Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are still healing OP. Give yourself sometime and you will start to love again. I feel really sorry for you. <<hugs>> Anger is part of the grieving process.

Talk to your DH about how much it means to you. The three of you are in a different place now then you were back then. She will be moving out soon and that may change things for her. Hang in there.

She has been healing for 2+ years, being merely civil and quiet. Seriously, you think that is fair to the child involved? I am sorry, but that is way, way, way selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

PP I thought it was mean to declare her "unfit for motherhood". Mean and rude - have you ever had a miscarriage? Try showing her some compassion.

OP, focus on the messages of support. Hugs to you.

I have indeed had a miscarriage. And I do indeed believe that a stepmother, who signed up to be a stepmother, and was quiet and civil only to her step daughter for two years, from 14-16, and "dislikes" her stepdaughter, may indeed be unfit for motherhood. I give zero f&cks if you think that is mean.

Who are you to judge who is fit/unfit for motherhood? Maybe STEPmotherhood turned out to be something OP is not cut out for, but give me a break. Not many people will unconditionally love a 14 year old as a mother would. It's just a fact of life. Divorce sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

PP I thought it was mean to declare her "unfit for motherhood". Mean and rude - have you ever had a miscarriage? Try showing her some compassion.

OP, focus on the messages of support. Hugs to you.

I have indeed had a miscarriage. And I do indeed believe that a stepmother, who signed up to be a stepmother, and was quiet and civil only to her step daughter for two years, from 14-16, and "dislikes" her stepdaughter, may indeed be unfit for motherhood. I give zero f&cks if you think that is mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are still healing OP. Give yourself sometime and you will start to love again. I feel really sorry for you. <<hugs>> Anger is part of the grieving process.

Talk to your DH about how much it means to you. The three of you are in a different place now then you were back then. She will be moving out soon and that may change things for her. Hang in there.

She has been healing for 2+ years, being merely civil and quiet. Seriously, you think that is fair to the child involved? I am sorry, but that is way, way, way selfish.

Anonymous wrote:You are still healing OP. Give yourself sometime and you will start to love again. I feel really sorry for you. <<hugs>> Anger is part of the grieving process.

Talk to your DH about how much it means to you. The three of you are in a different place now then you were back then. She will be moving out soon and that may change things for her. Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

PP I thought it was mean to declare her "unfit for motherhood". Mean and rude - have you ever had a miscarriage? Try showing her some compassion.

OP, focus on the messages of support. Hugs to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

Anonymous wrote:That must be really difficult for you. I would sit down with your husband and let him know how important it is to you to have a child. My husband has older kids like our situation too so he was on the fence about having more, given his divorce situation but he agreed, we had one and its been wonderful for both of us. He far more enjoys parenting now, than he did before given he is older and in a better place financially. I don't think I could have been happy if he said no.

As for your stepdaughter, find a way to let it go. She is young and worried about feeling replaced. Having our dad remarry with a new family is hard as you don't know where you fit in. Dad needs to be reassuring that their relationship would not change and he loves her regardless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.