Your mother sounds incredibly insensitive as do most of the posters here, who I'm willing to wager have never been through IVF or used a surrogate.

I get why you want to be there,OP. I do. You have to do what is right for you and DH.

Party.

I don't get why you would sell your house and risk financial security for a 3rd child. One, ok, two, maybe but for a third, if you cannot afford it outright and a house, your situation makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:You grandfather will never have another 90th bday party

Realistically, he might never have another birthday party (or birthday, for that matter), period.

Go to the party. This is not even a hard one!

The party may be one day, but is that the one and only day when family are together? Some around the day before, or day after? Maybe miss the actual party but show up.

Your mother's anxiety is a non-issue. Except she really ought to seek help.

Are you sure the surrogate wants you there? I wouldn't if I were the surrogate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you're not getting more sympathy from some posters OP, but then I missed my stepfather's 75th birthday party because of our IVF. Maybe you could go to the lunch and facetime for the procedure or something? I think it's hard either way.

Just wrong.

Clearly you have no idea what's involved in IVF. I had to find a mover that would agree to cancel our big house move w/o penalty because I was cycling and the transfer could fall on move day. OP, I'm curious what kind of responses you would get if you posted on the Infertility Forum.

I was there at conception and I am the one that carried my and my DH baby full term - both my DH and I were drunk!!! For my first DC we tried for three months, so I don't even remember the night it happened.

The kid will have NO idea if you were there or not and it won't matter down the road.

Go to the party. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but there is a chance that this transfer will not be successful.

I hate to pile on, OP, but I also think you should go to the party. And honestly, don't you think it will be more than a little awkward for the surrogate to have you and DH there?

Have to agree with PPs that you should go to the party. You will have millions (millions!) of moments to bond with the baby that will be far more meaningful and will go on for many years to come. Not so with the 90 year old grandfather.

Go to the party.

Are you serious? Go to the party!! You will be connected to the baby because it will be your baby, not because you were in a clinic office when the cells were transferred to the surrogate. You've done your part, I am sure the surrogate will do just fine without you to hold her hand for the 2 minutes it will take.

It means the world to your family, this isn't even close. It's not your child's birth you're missing! And this may not even result in a baby. Get your priorities in order and focus on the family you have.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you're not getting more sympathy from some posters OP, but then I missed my stepfather's 75th birthday party because of our IVF. Maybe you could go to the lunch and facetime for the procedure or something? I think it's hard either way.

Just wrong.

Are you kidding? Grandfather's party is far more important.

You grandfather will never have another 90th bday party and frankly no one else you may know or love will have one. You will have another chance to attend your surrogate's procedure if this one doesn't work.

Many, many, many people have no idea when their child was conceived. It has nothing to do with the connection with the possible child.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you're not getting more sympathy from some posters OP, but then I missed my stepfather's 75th birthday party because of our IVF. Maybe you could go to the lunch and facetime for the procedure or something? I think it's hard either way.

Not her IVF. The Surrogate's IVF.