Anonymous wrote:Everyone going to flame you OP because what you're saying doesn't match the saintly mother myth hat society crams down our throats. It's okay to think life wih kids sucks. It's okay to say you're unhappy. You don't have to fake like everything is perfect. Society dictates that having children is the only thing that can truly fulfill a woman. Of course we know that's wrong.

Society doesn't dictate this. Pretty much everything in our society, from career fulfillment to leisure time, is set up for the enjoyment of the childless.

I think you're confusing the biological urge to procreate plus women who have unrealistic expectations (want children but don't understand what parenting entails) with society. What we agree on is that it's okay to think life with kids sucks, but OP should do something about it -- get counseling, give up her kids for adoption, etc., not just suffer for the rest of her life.

OP, I have two kids under 4, so I get what you're saying. But I also feel like of course kids are hard work and of course you can no longer lay around on the couch all day or have a quiet house (but you know this). You have to adjust mentally for a few years when you're in the trenches and realize that the preschool years aren't forever (and neither are the teen years, or the college years, etc). It requires mental flexibility to shift your expectations and see the positives in your life RIGHT NOW, and things like depression and anxiety can make that hard, bordering on impossible.

Bottom line: you REALLY need to get help. Even on stressful and terrible days I don't feel like my life is mostly shit. That's depression, OP. And if you're not getting help, you are hurting yourself and your family. You ALL deserve to be happy. Why be miserable for the next 15 years if you can do something to make it right?

Please look into therapy and medication. Parenting can really suck, but the way you feel is NOT normal...but it can get better. Hang in there -- this time next year, with help, you could be back to your 360 good days.

Everyone going to flame you OP because what you're saying doesn't match the saintly mother myth hat society crams down our throats. It's okay to think life wih kids sucks. It's okay to say you're unhappy. You don't have to fake like everything is perfect. Society dictates that having children is the only thing that can truly fulfill a woman. Of course we know that's wrong.

Pp here. All of these lived my 3 year olds, just wait until they are teenagers, and maybe you are depressed/PPD talk is not helpful when you feel like it is shit now.

You probably just lucked out with the personalities your kids got. My sensetive, but strong willed child drives me up a wall. Societ wants you to slap a PPD label on it and say therapy will make it better. Therapy cannot change the choices you made and very few therapists are adept at making you feel okay about the situation you are in with the reprocusions of the choices you made. "Oh you don't like having kids? You have PPD!" False, sometimes the roll of the dice sucks and we get ourselves backed into a corner.

OP: Let's go back to basics with you. Get a physical. Tell your GP how you are feeling.

Consider therapy. Perfectionism is a sign of anxiety (been there).

Look at yor own routine. Do you need more sleep? Friend time? The occasional break?

Op, how old were you when you had kids?

I don't have kids, but it kinda wonder if you were low 30s or younger.

If you'd made it to my age, thirty nine, without kids or a husband, you might be able to look back at your life with less rosy colored glasses.

Being single and childless in your twenties is awesome.

As you get older, not so much. It's a little lonely.

That said, I'm kinda amazed by parents. It does look really hard and exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't necessarily place all the blame on the kiddos OP.

But yes, having kids is very stressful at best. That is the truth. Rewarding, but mostly stressful. Esp. when they are youngsters.

The chaos they bring into the household is something that you will just have to get used to. Until they leave for college, your family dynamic will not change.

Just the facts of life. I won't sugarcoat it.

The facts of your life, maybe. Certainly not of mine, thank God. "Having kids is stressful AT BEST"? WTF?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shut your pie hole, 17:35.

She's right!

She's right but not very helpful. Parenting is very stressful, nothing about your life is the same as it was, some days are down right awful.

All that said you seem to be dealing with this at an extreme level, and as pps have mentioned perhaps there is PPD. You are very strong and courageous mother to admit you are having a difficult time right now.
If that's what it is there is nothing to be a shamed of. But please reach out to someone a mommy group, your primary care, a therapist someone. it'll never be easy or perfect, but it can be better a whole lot better than just f days a year. *hugs*

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

What?? I loved when my kids were three!! And no fuzzy memory here because my youngest is four.

I wouldn't necessarily place all the blame on the kiddos OP.

But yes, having kids is very stressful at best. That is the truth. Rewarding, but mostly stressful. Esp. when they are youngsters.

The chaos they bring into the household is something that you will just have to get used to. Until they leave for college, your family dynamic will not change.

Just the facts of life. I won't sugarcoat it.

I hear you OP. Parenting has been tough, it's hard for us financially (some very unforeseen circumstances emerged after twins were born), and DH hates life now and is constantly stressed out. He blames me for all of our problems and has said he regrets having our children. I feel so sad and hopeless 95% of the time. Even days that I used to look forward to - like the weekend or a day off with the kids - inevitably turn into crap. No answers just empathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shut your pie hole, 17:35.

She's right!

I'm a high school teacher, and I have to say that no matter how bad my day feels with my 5 YO and/ or 9 MO, I try to tell myself that soon I will be parenting my very own teenagers, and I'm scared out of my f*&%ing mind. Soldier on, parents of teens.

Anonymous wrote:Girl, you might be depressed. I mean, c'mon. I mean, I take a dump every day, sometimes twice, but I don't think of every day as a shit day. You know what I'm sayin'?

Seriously. Consider PPD that never got addressed. You've got to snap the hell out of it.

This. There are hundreds of people here with toddlers and a job outside the home and a spouse. Or they were in your shoes a few years ago. And while we've all had shitty days, saying that 360 days a year are shitty days is pretty intense. Whether it's depression or just your attitude, this needs to be addressed in a thoughtful and intentional way. Get a check-up. Make an appointment with a therapist. Go on a retreat. Just do something. It doesn't nor should it be this hard.

Girl, you might be depressed. I mean, c'mon. I mean, I take a dump every day, sometimes twice, but I don't think of every day as a shit day. You know what I'm sayin'?

Seriously. Consider PPD that never got addressed. You've got to snap the hell out of it.

You may just need more breaks to refresh yourself so that you have a different outlook.