Wow, I thought my DH spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Sorry I have no advice to give.

I've posted something similar. The downstairs bathroom was/is basically my DH's 'man cave'. He's in there at least 3x a day. He's got an extension cord for the laptop and a stool he sets it on. He's also got books/magazines and a phone charger. He's always had bowel issues - about 20 minutes after eating, he needs to hit the toilet. But, what OP is talking about and what my DH is/was doing isn't 'normal'. My DH suffers from depression and going into his man cave is one way he can avoid home life. His depression/behavior causes huge issues in our marriage. It waxes/wanes depending on his mindset. This avoidant behavior is something we talk about with our relationship counselor. Oh, it's also where he chew tobacco. That was another thing that was an issue. I understand he's got a tobacco habit but when he was gaslighting me about it, shit hit the fan. I would ask him about that tobacco smell and he'd deny, deny,deny. Yet, he'd have all these health complaints. Finally, I told him I was so concerned that I'd made an appointment with the gasteroenterolgist and was going to go with him to the appointment. That's when he fessed up. Yeah, we've got a lot of problems in our marriage. I should just divorce his ass. He doesn't deserve me. But, I digress.

OP, could it be OCD? Does he have any other behaviors that seem off?

Anonymous wrote:If he works outside the home, isn't that pretty much every waking moment? Sorry, but he does not like living with you. Maybe you could propose a study/man cave so at least you can use the bathroom.

That's what I'm thinking. Do you even see him?

If he works outside the home, isn't that pretty much every waking moment? Sorry, but he does not like living with you. Maybe you could propose a study/man cave so at least you can use the bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:This is not a question for DCUM. This is a question for the couples counselor whom you should be seeing.

Aren't they all?

Another male here. Look, I'll cop to sometimes using the bathroom as an excuse to have some quiet time, we have two young kids and I need a break every once in awhile. I'll take my e-reader in there and read a chapter, then get in the shower. Sometimes I'll take an hour for everything, but that's about the longest I push it. Five hours is over the top. There's some reason he's avoiding you, and like others have said, definitely something you want to address.

Thank you for responding from a male perspective. At least my dh isn't in there drinking I suppose...

My mouth literally fell open in surprise when I read this. I can't remember the last time I (DH) spent more than 5 minutes in a bathroom. Go in, do my business, leave. It's not a place to read, think, etc.

There are some serious issues that he needs to get resolved right away. That is nowhere near normal.

On a side note, we had an employee that used to disappear in the bathroom for an hour or more at a time. Everyone in the small company noticed and talked about it. But, we're pretty sure he was just avoiding work and/or napping in there. He was a drunk that we used to find sleeping at his desk all the time. Sounds like a different issue than your DH.

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness, who can sit on a toilet for 5 hours? Wouldn't your butt hurt after just a few minutes? I can't think of a more uncomfortable seat in the house.

It's five hours over the course of the day. It's broken up by work, showering, meals, naps and the few times that I have to use it and the other bathroom is occupied.

This is truly bizarre behavior. A little kid I could understand, they are fascinated by the bathroom but not a grown man. It may be the first time ever I agree with counseling. He's got some deep seated ha ha problems.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but no one is stupid enough to think 5 hours a day in the bathroom is normal or ok. Sounds like he can't stand to be around OP (which could very well be justifiable if she's this dumb) and some counseling is in order

OP here. I don't think it's normal, especially to the level to which it has escalated. As for thinking it's okay, I don't. I've never been married to anyone else, and I was just curious as to what everyone else's idea/experience of normal was. I understand that this seems so bizarre, and that I opened myself up to a wide range of comments by posting on this site, but I was seeking anonymity, and that was the price for it, right? I do agree that counseling is in order; what's left of our marriage can't survive like this.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but no one is stupid enough to think 5 hours a day in the bathroom is normal or ok. Sounds like he can't stand to be around OP (which could very well be justifiable if she's this dumb) and some counseling is in order

You're a jerk.

OP, my husband spends about 15 minutes, and if we didn't have only one bathroom he would probably spend twice that - but it's still not a lot.

Also, if your husband is actually sitting on the toilet seat all that time, he's got to have terrible hemorrhoids by now.

Good luck - this one sounds like a doozy to resolve.

In all seriousness, who can sit on a toilet for 5 hours? Wouldn't your butt hurt after just a few minutes? I can't think of a more uncomfortable seat in the house.

I'm sorry but no one is stupid enough to think 5 hours a day in the bathroom is normal or ok. Sounds like he can't stand to be around OP (which could very well be justifiable if she's this dumb) and some counseling is in order