OP, have you considered going to a financial advisor yourself? Why do you need your husband to agree with you going?

Your husband sounds like he's making a lot of very emotional decisions himself, and is forgetting to include you or respect your feelings and your very pragmatic reasons for not being okay with this deal. Is he the kind of son who likes to play the hero to his parents?

Who cares if it is all on you? Say no!

Meant to thank you all for agreeing with each other. So helpful. I wrote down your reasons (you gave a total of 4) and the alternative (1). all that is un-emotional. I should probably write down the million emotional reasons as well.

I hope we don't divorce but I have been widowed and so know that drastic, horrible, difficult things can happen. Therefore, I live conservatively and this, IMO, is not a conservative decision for me.

OP here:

Some more details: I like my in-laws. They own a house in another area outright. If they sold, they'd get about 200K. They have been looking in Va, near here but not Nova. They can't find anything they like in their price range and are debt avoidant; maybe because of their age.

To be clear, they have money and to my knowledge, are not in debt. My FIL is a lawyer and my husband has an MBA. I love the idea of consulting an estate planner but DH won't go for it b/c he thinks that those two have it covered.

DH tried to compare my interest-free loan of 2K to my brother to this situation. My brother needed a car to get to work. They just want something bigger, fancier, and more land and no debt.

He keeps countering every single reason I have for not wanting to do this deal. We have investments and he says this is for diversity. All I know is that we live well below our means and could pay off all of our debts with our investments if we had to (car/house are only debts and that amounts to maybe 400K total).

I can think of many reasons to not do this and many are emotional. I need more logical reasons. You've given me some good ones. I mentioned the real estate fund and he said why pay somebody else to do something we can do.

What really pisses me off is that we have a lot of here and now boring stuff to do and he won't do that. Rather, he prefers to live in a fantasy world while the laundry goes undone, house un-clean, birthday party unplanned.

My biggest issue is I would loose my freedom to just quit my job if ever I had to do that. PP mentions some of those other situations and I suppose I could play the thought game but the reality is I will never agree to this so why waste time discussing it?

Final thing: My family is super poor. He would never buy an investment property where they live and make this deal with them but they are the ones who would most benefit from any largess we might possess. Frankly, I wouldn't either because, again, I worked hard, saved a lot and don't want to loose my flexibility.

TRUST YOUR GUT. Don't do it!!

Anonymous wrote:It sounds manipulative that he said yes to them before discussing it with you. That's ridiculous. Plus, saying: "this only won't work if you don't trust" is also manipulative.

You have to say no, or you only have yourself to blame. It does sound as if you would feel used. Of course he should not have said yes on your behalf to something as major as this.

+1 to all of this. "This will only work if you don't trust"!? I would be on high alert here.

It sounds manipulative that he said yes to them before discussing it with you. That's ridiculous. Plus, saying: "this only won't work if you don't trust" is also manipulative.

You have to say no, or you only have yourself to blame. It does sound as if you would feel used. Of course he should not have said yes on your behalf to something as major as this.

This makes no sense at all - at least, not for you. If they have 20% and supposedly plan to pay rent, then they should just buy the house by themselves. Unless, of course, they plan to pay less rent than the mortgage payment, in which case this will be a big money loser for you. And yes, taxes. This is a big fat no.

It sounds like there's more to this story than DH is letting on - like he wants to help them financially but isn't being honest with you about the extent of that aid since he knows you might not be comfortable with the sums he has in mind. And this home-buying racket is a way to sort of force your hand into giving them some very long-term major financial assistance with no way out once you're in it - all the while trying to frame it as an "investment" for you and DH. Oy. And not to be all depressing or anything, but what would be the implications if you and DH divorced? Who would get the house if it's his parents' and their residence but you were the one footing most of the payments? So, so many reasons to say no.

Say no

Anonymous wrote:http://markjkohler.com/10-reasons-why-buying-your-parents-home/

That's for buying the home the parents already own, as an alternative to a reverse mortgage, which doesn't appear to be what her dh is proposing.

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree that this idea is necessarily a bad one. It can make a lot of sense, financially and otherwise.

Further, OP hasn't said why her DH wants to do this or what the alternatives are. If OP says no, will the ILs seek a reverse mortgage instead in order to free up cash? If that happens, when ILs die, the current house goes to the bank, no inheritance for DH. Are ILs currently homeless, with no money for down payment? If OP says no, will DH suggest the ILs move in instead?

DH is an only child who apparently feels some filial obligations. It sounds like OP wishes that weren't so. But saying no to this idea won't make DH any less keen on helping his parents.

If you re-read the OP, you'll see that the IL's apparently have the 20% down payment, which begs the question as to why they can't get a mortgage on their own. I'm hard-pressed to come up with a scenario where this makes financial sense - I'm genuinely curious as to what you think one would be. From an inheritance stand point, it's a really bad idea. Hopefully op can come back and clarify her dh's thinking. I'm all for helping and supporting one's parents and IL's if necessary, but I can't begin to imagine a situation where this option makes sense.

http://markjkohler.com/10-reasons-why-buying-your-parents-home/

Anonymous wrote:It's better to inherit the house when they die, because you get the stepped up cost basis. Does he not know that? I don't see how this is a good idea at all.

That's only true if the ILs already own a house that they plan to stay in or if they would buy one on their own without Op's help. Otherwise, they don't own a house for DH to inherit.

I don't agree that this idea is necessarily a bad one. It can make a lot of sense, financially and otherwise.

Further, OP hasn't said why her DH wants to do this or what the alternatives are. If OP says no, will the ILs seek a reverse mortgage instead in order to free up cash? If that happens, when ILs die, the current house goes to the bank, no inheritance for DH. Are ILs currently homeless, with no money for down payment? If OP says no, will DH suggest the ILs move in instead?

DH is an only child who apparently feels some filial obligations. It sounds like OP wishes that weren't so. But saying no to this idea won't make DH any less keen on helping his parents.