked him why he needed the time ("can't your wife organize the funeral?") (Even if I could have done it alone, I had an infant baby).

We don't have a great deal of money and are dependent on my salary since he makes barely enough to cover childcare. We can't live close to the hospital since I have a job too and am responsible for childcare so I need to be able to do pickups. So on top of never being home he has a long commute into the 'burbs.

The job prospects in his specialty are not good, so he is likely to have to do a couple of fellowships, at which point we will begin all of this again.

At 35, I am already done my own PhD. I am tired. I just want a normal life. I think medicine is fine if you can finish your training on time. If it drags on into your mid 30s and 40s it can cause a lot of havoc in your family life.

Just my $0.02.

-PGY1 wife

I'm so sorry for everything that has happened. I definitely understand what you mean by wanting a normal life. Which is why I am apprehensive. Currently, I work long hours, but I don't expect my body to be in the best shape in 10-15 years. Which is why I mentioned that the administrative side is a better fit. I'd love to have a family, but it's not imperative to do so. I probably will remain single for a while so that's not a big deal

Anonymous wrote:You could be an attending at 36. Do it.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 35 and in his first year of residency. He didn't change careers but he was an international grad and practiced abroad for a while, and when he moved to the US it took him a few years of fumbling around to match into US residency.

So far it has been a miserable and very difficult experience.

I spent the first two years of our marriage wondering if I'd have to move away from my own job and family and to some random rural area on short notice, because he had interviews everywhere from North Dakota to Harlem to Florida and the Match commitment was binding. He was open to doing a commuter marriage where he lived in another state, but I was pregnant and I could not have managed. Thankfully he matched locally but after a nerve wracking two years.

We could not delay children further since I am also 35. I had my first just before he began residency and am presently pregnant with our 2nd. DH is rarely home and still is stressed that he isn't able to spend enough time at the hospital to do a really good job (I believe him).

He was unable to take any leave or help at all when my mom got cancer (our infant had just been born) and only got a couple of days of leave when she died. Even then the program asked him why he needed the time ("can't your wife organize the funeral?") (Even if I could have done it alone, I had an infant baby).

We don't have a great deal of money and are dependent on my salary since he makes barely enough to cover childcare. We can't live close to the hospital since I have a job too and am responsible for childcare so I need to be able to do pickups. So on top of never being home he has a long commute into the 'burbs.

The job prospects in his specialty are not good, so he is likely to have to do a couple of fellowships, at which point we will begin all of this again.

At 35, I am already done my own PhD. I am tired. I just want a normal life. I think medicine is fine if you can finish your training on time. If it drags on into your mid 30s and 40s it can cause a lot of havoc in your family life.

Just my $0.02.

-PGY1 wife

Anonymous wrote:It's a long road to actually practicing. Post bacc, 4 years of med school, then 3 years of peds residency, then more for an ortho fellowship. As much as you can, find people in the field and talk with them about their daily life before you make your decision. If you still want to do it after that, then go for it!

While I am grateful to be in medicine and love my work, it was physically and emotionally draining to get through the training. If I knew how tough it was going to be, I'm not sure I would have done it. I think it's probably a bit easier if you don't have responsibilities like a spouse or kids, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a long road to actually practicing. Post bacc, 4 years of med school, then 3 years of peds residency, then more for an ortho fellowship. As much as you can, find people in the field and talk with them about their daily life before you make your decision. If you still want to do it after that, then go for it!

While I am grateful to be in medicine and love my work, it was physically and emotionally draining to get through the training. If I knew how tough it was going to be, I'm not sure I would have done it. I think it's probably a bit easier if you don't have responsibilities like a spouse or kids, though.

What's your specialty? I do want to get married, so I'm taking that into consideration.

Anonymous wrote:It's a long road to actually practicing. Post bacc, 4 years of med school, then 3 years of peds residency, then more for an ortho fellowship. As much as you can, find people in the field and talk with them about their daily life before you make your decision. If you still want to do it after that, then go for it!

While I am grateful to be in medicine and love my work, it was physically and emotionally draining to get through the training. If I knew how tough it was going to be, I'm not sure I would have done it. I think it's probably a bit easier if you don't have responsibilities like a spouse or kids, though.

Anonymous wrote:Do it. I had a friend who went back at your age. Is now in late 40s and very happy. You are still going to get older. Do you want to be 35, 40, etc. and a doctor, or do you want to be 35, 40 with continued regrets? It's not too late.