Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if people don't like to host in their homes, they should definitely invite you out to a restaurant to reciprocate.

This is what we do. We just don't have the space in our condo for this - but we would invite you out to dinner to reciprocate.

That being said, I think OP needs to change her mindset. You don't know what goes on in other people's lives. Maybe they are poor, maybe they have a marriage on the rocks, maybe a sick relative at home. Who knows!? But, to put your belief and cultural system onto someone else - seems unfair.

I am not sure that this is a "cultural belief" that when someone opens up their home to you and shows hospitality, the polite thing to do is to reciprocate in some way. It seems that you do this by taking people out. Others have other ways of reciprocating. Just something to make the other person feel valued and appreciated.

Well, I'm not from this "culture" so I am very careful not to impose my standards on others (as it appears OP is doing). While it is polite to reciprocate in some way, OP seems fixated on being invited over to other peoples homes or "counting this for that"






Where I am from, you give not to receive but because you enjoy giving and cherish your friends. That may not be the custom where OP is from or here in the US. It seems here you keep a score card on who gave what to whom and how much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.

OP, if you invite people over so they'll "owe you one" or you expect something in return, just stop. Invite people over because you enjoy their company and want to have a good time. Otherwise you're being selfish and a bad friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if people don't like to host in their homes, they should definitely invite you out to a restaurant to reciprocate.

This is what we do. We just don't have the space in our condo for this - but we would invite you out to dinner to reciprocate.

That being said, I think OP needs to change her mindset. You don't know what goes on in other people's lives. Maybe they are poor, maybe they have a marriage on the rocks, maybe a sick relative at home. Who knows!? But, to put your belief and cultural system onto someone else - seems unfair.

I am not sure that this is a "cultural belief" that when someone opens up their home to you and shows hospitality, the polite thing to do is to reciprocate in some way. It seems that you do this by taking people out. Others have other ways of reciprocating. Just something to make the other person feel valued and appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.

I'm wondering if you appreciate how this sounds, because it sounds an awful lot like you just said people owe you favors because you invited them over to your house. An invitation shouldn't come with these kinds of expectations. Now that you've laid out what you do expect, I wonder if you really would be satisfied if they invited you to join them at a restaurant with everyone paying their own way, even if that is what fit their means.

I am not Indian, and I agree with OP that gestures of hospitality should be returned in some way. I think OP's point is less about "owing favors" than it is about gracious behavior - acknowledging the pleasure of experiencing a dinner party with a return gesture of some kind. Repeated "thank yous" eventually feel meaningless to a host who is looking for a give-and-take friendship/relationship.

OP, I too like to host, and we do so pretty frequently. It annoys me when people we have had at our house for dinner repeatedly do not do anything at all to reciprocate. Over time it makes me feel used and unappreciated, so I do not invite them back.

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of ours invites me over frequently for simple home cooked meals. I enjoy this and her company. I am a terrible cook and don't enjoy hosting, so I make sure to invite her and her DH out to casual dinners (and pay) to kind of reciprocate. We aren't counting, but I do want to make sure she and her DH know I appreciate it and also want to give back.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP.
We have a single friend who comes over fairly often and I never expect a reciprocal invitation from him since he lives in a small apartment with a tiny kitchen. But whenever he comes, he brings over something thoughtful for me, and has even offered to babysit for us on multiple occasions. I love these gestures and he will be invited to my house for a long time to come.

It's the folks who don't reciprocate and have the means to do so that bother me. We have even experienced people coming over, eating, having a great time and never contacting us again. Not even to say thank you.

I am Indian, and in our culture we have a term for such people - KKK - an acronym that roughly translates to, "Ate, Drank, Outta here."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.

I'm wondering if you appreciate how this sounds, because it sounds an awful lot like you just said people owe you favors because you invited them over to your house. An invitation shouldn't come with these kinds of expectations. Now that you've laid out what you do expect, I wonder if you really would be satisfied if they invited you to join them at a restaurant with everyone paying their own way, even if that is what fit their means.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.

I'm wondering if you appreciate how this sounds, because it sounds an awful lot like you just said people owe you favors because you invited them over to your house. An invitation shouldn't come with these kinds of expectations. Now that you've laid out what you do expect, I wonder if you really would be satisfied if they invited you to join them at a restaurant with everyone paying their own way, even if that is what fit their means.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if people don't like to host in their homes, they should definitely invite you out to a restaurant to reciprocate.

This is what we do. We just don't have the space in our condo for this - but we would invite you out to dinner to reciprocate.

That being said, I think OP needs to change her mindset. You don't know what goes on in other people's lives. Maybe they are poor, maybe they have a marriage on the rocks, maybe a sick relative at home. Who knows!? But, to put your belief and cultural system onto someone else - seems unfair.

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

To those who have explained the perspective of why people don't entertain, thank you.



If you can not invite people back (for whatever reason) other gestures are appreciated. A mailed thank you note. Offering a ride to the airport. Bringing over something from your garden. Babysitting. Whatever you can afford with your time and money. I think too often people think that others don't care about these manners and etiquette. I think people do care and they do notice when it's not done.