My brother took a down grade. After his divorce, women stopped flocking to him. He had a kid and he is much older. He knows the choices are fewer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I left DH after he cheated. I have had a couple of great relationships (if you aren't searching for the father of your children, you can date a wider variety of men) but have not remarried.

Yet, even single, it feels like an upgrade.

is this code for a wider economic range?

No.

Do you not have children?

A friend of mine got an upgrade. Her husband was a cheater and a bit of a drinker. She was a really good wife and he realized how much she did after they divorced. She went on to meet someone (well really reconnect with an old friend) quickly and got remarried, both are mid to late 40's and are a wonderful loving couple. She gets the adoration and recognition from him that she deserves. The exH is trolling dating sites and isn't having much luck.

Anonymous wrote:Well, I left DH after he cheated. I have had a couple of great relationships (if you aren't searching for the father of your children, you can date a wider variety of men) but have not remarried.

Yet, even single, it feels like an upgrade.

is this code for a wider economic range?

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who sort of upgraded. But she was a widow, and it took years after her husband passed away. I think the dynamic has lots to do with age. A 50-year-old woman, even if she is pretty, in great shape, and makes good money, is still... well, a mature woman. A handsome and successful 50-year-old guy can be a catch for a wide range of women. It is just not the same at, say, 30. Thirty-year-olds are still young and full of potential. I think for us ladies the real decline in prospects kicks in after mid-forties. Not so much for guys. This sucks, but what can you do?

nature balances it out. from 15-30, women have a massive house edge in dating value.

I got divorced and then remarried. My ex dh is still single. I'm very happy. I don't think he is.

Me. But I married & divorced very young, have a thriving career & used to be mistaken for a model.

I'm not saying that to brag, but to point out that women upgrading is NOT the norm. I'm an exception to the (horrible) rule cited by op.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

No therapist worth their salt would say that. Even if it has been their experience anecdotally.

Actually, mine said the same.

What I really don't like is the way this whole thing is phrased - like people are products to be ranked and compared.

I know a few people - specifically an ex-gf and I - who "upgraded" by splitting up and meeting other people. My new SO is a significantly better match for me, as is my ex's new beau. I haven't met him, so I don't know him well, but from outward appearances, he's much closer to what she wanted and probably makes her much happier than I did. I'd bet he's a huge upgrade in her eyes. My DW is a huge upgrade for me.

The ranking bit is just very shallow and immature. As the PP above noted: her new husband makes her much happier, even if he's not doing as well on some scorecards.

Well, I left DH after he cheated. I have had a couple of great relationships (if you aren't searching for the father of your children, you can date a wider variety of men) but have not remarried.

Yet, even single, it feels like an upgrade.

I upgraded to a man who is the same age and approximate professional level as my ex, who is a better husband to me. Ex is engaged to someone who is a couple of years older than me, who is more successful professionally than me and who is a better partner for him than I was.

I personally like to think that we both upgraded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

No therapist worth their salt would say that. Even if it has been their experience anecdotally.

Just to add, a good therapist would discuss the possibility that remarriage might not occur and explore feelings around that, but not predict the future in such a negative way.

Anonymous wrote:According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

No therapist worth their salt would say that. Even if it has been their experience anecdotally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the simplistic notion that the person with the better combination of looks and personality will land the better next spouse.

Which is why I'll never divorce DW! She'd end up with a much better guy than me and I'd end up alone with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of Jergens.

Thank goodness she doesn't realize how much better she could do.

Honey? When did you start reading DCUM?

My exDH left me when DS was 6 months old. Fast forward 15 yrs and 2 kids. I've been married 13 yrs to someone who is much better looking, very smart, a great father, good husband. ExDH has gone through a string of women, but never married again. Buried himself in work, but isn't all that successful. Doesn't seem happy. DH adopted DS1 many years ago, so even that worked out better.

Contrary to a PPs statements, if I had met DH same time or prior to exDH, I would have never married exDH.