Op, he sounds like a dick. Sorry the posters aren't more supportive.

You are presenting to him a problem he can't fix--and by saying you are lonely he is feeling blamed, when he is out of town doing something for the household.

You are both overwhelmed, but it sounds like he cares. Try starting out with some appreciations of each other. Praise begets praise, and that might have gotten you what you were looking for more easily than the request.

Congrats OP. You got the response You wanted so now you can be satisfied that he's the asshole and you're perfect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

You're 25, OP, right? Did I guess that right?

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

OP, there is not a whole lot of info to go on, but this sounds a bit like the dynamic that happens with people who have a loved one with a personality disorder. The coldness and lack of empathy with you and the charm and different personality with others also fits.

Go take a look at "narcissistic personality disorder" and "borderline personality disorder".

I disagree with what most posters have said. There are too many assumptions that you have been excessively needy, but I didnt read it that way, because I have been in a long marriage with a man just diagnosed with Borderline, and it explains all the weirdness Ive dealt with for far too long. I am FAR from needy, but the fact is he cared about NONE of my needs and I mean NONE in ANY amount. This was not how it began, but how it warped over time.

Also catching my eye is the term abuse. I think you might be referring to manipulation. This is what personality disorder people do and its very disorienting. Over time it can become abusive, it did in my case/ Terrible emotional abuse. But began with neglect and eventually morphed into a total lack of empathy, physical bullying and menacing. Horrifying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

We're not mind readers. You provide information, and ask for feedback based on what you've provided. And many people have.

The tone with which you're responding to people makes me feel sorry for your DH. I'm a woman myself. I grew up with an emotionally abusive and manipulative parent, who always thought himself to be the victim. You might want to work with a professional to figure out what your own responsibility is in achieving "reassurance" or some kind of peace in your life, instead of blaming everyone else. I'm sorry you're not receiving all the answers you thought you were going to get or wanted, but sometimes opposing viewpoints can be an opportunity for growth. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Interesting. I am 20:02 and I posted a thoughtful reply, but you seem to want to be a victim here and IRL. This might be something you want to take a look at, maybe with the help of a licensed psychotherapist?

OP, typically, when people are posting here and giving examples, they give the best example that they can think of, one that really makes their point. What you have posted is silly and not at all worthy of the extreme drama you are creating. I think it's interesting that you now prefer to "blame" the posters, who almost universally agree that you are the problem. Your poor DH>

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Interesting. I am 20:02 and I posted a thoughtful reply, but you seem to want to be a victim here and IRL. This might be something you want to take a look at, maybe with the help of a licensed psychotherapist?