The hyphen is silly and confusing. A different last name also is confusing, good idea.

14:15 again -- forgot to add that my maiden name is now my middle name, legally, and still very much a part of my identity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

So you aren't your parents' daughter?

He isn't happy to be married into your family?

I can see changing your name, but OMG at your reasons for doing it.

Of course I am, very much so. My children bear middle names which honor my family, in order to keep that connection. But my primary identity in my present and future is as a wife to my husband, a mother to my children, and co-head and representative of our growing immediate family, so that is now my primary allegiance and I personally want my name to reflect that.

I'm sure he is; he gets along quite well with my family, actually, and is friends with my brother. I suppose the same concept would have been served by him switching to my surname, but I have brothers to carry on the line so I didn't specifically see the need for this and we are both pretty traditional so I was happy to just do what women historically did upon marriage to signal the new start to their lives. It's a bit sad that men don't have a tradition of a change in name or style to mark the major transition of a wedding, but I can't exactly do anything about that other than be glad that I do as a woman. I found it quite nice.

Again, though, everyone's choices and reasons are totally their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

So you aren't your parents' daughter?

He isn't happy to be married into your family?

I can see changing your name, but OMG at your reasons for doing it.

My reaction exactly

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do what feels right. I don't think it simplifies things but ymmv.

Would you use your birth name professionally still or switch that as well?

OP here..good question. I probably would keep my name professionally. But again does that complicate things even more? Is hyphenating the best of both worlds? Does anyone use different names at work and at home? Again, never considered any of this until now

I use my maiden name professionally. No real problems. Have been this way for ten years.

Good to hear. When do you use your husband's name?

Is it really simpler to teach your daughter that her name is less valuable than her eventual partner's? That she - and only she - should change who she is and who you raised her to be when she gets married or has kids?

I took my husband's name for simplicity's sake. The biggest PITA was waiting at the Social Security office and updating official records. I'm glad I've done - it was like starting anew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do what feels right. I don't think it simplifies things but ymmv.

Would you use your birth name professionally still or switch that as well?

OP here..good question. I probably would keep my name professionally. But again does that complicate things even more? Is hyphenating the best of both worlds? Does anyone use different names at work and at home? Again, never considered any of this until now

I use my maiden name professionally. No real problems. Have been this way for ten years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

So you aren't your parents' daughter?

He isn't happy to be married into your family?

I can see changing your name, but OMG at your reasons for doing it.

Anonymous wrote:
Unless there is a good, solid practical reason for it, I would never change my name.

What would you say is a practical reason for a name change?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

But if you don't take his name it does not mean you are in any way less committed to your family. Agree with the PP who said she admired her mother for keeping her name

Of course it doesn't, and I apologize if that's the way my words came across. My point was supposed to be that I personally viewed the name change as a symbolic way of marking that commitment for myself -- I tend to be a pretty sentimental person and I look for little rituals or traditions to find meaning in -- but that if that's not the way others feel about what changing the name would mean to them then they should make a different choice for reasons that are important to them.

Unless there is a good, solid practical reason for it, I would never change my name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do what feels right. I don't think it simplifies things but ymmv.

Would you use your birth name professionally still or switch that as well?

OP here..good question. I probably would keep my name professionally. But again does that complicate things even more? Is hyphenating the best of both worlds? Does anyone use different names at work and at home? Again, never considered any of this until now

I chose to hyphenate the names. First I didnt feel like going through the hassle of having to change over all my credit cards, bills, accounts, etc. Secondly because in my profession Everyone knows me by my last married name, and I didnt want to lose that. I still have a difficult time remembering what i have under married name, hyphenated and my old name. LOL it gets confusing at times but ti works for us.

my DH teases me and says I kept my last name from previous marriage so if something happens between us I can go back to the other and not have to change anything. Riiiiiiiight. NOT happening LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

But if you don't take his name it does not mean you are in any way less committed to your family. Agree with the PP who said she admired her mother for keeping her name

Hyphenating, if you can, is a perfect solution IMO. Not all names can be easily (or nicely) hyphenated.