Anonymous wrote:The vast percentage of parents of suicide victims have no idea their kids were depressed. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for young adults. Most are make, white and under 21. One in 10 college students has made a plan for suicide.

I think as the mother of an 18yo college son it would be reckless of me not to stalk enough to make sure he is ok.

I have read of too many accounts of parents that are blindsided and claim "every thing seemed fine" when we talked to them.

Does your DS have prior issues with depression? Clearly you should do what works for you, but stalking your kid's social media because you fear he may commit suicide is an odd reason. You have taken one issue and made it your reason for hovering.

But then again, we talk to our college age kids pretty regularly and don't need social media to know what they are up to. And if we rely on what they post to know their mental state, we would not know much because they don't post much that we could see. We made sure that they know of the campus resources in case they did feel that desperate.

Agree with PP. DCs are not college age yet - HS and MS. They can have accounts, but only if private (not open to public) and if they are prudent in what they post. As a result they do not post much. But a lot of their peers have totally public instagram, twitter, vine, etc., that anyone could find with a simple Google search (not restricted to friends). And some of the stuff is unattractive …

So, I don't have college aged kids but I do have nieces that age. Every once in awhile I google them just to see what is easy to find. When I find something questionable I forward it to them. It might be creepy but I do it because they will be in the workforce soon and potential employers do the same thing. I want them to know that things on the internet live forever, and if I can find it anyone can. I don't do anything beyond a simple google search, btw. I just google and then forward them the link and say, "It took me 3 seconds to find this picture of you in your bra at Phi Tau. Pull it together!"

The vast percentage of parents of suicide victims have no idea their kids were depressed. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for young adults. Most are make, white and under 21. One in 10 college students has made a plan for suicide.

I think as the mother of an 18yo college son it would be reckless of me not to stalk enough to make sure he is ok.

I have read of too many accounts of parents that are blindsided and claim "every thing seemed fine" when we talked to them.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Never. I've got great kids. they are responsible and making honor roll in college. It would never occur to me to snoop around on them.

Then how do you know your kids are so great?
They could be smoking pot, whoring around...
You would never know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm having a hard time not checking her Facebook and then checking out her new friends.

College kids don't use Facebook, or if they do they post a very sanitized version of their lives in case any parents are stalking them. The real nudie/drunken pictures are posted elsewhere.

+1 to this. My DS's Facebook page is boring. The good stuff he posts to Instagram, SnapChat or Twitter. I usually only see it when our younger daughter (who follows DS) shows us something. Honestly, sometimes it's better not to know...

+2. DH and I are FB friends with DC and we see her feed - when she posts something, which is rare these days. We didn't know she had a boyfriend for several months until she told us.

I'm Facebook friends with my kids, and my nieces and nephews. I'm also friends with my siblings and we got our parents an account. The cousins are all Facebook friends as well and are friends with the other family members who have accounts. We all keep up with each other's Facebooks as one way of staying in touch although obviously the Facebook profile is not a complete picture of someone's life.

I don't consider that stalking, but that may not actually be what you're talking about.

That said, IMO anyone who won't look at someone's Facebook page specifically in order to "respect the person's privacy" does not understand the nature of Facebook or the Internet. We taught our kids from the time they were old enough to touch a computer that everything they did on the Internet should be something they are comfortable having broadcast over CNN and put on the front page of the paper in grandma's hometown plus on the radio and TV news, because that is exactly how much "privacy" there is for anything done online. Once it's out there it's out there and the world is your potential audience even if only your 5 best friends actually care about what you are posting.

Wow, it never occurred to me at all! When each of them were about to leave for college, I told them they were now allowed to change their passwords for their phones if they wanted.

I'm FB friends with both and neither use it very often. But we Skype twice a week, and I know they're doing fine.

Yes, I have his facebook, instagram, blackboard, and iphone (findmyiphone) passwords.

It's not torture at all. Just pics of her laughing and hanging out with friends.

why torture yourself?

Seriously? Never. I've got great kids. they are responsible and making honor roll in college. It would never occur to me to snoop around on them.

I don't. She works for a photographer and has since high school. There is a lot of promotion and marketing done through social media so all of her accounts have been responsible regarding what's being posted and shared.

How about, since your kids are in the process of becoming self-sufficient adults, and they are all over 18, you just sit back and watch their development, off-line?

OP, it will fade. Your interest will fade naturally. Don't be too hard on yourself. Right now it's probably an adjustment.