You do not sound controlling to me at all OP, you are simply doing the job any mother would and SHOULD do and that is advocating for your loving child.

I would ask a family legal expert or law enforcement expert on this because as laymen, none of us on here can say for sure.

But please...Stay vigilant.

Anonymous wrote:everyone texts while driving

No, we don't. No way I'm going to have the police and detectives trolling through my emails and texts a la Bruce Jenner if some idiot hits me.

If your title is true, then he's nothing more than a child abuser. I get that in DC, strangers' lives aren't important enough to keep people from texting while driving, but to willingly put your own kids into danger? Fuck anyone who would even think about it.

Texting and talking on a phone while driving is against the law where I live. If my STBE was doing this with my kids in the vehicle, I'd call the police.

That being said, a young girl, 30 something, was going to work one morning near my house. She came to the yield sign at the end of our road to merge into traffic. She was texting and didn't look before entering and an 18 wheeler ran over her Ford Taurus. She was crushed into the car. She had to be peeled out. She left a husband and 3 kids.

NOTHING on that phone is worth anyone's life. I'd get with my attorney and get that husband to either quit driving and texting or not be allowed to have the kids in the vehicle he's driving. Controlling ? You damn right. I can replace his stupid ass. I can't replace my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not controlling, just really frustrated.

At the end of the day, you can't and won't be able to control his behavior when he is not with you. The best you can do to maintain your insanity is to work with dd to make sure she has limited time in the car with him. Drop her off and pick up as much as you can so he doesn't have to drive. Make sure she has a properly sized booster and always buckles herself in.

OP here, yes that is kind of the conclusion I came to. I should drop her off more, that would help alot. He does buckle her in.

I remember when he had the older car seat in his car installed improperly according to the manual, and I proposed we reinstall it according to the directions, and he would bite my head off. He didnt even want to LOOK at it. It was a waste of his time. I just always drove her in my car. Now that we are separated it happens she is in a booster and we have the same kind so its all good now in that department.

When he is stuck in traffic he yells about how stupid everyone is. In one of the recent snow/ice storms he actually CALLED ME just to BITCH about how stupid people in front of him were because they werent moving. I said calmly, well maybe there is a reason they arent moving, like an accident. Turns out that was what it was. I was able to remain calm because that is always what I did in these situations, but the difference was my daughter was with me and I didnt need to see him because he didnt come home.

Yes people are really willing to assume certain dynamics in relationships, which is why knowing the truth is a huge help. He may have contempt for me, but its not justified. These are the kinds of issues he sees as being about "control". When he is not in control everyone is "stupid" and of course he is never wrong. Speeding should be his right, he feels. When he gets caught, he feels singled out, like there is some conspiracy against him personally.

Given this attitude, what makes you think it would be different with the texting issue? If he gets caught and has to pay a fine, won't he just say, "Everyone does it, that cop singled me out" and just go on texting and driving like nothing happened? It sounds like your STBX has an issue with anger management and distraction while driving. The only thing you can really do is limit how much time your child spends in the car with him, most likely by picking up and dropping off every time. Even then, it won't prevent him from taking your child out to a restaurant or to a birthday party or whatever during his time with her. Definitely mention these things to your lawyer as he or she might have a suggestion about other things you can do.

Anonymous wrote:OP is not controlling, just really frustrated.

At the end of the day, you can't and won't be able to control his behavior when he is not with you. The best you can do to maintain your insanity is to work with dd to make sure she has limited time in the car with him. Drop her off and pick up as much as you can so he doesn't have to drive. Make sure she has a properly sized booster and always buckles herself in.

OP here, yes that is kind of the conclusion I came to. I should drop her off more, that would help alot. He does buckle her in.

I remember when he had the older car seat in his car installed improperly according to the manual, and I proposed we reinstall it according to the directions, and he would bite my head off. He didnt even want to LOOK at it. It was a waste of his time. I just always drove her in my car. Now that we are separated it happens she is in a booster and we have the same kind so its all good now in that department.

When he is stuck in traffic he yells about how stupid everyone is. In one of the recent snow/ice storms he actually CALLED ME just to BITCH about how stupid people in front of him were because they werent moving. I said calmly, well maybe there is a reason they arent moving, like an accident. Turns out that was what it was. I was able to remain calm because that is always what I did in these situations, but the difference was my daughter was with me and I didnt need to see him because he didnt come home.

Yes people are really willing to assume certain dynamics in relationships, which is why knowing the truth is a huge help. He may have contempt for me, but its not justified. These are the kinds of issues he sees as being about "control". When he is not in control everyone is "stupid" and of course he is never wrong. Speeding should be his right, he feels. When he gets caught, he feels singled out, like there is some conspiracy against him personally.

OP is not controlling, just really frustrated.

At the end of the day, you can't and won't be able to control his behavior when he is not with you. The best you can do to maintain your insanity is to work with dd to make sure she has limited time in the car with him. Drop her off and pick up as much as you can so he doesn't have to drive. Make sure she has a properly sized booster and always buckles herself in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, all the divorced guys found this thread in a hurry.

OP, call your local precinct or ask your divorce attorney if you have options.

I'm happily married. Still think the OP is carrying on in a controlling fashion. Her concern is valid; her tone and demeanor are counterproductive. My guess is she's controlling in many aspects of her life and in her relationship -- a man who makes a remark to their child like he did is driven to that out of exasperation.

A man who makes a remark like that to his CHILD is an inappropriate a$$hole, and a man who texts while driving is a serious danger to her. You men and your hangups about being "controlled." Ridiculous that that's the priority over that little girl's welfare. Just pathetic.

Keep talking, OP. The more you do, the more we understand your husband's contempt for you.

What makes you think that's the OP?

OP here- that was not me. It would be easy for anyone to fill in the blanks about this man or me towards their bias. That is any readers choice. However, I am dealing here with facts only.

To be clear: I am not having any illusions about being free from his behaviors. I know the only thing that would convince him to reduce or eliminate texting while driving is being caught and paying a huge fine. Since, there is a law against texting while driving, and I hope he gets caught. I hope he doesnt get into an accident with our daughter in the car. I hope he doesnt injure another person.

He also speeds constantly and was a few points from losing his license. He would do things like rear-end people and then say he didnt know what he was looking at. Probably his phone. During the first three weeks of our separation he got no fewer than 5 traffic camera tickets. Of course he sees this is not a problem about him speeding, but about the county and their "control". And we are talking at least 12 mph above the posted limit in all cases.

Just to give you an idea of the mindset. I will consult with someone in law enforcement. I dont know if they pull someone over if they are allowed to check their phone for texting evidence, for example. Anyway, he gets away with stuff because he feels its his right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, all the divorced guys found this thread in a hurry.

OP, call your local precinct or ask your divorce attorney if you have options.

I'm happily married. Still think the OP is carrying on in a controlling fashion. Her concern is valid; her tone and demeanor are counterproductive. My guess is she's controlling in many aspects of her life and in her relationship -- a man who makes a remark to their child like he did is driven to that out of exasperation.

A man who makes a remark like that to his CHILD is an inappropriate a$$hole, and a man who texts while driving is a serious danger to her. You men and your hangups about being "controlled." Ridiculous that that's the priority over that little girl's welfare. Just pathetic.

Keep talking, OP. The more you do, the more we understand your husband's contempt for you.

I'm not the OP. I'm happily married, too, and not controlling. You seriously think it's OK to text while driving? With a child in the car, no less? You're as big a jerk as OP's stbx, and probably also a jerk who texts while driving. I hope you don't take any innocent victims with you when you total your car.

Uh, I think I established early on that OP is not wrong. She does, however, sound controlling.

And, as I said and most reasonable people would believe, there's a world of difference between looking at your phone when you're stopped at a red light and sending texts while driving at 70 MPH. If the STBX is only doing the first thing -- which is pretty common, even if it is illegal -- than I would say OP's overwrought reaction is overkill. No matter what, carrying on like a hysterical ninny isn't going to get him to stop, either.

OP, talk to a divorce lawyer. A good one will know some sort of technology investigator who will know how to proceed. Your asshole husband is doing something illegal and dangerous while your kid is in her care. I'd think this is grounds for supervised visitation.

FWIW, I'm a husband and father.

NP here: I know women and men who compulsively text *while* driving. Anyone who texts while driving is putting others' lives and well being at risk. It's profoundly selfish behavior. Who cares what's going on in OPs crumbling marriage. Who cares if she's overly controlling or even somewhat controlling. That's not the issue here. The issue is the danger she says her husband poses to his daughter, himself, and others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, all the divorced guys found this thread in a hurry.

OP, call your local precinct or ask your divorce attorney if you have options.

I'm happily married. Still think the OP is carrying on in a controlling fashion. Her concern is valid; her tone and demeanor are counterproductive. My guess is she's controlling in many aspects of her life and in her relationship -- a man who makes a remark to their child like he did is driven to that out of exasperation.

A man who makes a remark like that to his CHILD is an inappropriate a$$hole, and a man who texts while driving is a serious danger to her. You men and your hangups about being "controlled." Ridiculous that that's the priority over that little girl's welfare. Just pathetic.

Keep talking, OP. The more you do, the more we understand your husband's contempt for you.

I'm not the OP. I'm happily married, too, and not controlling. You seriously think it's OK to text while driving? With a child in the car, no less? You're as big a jerk as OP's stbx, and probably also a jerk who texts while driving. I hope you don't take any innocent victims with you when you total your car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, all the divorced guys found this thread in a hurry.

OP, call your local precinct or ask your divorce attorney if you have options.

I'm happily married. Still think the OP is carrying on in a controlling fashion. Her concern is valid; her tone and demeanor are counterproductive. My guess is she's controlling in many aspects of her life and in her relationship -- a man who makes a remark to their child like he did is driven to that out of exasperation.

A man who makes a remark like that to his CHILD is an inappropriate a$$hole, and a man who texts while driving is a serious danger to her. You men and your hangups about being "controlled." Ridiculous that that's the priority over that little girl's welfare. Just pathetic.

Keep talking, OP. The more you do, the more we understand your husband's contempt for you.

What makes you think that's the OP?

The tone. The idea that there would be multiple women who interact with others in that manner is just depressing.