Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 18:14     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 18:02     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Anonymous wrote:I think you should keep it a secret. She sounds like she is emotionally abusing him. He may feel trapped and wants to get out. Telling her will trap him further.


This. And and he probably chose you because he knew you would understand. He is going to need at least one understanding in law when this marriage blows up. Poor guy.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 18:00     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Anonymous wrote:My sister was in a similar situation. A former brother-in-law loudly and often proclaimed how often he would be leaving her the second kids were in college. She like your sister was not a very good spouse (border line abusive) from my perspective. And I saw them fairly often and dealt with a lot of their issue secondhand. We all knew. She knew we all knew. Regardless, she didn't believe it and tell he left. And she then spent the following 10 years complaining about being blindsided trying to get her children to cut off all contact with their father who was by all intents a good dad. It was so ugly. I made a choice to not get involved. I supported her but I didn't enable. I would not say anything.


Totally agree. OP has acknowledged the sister is a bad spouse, belittles her husband in public, is manipulative- a real peach overall. Why would you tell her this? The guy definitely should have kept his mouth shut but NOTHING good will come from telling the sister.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:59     Subject: Re:Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
If you tell her she will not only tell your BIL, make his life more of a living hell, they will both blame you for telling. Not to be mean but the poor man deserves better than your sister. Let her get the full on justice she deserves. Let him be the one to tell her he's leaving.

I hate women that bully their husbands and do it in public. My sister did that to her second husband. I'm proud to say I had a hand in their divorce.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:58     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Anonymous wrote:OP: I think he told me because he wanted to let it out but instead of one of the guys, someone who has seen the situation firsthand for a long time.

Your sister seems emotionally abusive. Maybe he told you because he trusts you. Keep quiet.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:53     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Anonymous wrote:My sister was in a similar situation. A former brother-in-law loudly and often proclaimed how often he would be leaving her the second kids were in college. She like your sister was not a very good spouse (border line abusive) from my perspective. And I saw them fairly often and dealt with a lot of their issue secondhand. We all knew. She knew we all knew. Regardless, she didn't believe it and tell he left. And she then spent the following 10 years complaining about being blindsided trying to get her children to cut off all contact with their father who was by all intents a good dad. It was so ugly. I made a choice to not get involved. I supported her but I didn't enable. I would not say anything.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:42     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
My sister was in a similar situation. A former brother-in-law loudly and often proclaimed how often he would be leaving her the second kids were in college. She like your sister was not a very good spouse (border line abusive) from my perspective. And I saw them fairly often and dealt with a lot of their issue secondhand. We all knew. She knew we all knew. Regardless, she didn't believe it and tell he left. And she then spent the following 10 years complaining about being blindsided trying to get her children to cut off all contact with their father who was by all intents a good dad. It was so ugly. I made a choice to not get involved. I supported her but I didn't enable. I would not say anything.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:29     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
I think you should keep it a secret. She sounds like she is emotionally abusing him. He may feel trapped and wants to get out. Telling her will trap him further.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:28     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Honestly, you never really know what's going on in a marriage unless you're in it. Maybe your sister looks like she's not a great spouse but what kind of guy tells his sister in law that he's going to divorce his wife before actually telling his wife? He's sounds like an a** himself.

Tell her, she's your sister.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:19     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
You're still not believe you and will blame you either way if her marriage fails or succeeds. Do not get involved. Butt out. This is nothing but trouble.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:18     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
OP: I think he told me because he wanted to let it out but instead of one of the guys, someone who has seen the situation firsthand for a long time.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:18     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Anonymous wrote:Are we really suggesting she keep this secret from HER SISTER?

You have to tell your sister and I wish I had a good idea of how to do it.

Maybe, "So when you and cupcake went to the store, Joe had a couple of beers and was talking about you all having more serious problems. Like the kind of problems that end up with you not being Mrs. Joe any more. Have you guys talked about this at home? Is there anything you want to talk about with me?"



I agree.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:11     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
Go brother in law!!! Woo hoo.

I would keep my mouth shut. Sounds like he's not going to be a deadbeat and is doing the fair thing. Plus, from my experience, if a wife is as horrible as you say, she thinks the man it's too much of a weak link to actually call her out on her bullshit. she isn't going to believe you even if you say something.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:10     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?
He would never have told you this if he didn't expect it to be communicated to her. Go ahead and tell her. She does sound pretty awful - borderline abusive, and if they've been married 20 years, I'd bet that one child is nearly out of the house. This is very common; there is a huge spike in divorce rates at the 20 year mark.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2015 17:09     Subject: Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?

I can't believe PPs who told OP to mind her own business and not tell her own sister.

You tell your sister calmly and matter of factly what her husband said. In private.

Perhaps she already knows. Perhaps she knows he's crazy, or liable to say things while drunk. Perhaps she already has a plan. Perhaps she's going to be surprised and hate you (temporarily).

But your duty is to tell her. None of this was in confidence, and if it was, his confidence is seriously misplaced.