OP, you should say all of this directly to the parent of the child and stop being so passive aggressive.

Anonymous wrote:And I say "oh, no...don't worry about it" when you tell him to clean it up before you go it's not because I'm being polite. It's because I want your child out of my home as quickly as possible. And no, you don't get to "teach him" to clean up messes he makes this way. Teach him to not trash other peoples playrooms in the first place.

I'm sorry OP, you lost the high ground. I don't doubt the child created an out of control mess but the mom here was probably upset as well and just trying to help. I don't see whats wrong with her trying to get him to clean it up. You would have been equally upset if she had scooped him up without trying to clean. There was no good choice for her here (and before you judge, know that no children are perfect and you really don't know what was going on there). If you didn't want her there, you ask them to leave, thats all. Pretty simple.

How did it get this far? Kids this age don't need constant supervision but checking in every once in a while is appropriate. Especially about 10 to 15 minutes before they are supposed to be picked up. Even if it was an ordinary mess, and not a huge mess, you should have given them time to clean up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define "trashed." You don't get to have a hissy fit without defining it.

The fact is, I have a playroom and, with the 8-9 year old set, my playroom is quite a mess when they leave. Group mentality or just excitement of all being together. They know better in their own homes. I'm quite able to cope without getting my panties in a twist.

I think OP needs to chill.

But you, of course, "get to" tell other people when they can and cannot have a "hissy fit." Sounds to me like someone has a poorly behaved older kid who trashes things.

You're not helping your case, OP. You sound unstable.

I am OP. That reply was not me. I did define the mess and found it entirely unacceptable for a nine year old. My child was crying because he values his things, and knew how long it was going to take to re-sort all the board games. That child will never be allowed back. I posted here partially to vent and partially to let parents of out-of-control destructive kids know why they aren't getting invited back to places.

Anonymous wrote:I think the 9 year old visitor behaved disgracefully. I'm afraid I would expect both parent and child to pick every single thing back up before leaving. I really would. And they'd probably never be invited back again.

And then they put everything back in the wrong place and it is really annoying.

More supervision was required with these kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define "trashed." You don't get to have a hissy fit without defining it.

The fact is, I have a playroom and, with the 8-9 year old set, my playroom is quite a mess when they leave. Group mentality or just excitement of all being together. They know better in their own homes. I'm quite able to cope without getting my panties in a twist.

I think OP needs to chill.

But you, of course, "get to" tell other people when they can and cannot have a "hissy fit." Sounds to me like someone has a poorly behaved older kid who trashes things.

You're not helping your case, OP. You sound unstable.

I find your dynamic very, very odd.

You throw a fit because toys are on the floor of the playroom.

You'd rather play the martyr than have the offender take responsibility, own his offense, and clean it up.

Your own child is in tears because he knows what is coming from you -- very, very telling.

You sound like a nightmare, OP. Playrooms get dirty. Toys get taken out. It's not "trashing the playroom." It's having a good time. Set a time limit on fun next time. And get an idea about why you would rather be passive aggressive than actually get what you want -- the kids cleaning up. Your martyr act is way, way, old. Like 1960's old.

Sounds like a gentle talk with DS is in order. At nine, he should stand up to a friend who is going against house rules. I'm pretty sure the OP has taught her DS that trashing the playroom is unacceptable. DS should know it is his responsibility to tell friends when they are violating house rules. OP's DS should be taught to tell friends, "That's not acceptable in my house - stop." He should also know he can/should get a parent when the friend continues.

It also sounds like OP needs to monitor the playroom a litter closer with this particular friend.

When my DD was younger, she had a friend who would come over and pick all my flowers to turn into "soup." DD and I talked that a few flowers were OK but pulling off all the camellias buds were not. (GRERRRR!!) We also talked about what to do when she told her friend this who then wouldn't listen. This was very helpful for my DD.

Yeah, OP, I know what you mean. In my case, my oldest DD is messy as all hell--it takes her 15 minutes to make a damn mess out of her room. She has friend who are even MESSIER--and like to take things apart, reshuffle them, crack things open to see how things work...

All I can say is these kids might wind up being scientists and engineers.

Or else juvies.

Your child cries if his toys are not kept on the shelf? Isn't that... weird?

Anonymous wrote:Define "trashed." You don't get to have a hissy fit without defining it.

The fact is, I have a playroom and, with the 8-9 year old set, my playroom is quite a mess when they leave. Group mentality or just excitement of all being together. They know better in their own homes. I'm quite able to cope without getting my panties in a twist.

I think OP needs to chill.

But you, of course, "get to" tell other people when they can and cannot have a "hissy fit." Sounds to me like someone has a poorly behaved older kid who trashes things.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why not go into the playroom five minutes or so before the parent comes to pick up the child, and tell the kids it's time to start cleaning up? Then supervise them. Problem solved. Or would you rather just complain to everyone else about what a terror these other children are?

+2. And, I'm pretty sure the answer is the "rather" choice in you post. Honestly, people like OP are exhausting.

Define "trashed." You don't get to have a hissy fit without defining it.

The fact is, I have a playroom and, with the 8-9 year old set, my playroom is quite a mess when they leave. Group mentality or just excitement of all being together. They know better in their own homes. I'm quite able to cope without getting my panties in a twist.

I think OP needs to chill.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why not go into the playroom five minutes or so before the parent comes to pick up the child, and tell the kids it's time to start cleaning up? Then supervise them. Problem solved. Or would you rather just complain to everyone else about what a terror these other children are?

I think OP's point was that this was above and beyond the normal mess. Not to mention they are 9 and know better. Sounds like the kid went ape sh-t.

OP, why not go into the playroom five minutes or so before the parent comes to pick up the child, and tell the kids it's time to start cleaning up? Then supervise them. Problem solved. Or would you rather just complain to everyone else about what a terror these other children are?

Anonymous wrote:OP here: board games tipped out with pieces/cards mixed on floor, shelves emptied of toys, baskets of cars turned over, etc. At nine, I think any mess you can't pick up in 10 minutes is excessive, and if your mom has to oversee you to clean it up, I'd rather you just leave. Ugh.

I agree, based on the kids being nine years old. I would have been mortified if my DD trashed a room that way.
My actual DD is only three, and I could see her possibly losing her mind and trashing a room, and I'd really hope we would be given the opportunity to clean it up. At age three. At age nine, I'd just apologize, whisk her out of your house, yell at her on our own time, and have her send you an apology letter.