Anonymous wrote:What exactly would you talk to them about? They have a child who is severely mentally ill, for whom they have not yet found an effective treatment, but whom they continue to try to help. They have looked into in-patient facilities for him, but by even the OP's own concession, they probably can't afford it. At this moment in time, the child is effectively non-functional. What new alternative does the OP have for them? To just throw him out onto the street to die? Because that's what would happen -- this isn't someone who's going to have an epiphany and straighten his life out, we're talking about a severely disabled person. If it were a physical handicap, would you make the same recommendation? So what do you think you will offer them, OP? What bright shiny new answer that they're completely unable to appreciate, despite the years they've been dealing with this?

I realize that all sounds angry, but as the sister of someone with similarly severe mental illness I cannot begin to tell you how offensive it is when someone, in their near-complete ignorance about how mental health treatment works, presumes to tell you how you're doing it all wrong.

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of everyone saying stay out of it do not interfere. Well there are many cases where suicide could have been prevented if maybe everyone stepped out of their comfort zone a bit and did something and spoke up even when it was not comfortable!!
YES talk to your friend but be mindful of the devastation they are experiencing and preface it all by telling her how much you care and that you are there for her no matter what.

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of everyone saying stay out of it do not interfere. Well there are many cases where suicide could have been prevented if maybe everyone stepped out of their comfort zone a bit and did something and spoke up even when it was not comfortable!!
YES talk to your friend but be mindful of the devastation they are experiencing and preface it all by telling her how much you care and that you are there for her no matter what.

Anonymous wrote:What exactly would you talk to them about? They have a child who is severely mentally ill, for whom they have not yet found an effective treatment, but whom they continue to try to help. They have looked into in-patient facilities for him, but by even the OP's own concession, they probably can't afford it. At this moment in time, the child is effectively non-functional. What new alternative does the OP have for them? To just throw him out onto the street to die? Because that's what would happen -- this isn't someone who's going to have an epiphany and straighten his life out, we're talking about a severely disabled person. If it were a physical handicap, would you make the same recommendation? So what do you think you will offer them, OP? What bright shiny new answer that they're completely unable to appreciate, despite the years they've been dealing with this?

I realize that all sounds angry, but as the sister of someone with similarly severe mental illness I cannot begin to tell you how offensive it is when someone, in their near-complete ignorance about how mental health treatment works, presumes to tell you how you're doing it all wrong.

Anonymous wrote:What exactly would you talk to them about? They have a child who is severely mentally ill, for whom they have not yet found an effective treatment, but whom they continue to try to help. They have looked into in-patient facilities for him, but by even the OP's own concession, they probably can't afford it. At this moment in time, the child is effectively non-functional. What new alternative does the OP have for them? To just throw him out onto the street to die? Because that's what would happen -- this isn't someone who's going to have an epiphany and straighten his life out, we're talking about a severely disabled person. If it were a physical handicap, would you make the same recommendation? So what do you think you will offer them, OP? What bright shiny new answer that they're completely unable to appreciate, despite the years they've been dealing with this?

I realize that all sounds angry, but as the sister of someone with similarly severe mental illness I cannot begin to tell you how offensive it is when someone, in their near-complete ignorance about how mental health treatment works, presumes to tell you how you're doing it all wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this isn't some failure to launch story or someone who is clinically depressed...

OP said he had multitude of mental health issues, including possible schizophrenia... If he presented as a danger to himself or others than an intervention would be absolutely necessary.

Other than that, it is something THEY need to navigate and you need to BUTT out of cause you have no idea. Saying something like you are thinking could END your friendship since you don't realize how insensitive you are coming off and don't get how hard this most be for them.

If they had an adult child with Down syndrome living with them would you say the same thing?

how would speaking to her friend be insensitive? I do not agree at all. I think if anything it shows she cares and sees the devastation it is causing. Sometimes you see things more objectively when you are not directly in the line of fire.
Friends speak to their friends about the good, the hard, the bad and the ugly. Period.

Anonymous wrote:I think most will say to mind my own business which basically is what I have done but heres the story.

A very good friends son has mental illness (depression, bipolar, possible schizophrenic ) They have been dealing with these for almost 4 years after he had to leave college. He could not deal (was also doing some drugs heavy drinking while in school) was exacerbated the problem of course.

He has been home pretty much at 23 doing nothing. No job, no school, stays home in his room. They have had him going to many drs and programs which all start with a bang but then fizzle out and this has been the cycle for over 3 years now. It is heartbreaking. It has taken a HUGE toll on their family, their happiness, they are mere skeleton of the family they once were. My friend is the eternal optimist, she can never admit things are really bad. VERY BAD.
Once in a great while when shes at a breaking point she will but rarely, I think it is her own coping mechanism.

They talk a lot about him going away to a facility to get treatment but don't "do". I think its part emotional and part financial. They do very well but still these places are a fortune. The way those closest to them see it they are without intentionally doing it, enabling him. He is not growing even one bit and every day he is getting older with nothing to show for it. It is sad. He can't live with them forever and stay in his room doing nothing.

For me seeing the effects its had on their younger son who is my sons very good friend has been heartbreaking to watch. I know they see it and have acknowledged it but I am starting to feel like they are being outright selfish in their relentless desire to "fix" him. It's not going to happen, they cannot fix him. He has been on literally every medication, and now they are even starting shock therapy. But whats happening is their younger son is starting to act out and its so obvious it is because of how troubled he is over this. He has expressed this many times to my son and resents his older brother still being home (won't allow friends to come over for fear of embarrassment since the older brother barely speaks it is obvious something is not quite right).

Bottom line I love my friend and feel for what they are going through, but I feel like i want to take her by the shoulders and say wake up, this is not changing, its not only not gotten better, its gotten worse and look at the expense. Their families happiness, her husband looks like a walking corpse he has lost so much weight, stopped his social sporting activities, my friend quit her part time job to oversee her son, and then you look at the younger son who is really suffering. It is so sad. Is it my place to say anything? It would be out of a place of nothing but total love and sincerity in hopes that they can be whole again.