Anonymous wrote:DH is in an "invalid marriage" though. Surely the priest will ask and push convalidation? Or not?

DH is not in an invalid marriage; rather, he is not in a Catholic marriage.

A priest might raise this privately with DH. However, upon learning that OP is not willing to have a Catholic marriage or to raise DD as a Catholic, the priest would drop the matter. Priests are not in the business of creating unnecessary marital strife; ensuring a marriage with children stays intact would be the highest good here.

Again, I think the comparison of DH with a Protestant who converted without his family is instructive.

DH is in an "invalid marriage" though. Surely the priest will ask and push convalidation? Or not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I know DH is on the books -- and will be for life even if he actively joins another church. I'm talking about the daughter -- that's who the Church is after and you can't blame them for seeing the possibility when the father is coming back to the church.

And OF COURSE priests and any other clergy feel pressure to add people to the books. People are leaving organized religion in droves. Anyone who is coming back, as DH appears to be doing, is going to be welcomed with open arms and expected to enroll his children.

We're not leaving organized religion. I'm quite possibly more devout than DH.

And our daughter will NOT be raised Catholic. If she chooses later on, I can't stop that, but I won't introduce her to it beyond her father being Catholic.

(for the PP who mentioned it, no - we did not have a Catholic wedding)

OP, the PP here is clearly anti-religion in general. That's why she uses terms like organized religion (spirituality isn't organized but religion almost always by definition is) and insists that because people are leaving it in droves any clergy is a high pressure salesperson for whatever church.

She has also said your DH has broken the rules of the Catholic church. This is plainly ignorant. If you are married in the Catholic church you make a commitment to raise your children Catholic. It is kind of a rule that the church won't marry people who are unwilling to make that commitment, but why want to get married Catholic if you aren't planning to stick to the church?

If you don't live up to that commitment, you have broken your commitment, not a rule. In any case, none of this pertains to your DH as you did not marry in the Catholic church so he has not made a commitment to raise his daughter Catholic. The priest will be well aware of this--despite being a born Catholic, the situation of your DH is pretty much the same as someone who is Protestant and decides to convert to Catholicism while his family does not.

He is a lapsed Catholic who wants to reconnect to his church. His new parish priest wants to welcome him to the church by visiting the family as he would for any new parishioner. Catholic priests will do nothing to try to convert you or your DD. They are simply not into a numbers game as some churches, particularly those where the pastor depends on parish contributions for his livelihood, are.

In any visit, I would expect that the priest would touch upon religion as a topic of conversation only very lightly if at all.

Anonymous wrote:


I know DH is on the books -- and will be for life even if he actively joins another church. I'm talking about the daughter -- that's who the Church is after and you can't blame them for seeing the possibility when the father is coming back to the church.

And OF COURSE priests and any other clergy feel pressure to add people to the books. People are leaving organized religion in droves. Anyone who is coming back, as DH appears to be doing, is going to be welcomed with open arms and expected to enroll his children.

We're not leaving organized religion. I'm quite possibly more devout than DH.

And our daughter will NOT be raised Catholic. If she chooses later on, I can't stop that, but I won't introduce her to it beyond her father being Catholic.

(for the PP who mentioned it, no - we did not have a Catholic wedding)

I'm confused. Why not just preach the Gospel? Why enforce these silly, manmade rules?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

I absolutely cannot imagine any priest with any sense using this meeting as a reason to beat DH or anyone else over the head about raising his DD as Catholic.

I also am pretty sure the "rule" as you put it does not apply in this case as it is highly likely OP and DH did not get married in the Catholic church, in which case he would have made a commitment to raise any children Catholic. I imagine, however, OP would have said that if they married in the Catholic church if that were the case.

Most priests understand that religious faith is a process and a journey, not an on off switch.

Catholic priests almost never evangelize because they are still employed by the church even if their particular parish is not thriving. They do not need to look for bodies to fill the pews and the collection plates.

You are missing the point -- it's not evangelizing; it's enforcing the rules. It's not a simple matter of filling the pews; it's having another soul "on the books" as a Catholic.

Sorry to disagree.

As I pointed out there is no rule applicable to DD as DH and OP did not have a Catholic marriage.

DH was baptized so he is already on the books. The priest won't be adding another one by helping his re-entrance to the church. Also, individual priest feel absolutely no responsibility or pressure to add more people to the books.

+1

I know DH is on the books -- and will be for life even if he actively joins another church. I'm talking about the daughter -- that's who the Church is after and you can't blame them for seeing the possibility when the father is coming back to the church.

And OF COURSE priests and any other clergy feel pressure to add people to the books. People are leaving organized religion in droves. Anyone who is coming back, as DH appears to be doing, is going to be welcomed with open arms and expected to enroll his children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

I absolutely cannot imagine any priest with any sense using this meeting as a reason to beat DH or anyone else over the head about raising his DD as Catholic.

I also am pretty sure the "rule" as you put it does not apply in this case as it is highly likely OP and DH did not get married in the Catholic church, in which case he would have made a commitment to raise any children Catholic. I imagine, however, OP would have said that if they married in the Catholic church if that were the case.

Most priests understand that religious faith is a process and a journey, not an on off switch.

Catholic priests almost never evangelize because they are still employed by the church even if their particular parish is not thriving. They do not need to look for bodies to fill the pews and the collection plates.

You are missing the point -- it's not evangelizing; it's enforcing the rules. It's not a simple matter of filling the pews; it's having another soul "on the books" as a Catholic.

Sorry to disagree.

As I pointed out there is no rule applicable to DD as DH and OP did not have a Catholic marriage.

DH was baptized so he is already on the books. The priest won't be adding another one by helping his re-entrance to the church. Also, individual priest feel absolutely no responsibility or pressure to add more people to the books.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

I absolutely cannot imagine any priest with any sense using this meeting as a reason to beat DH or anyone else over the head about raising his DD as Catholic.

I also am pretty sure the "rule" as you put it does not apply in this case as it is highly likely OP and DH did not get married in the Catholic church, in which case he would have made a commitment to raise any children Catholic. I imagine, however, OP would have said that if they married in the Catholic church if that were the case.

Most priests understand that religious faith is a process and a journey, not an on off switch.

Catholic priests almost never evangelize because they are still employed by the church even if their particular parish is not thriving. They do not need to look for bodies to fill the pews and the collection plates.

You are missing the point -- it's not evangelizing; it's enforcing the rules. It's not a simple matter of filling the pews; it's having another soul "on the books" as a Catholic.

Sorry to disagree.

As I pointed out there is no rule applicable to DD as DH and OP did not have a Catholic marriage.

DH was baptized so he is already on the books. The priest won't be adding another one by helping his re-entrance to the church. Also, individual priest feel absolutely no responsibility or pressure to add more people to the books.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

I absolutely cannot imagine any priest with any sense using this meeting as a reason to beat DH or anyone else over the head about raising his DD as Catholic.

I also am pretty sure the "rule" as you put it does not apply in this case as it is highly likely OP and DH did not get married in the Catholic church, in which case he would have made a commitment to raise any children Catholic. I imagine, however, OP would have said that if they married in the Catholic church if that were the case.

Most priests understand that religious faith is a process and a journey, not an on off switch.

Catholic priests almost never evangelize because they are still employed by the church even if their particular parish is not thriving. They do not need to look for bodies to fill the pews and the collection plates.

You are missing the point -- it's not evangelizing; it's enforcing the rules. It's not a simple matter of filling the pews; it's having another soul "on the books" as a Catholic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

I absolutely cannot imagine any priest with any sense using this meeting as a reason to beat DH or anyone else over the head about raising his DD as Catholic.

I also am pretty sure the "rule" as you put it does not apply in this case as it is highly likely OP and DH did not get married in the Catholic church, in which case he would have made a commitment to raise any children Catholic. I imagine, however, OP would have said that if they married in the Catholic church if that were the case.

Most priests understand that religious faith is a process and a journey, not an on off switch.

Catholic priests almost never evangelize because they are still employed by the church even if their particular parish is not thriving. They do not need to look for bodies to fill the pews and the collection plates.

Anonymous wrote:Ask DH what he thinks of the Priest. If he pressures you all and DH is neutral about him anyway this can be the deciding moment that resolves him of any guilt over attending church. If he likes him and he pressures you then he could be very conflicted. If he is unenthused about him why would he do it just because the Priest asked?

Because Catholics are trained to do as priests ask.

But DH, having been away from the church for years and choosing to raise his daughter protestant, has already shown that he is not so dutiful. Still, the fact that he decided to attend a Catholic church on his own certainly suggests that he is impressionable and perhaps ready to make an act of contrition and return to the church with his daughter.

Anonymous wrote:Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.

Correct, Catholic priests do not evangelize, they just tell you what the rules are and the consequences if you don't follow them. Some priests are more subtle than others but they all know what their responsibilities are to their bishop and to the Vatican. If DH won't raise his daughter Catholic, he cannot receive the sacraments -- e.g. can't go to communion -- If he tries, the priest is obliged to pass him by at the communion rail. There are some priests who ignore this rule, if they can get away with it, and perhaps DH doesn't want to go to communion anyway.

PS - I have met plenty of Catholic priests over the years.

Ask DH what he thinks of the Priest. If he pressures you all and DH is neutral about him anyway this can be the deciding moment that resolves him of any guilt over attending church. If he likes him and he pressures you then he could be very conflicted. If he is unenthused about him why would he do it just because the Priest asked?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH wants her raised Protestant and that hasn't changed since deciding to join. He is fine with exposure to Catholicism but doesn't want her to go to Catholic school or CCD or anything. He was mostly culturally Catholic when we married and says he can't see himself as anything but a Catholic. I think it's mostly inertia and guilty (sorry) that keeps him there.

OP, why be suspicious? Look at it as a lovely gesture as the priest taking his time to want to get to know a new member and his family. That's absolutely how this would be at my (Protestant) church and nothing more.

You've never met a Catholic priest, have you?

True, but this would apply to any pastor -- they are all scouting for more church members. Times are tough, with church membership dropping in all denominations. The difference is the guilt trip a catholic priest can try to lay on a fallen-by-the-wayside Catholic who is not raising his child in the faith -- major mortal sin.

It's not a sin to raise your child Christian.

It's a sin for parents in the Catholic church to not baptize their kids Catholic. Unless you are openly gay Catholic parents, that is, in which case the church will not condone a child being raised in a sinful relationship.

What? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? Please cite where this is considered a sin in the Catholic Church.

Unclear that any of the posters here have met a Catholic priest. It will depend very much on the priest, but as a general matter Catholic priests are not terribly evangelizing. He wants to meet DH's family to serve DH better. He will not use this meeting to try to evangelize OP or convince DH to raise DD Catholic. He is smart enough to know that if he does either of those things, DH will lose his fragile hold on his faith.

OP has nothing to be concerned about.