Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I preferred inclusive activities and not ones that excluded people.

What a ridiculous thing to say. I am sure that as we speak they were plenty of events to which other people were invited but you were excluded.
Possibly b/c of your attitude.

The whole point of sororities and fraternities is to exclude people so that the included can feel special.

That is not at all the point of sororities and fraternities. People do not get together in groups for the sole purpose of excluding others.
Groups are about finding commonalities and building relationships based on these commonalities.

Have you never been a part of a group with self selected membership. I mean anything as simple as a book club. If so, did you form the book club just to exclude others?
Probably not. You probably formed the book club b/c you knew some cool women you wanted to be friends with, or who you were already friends with and wanted to spend more time with.
And before you say it is not the same, I would have to ask if anyone off the street could join your book club?

if you have never been part of a group with self selected membership I suggest you get out a bit more and expand your social circle.

11:25 here again...

Forgot to mention that I did not go into college wanting to join a sorority. It was the furthest thing from my mind -- why would I want anybody dictating what I do????

But, during my first year, I saw other girls in the dorms who were pledging sororities and they had a lot of social opportunities that I did not have. My second year, I rushed and ended up in a sorority. I was obviously rejected by quite a few of the hoity-toity sororities (you get your dance card every day of rush and you know who didn't invite you back). It's not great to be rejected, but the ones who wanted me were actually ones I would fit into better anyway. So, it's all good.

It's very easy for any 18-19 yr old to want to be in the "prestigious" sororities, but in the long run, you're better off if you are not in those... more pressure to conform than there is in the not-so-popular houses.

(BTW -- my greek education came in handy just yesterday when DH asked what language "pi" is -- I regaled him and the kids with a recitation of the greek alphabet -- that I haven't repeated in many years.... alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, zi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, epsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega let me hear ya now!

1. Sororities are very different than fraternities. I was in a sorority on a large state univ. Even when I was in it, I knew enough that I wouldn't want my son to be in a fraternity, but I would have been o.k. with a daughter being in a sorority.

2. Sororities differ greatly among themselves. Some are exactly like the stereotypes (i.e. blonde, beautiful, mean girls with superiority complexes), and some really are full of nice, normal college girls just looking to be part of a smaller group in a big college. Of course, the latter are less "selective"/exclusive and the rest of the greek system knows it. But, there ARE sororities that don't have the "luxury" of being bitchy.

3. As I alluded to above, sororities can be a good way to find a smaller group within a larger university. They offer opportunities for leadership that you don't get by living in the dorms or off campus. They also provide info. and connections to leadership opportunities in the greater campus. (i.e. I got an unpaid "job" as ______, b/c another girl in the house was connected to that organization and served as a reference... that later was used as something on my resume for a real job, etc. etc.)

4. I'm not a big fan of sororities and probably would not encourage my DD to be involved even though she would be guaranteed "in" as a legacy. It can be irritating to have to go to certain social events. But, IMO, it's not the end of the world and it can be positive.

5. Dry -- IME, all sororities were dry -- i.e. no alcohol; and no boys overnight. Obviously very different than how fraternities are typically run.

I wouldn't support this. I think it's looking for trouble in this day and age.

I was in a sorority. As I got older and had new interests in politics and things that would further my desire to go to law school (another thing I regret doing), the sorority would "punish" me for missing events. I'd have to do service to the sorority for being at the state democratic convention instead of bonding with my "sisters" at a retreat. I should have just quit but they made that such a humiliating process I didn't do it.

I hope my kids never want to join a sorority or fraternity. But if they did, I'd talk to them about choosing one that values more than looks and popularity. As a freshman, the cool girls appealed to me. As a senior, I wished I'd joined the "dorkier" sorority where women had a variety of goals and perspectives.

Anonymous wrote:My friend found out she was not accepted at the sorority of her choice because during rush they researched her and found out she had dated a black guy in high school.

They must have been little sisters of SAE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I preferred inclusive activities and not ones that excluded people.

What a ridiculous thing to say. I am sure that as we speak they were plenty of events to which other people were invited but you were excluded.
Possibly b/c of your attitude.

The whole point of sororities and fraternities is to exclude people so that the included can feel special.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I preferred inclusive activities and not ones that excluded people.

So athletics are out too?

Intramurals are great.

There are far more schools with sororities than without, so this particular current interest will not actually exclude many colleges. It is more difficult for a DC to find schools that DON"T have any frat/sorority scene. Even schools such as some Ivys that historically did not have frats/sororities now do, the whole scene is becoming more pervasive it seems.

Anyway, she is very early in the process, she should visit schools based on academics, location, size and if she insists not visit any that ban sororities, and go from there.

Breeding grounds for Queen Bees.
I'll pass.

Anonymous wrote:My friend found out she was not accepted at the sorority of her choice because during rush they researched her and found out she had dated a black guy in high school.

This doesn't sound right to me. It must have been a really small school and a sorority where the girls had too much time on their hands. Rush is a blur of girls coming through your house, and you are trying to make connections and see who would be good fit. I can't imagine having the time to find out who dated whom in HS. College girls have a lot going for them, granted it was years ago, but I cant recall anyone talking much about boyfriends. Girls talk about their families, where they are from, their interests. I can't imagine anyone mentioning the race of their boyfriend during rush and I can't remember anyone asking. Not saying your story isn't true I am just saying it is not indicative of the rush experience.

OP I was in a sorority. It was a great experience but it was just that "a" great experience. It was certainly not the only experience I had in college. I didn't rush until Sophomore year. I really wanted a chance to get a feel for the school first so rushing just a few weeks into freshman year seemed overwhelming to me. I actually play a sport instead freshman year. Both before and after I joined not all the parties I went to were fraternity parties and not all my friends were in sororities.

I don't see why you would discourage her. Let her get into a college that is right for her and then let her rush and see what happens. You raised her so only you know if you raised a daughter capable of making an independent decision based on what she see and what she hears. Girls drop out of rush and some girls choose not to join any sorority even if they get a bid. Further there is a time period between bid day and initiation where your daughter can change her mind if she doesn't feel comfortable. And frankly speaking she can change her mind anytime. Let her decide what is right for her, by the time she goes to college you have to trust you've done all you can to help guide her towards good choices even when you are not with her.

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years, my sorority sisters are some of my closest friends. My daughter is very interested in pledging my sorority. I am still active today in this (predominately) black women's sorority.

Hope your daughter will have a happy life-long experience.

Are your colors pink & green by any chance?

After 30 years, my sorority sisters are some of my closest friends. My daughter is very interested in pledging my sorority. I am still active today in this (predominately) black women's sorority.

Hope your daughter will have a happy life-long experience.

Anonymous wrote:I preferred inclusive activities and not ones that excluded people.

So athletics are out too?

Anonymous wrote:My friend found out she was not accepted at the sorority of her choice because during rush they researched her and found out she had dated a black guy in high school.

That's disgusting. I would be relieved to not be a part of any group that would discriminate against a person for interracial dating.