The compassion line has two sides - and typically there are 17 kids on one side and one on the other.

I think we should focus on WHY some kids have disruptive behaviors, e.g to get attention, to avoid a task, to get access to preferred activity, sensory stimulation (too much noise), internal trigger (hungry/tired). Knowing why/what happens before the behaviors, will help the teachers to anticipate and do accommodations to prevent these behaviors, instead of keep responding to the negative behaviors.

Kids with autism usually have other comorbid conditions (sensory processing disorder, ADHD, etc). These comorbid conditions (not the autism/social skills deficit) sometimes are the cause of disruptive behaviors.

There's a child in my sons class that cannot sit for circle time. He cannot handle a noisy classroom and wears earphones. He sits at a separate table to do work. He cannot keep his hands to himself. The teacher spends more time wrangling him than other children. This is what I have observed and it appears as though this child needs more than the others in the class. I'm not labeling him autistic but he receives a disproportionate amount of attention.

Just because a child is on the spectrum does not mean he will be disruptive. I don't care what diagnoses are in my child's class as long the kids are good kids trying their best. Not 100% perfect (no one is) but making a good attempt. I much rather a total PIA child that calls out, rebels against teachers etc.. get counseled out than a child with autism.

That said, I don't think schools technically counsel out kids with disorders. I think the situation arises that the school realizes before the parents, that it doesn't have the resources to handle high special needs children. Of course parents want their child to be inclusive in regular classrooms. That is the goal for every child. No one wants to feel left out.

But there are kids that parents don't realize are not benefiting from a standard classroom. That it is stressful and frightening to them. There are schools likes the Ivy School in Potomac that are wonderful. Publics schools have free 1on 1 assistants to maintain that regular classroom environment. Many private schools don't have the resources or can cater to certain children. It isn't that they don't want them there. They just know what they can and can not handle.

I would hate to think that there are parents out there that immediately form an opinion of a quirky child or feel that they don't belong there. If you don't trust the school to make an informed decision without being cornered by tiger moms, then it probably isn't the school for you and your child.

So OP, if your child is handling the class fine but isn't perfectly "normal" is some people's eyes, that is not your problem. It is theirs and you just have to stay positive and be an advocate for your child. It is nice that you are worried and thinking about others feelings. We had a mom in my child's K class who sent a note in explaining her child's severe dairy allergy. It was nicely worded with an almost apologetic feeling. It made such a difference in the compassion the other parents felt and really going out of their way to be sure the child was safe instead of the "another allergy" eye roll. Maybe a nice note to send home about your child so there isn't all this hush hush talk about "what does he have?" kinda thing. Knowing, patience, empathy really goes a long way. Good luck!

Each of my son's have boy with Autism in their classroom. I actually think it adds value. I would describe them as the opposite of disruptive.

The only thing that would bother me is if the child was not being included in recess or other activities and the administration did not do something to facilitate that. I don't think young children can always navigate that without help. I am a little sensitive to this because my son was accused of "not including" one boy (not autistic, just not social) in an activity. So I asked my son to include him and he told my son he doesn't want to be included. So... not sure what else he could have done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you bothered by it?

My DS, who has autism, is in private typical school. He is doing very well academically, with no disruptive behavior (more on the quiet side). The school (teachers and staff) know about his diagnosis/needs, but I don't disclose his diagnosis to other parents. I know that some of my DS classmates who are typical kids, actually need helps with academics, behaviors, etc. However, there's a social stigma that comes with autism (compared to other diagnoses, e.g. ADHD or dyslexia).

Recently, there has been a couple of parents who asked the teachers/staff if there are some special needs kids in the classroom and they seem to be concerned. I know I should just ignore them. However, I'm curious to know your opinion: If you find out your kid's classmate has autism …
- Would you think "why am I paying big $$ to send my kid to a private school that has kid(s) with autism?"
- Would you tell your kid that (X) has autism?
- Does it change your view about the school, the autistic kid and his parents?

I am wondering if your DS is in my kids class.

Unlike the other posters, I will be honest, yes, it would bother me quite a bit. In regards to my own child's class, I have complained about the kid already. He ruins a lot of learning activities, is generally disruptive, and quite frankly needs to go.

We pay too much to put up with the disruption. Private school is not a fix for autism or any other special need. Small class size does not fix the problem and doesn't even help them. I am keeping my fingers crossed he will be counseled out. In years past, the school has been good about getting rid of disruptive students so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Glad you're being honest, but you have no basis for alleging that others are not being so. Hard to believe, I know, but sometimes other people have different views.

You are also equating "disruption" with autism. Many (most?) kids with autism are not disruptive. Many (most?) disruptive kids are not autistic.

As for "private school not being a fix" for autism, most parents with kids on the spectrum do not put their kids in private schools to "fix" them. They do it because they have concluded that is where their kids will get the best education. You know, like other parents do.

Perhaps you would be less bothered if you let go of some of your groundless assumptions about other people.

My DS is on the spectrum and has never been disruptive, has always been a good student, and teachers and other students appreciate having him in the class.

OP this kind of thing makes me really nervous because it opens things up to all kinds of judgments. Each child with an ASD is different. I don;t think many parents of NT kids understand this.

DD is at a school where 4 boys have been counseled (or shoved from the accounts I heard of one family) in the last few years. All were sweet gentle kids but at times disruptive. All were somewhere on the spectrum.

A fifth boy, the most disruptive and unable to access the curriculum, is still there. I'm simply exhausted after spending 10 minutes in the class helping with all the energy he sucks out of the room. But he has one advantage: one parent is on the board.

Anonymous wrote:Are you bothered by it?

My DS, who has autism, is in private typical school. He is doing very well academically, with no disruptive behavior (more on the quiet side). The school (teachers and staff) know about his diagnosis/needs, but I don't disclose his diagnosis to other parents. I know that some of my DS classmates who are typical kids, actually need helps with academics, behaviors, etc. However, there's a social stigma that comes with autism (compared to other diagnoses, e.g. ADHD or dyslexia).

Recently, there has been a couple of parents who asked the teachers/staff if there are some special needs kids in the classroom and they seem to be concerned. I know I should just ignore them. However, I'm curious to know your opinion: If you find out your kid's classmate has autism …
- Would you think "why am I paying big $$ to send my kid to a private school that has kid(s) with autism?"
- Would you tell your kid that (X) has autism?
- Does it change your view about the school, the autistic kid and his parents?

I am wondering if your DS is in my kids class.

Unlike the other posters, I will be honest, yes, it would bother me quite a bit. In regards to my own child's class, I have complained about the kid already. He ruins a lot of learning activities, is generally disruptive, and quite frankly needs to go.

We pay too much to put up with the disruption. Private school is not a fix for autism or any other special need. Small class size does not fix the problem and doesn't even help them. I am keeping my fingers crossed he will be counseled out. In years past, the school has been good about getting rid of disruptive students so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I would not be bothered at all.

Anonymous wrote:Autism is a silly spectrum of very high functioning with developmental delays and/or quirks to very low functioning so to me it depends on what the concerns are. We had a false autism diagnosis so to me it is often a catch-all for we don't know what's wrong with your kid. I would not care at all but then again my child has some delays.

You're an idiot if you think this! This is for you.

There is a child in our private that has behavioral challenges. I don't know what the dx is...it's none of my business. But after 4 years in school with this child, I have observed during numerous volunteer opportunities full blown 2.5-3 yr temper tantrums.

When the tantrum starts, the teacher needs to stop teaching and make a call to the office. Another adult is sent down to sit with the child in the hallway. if a volunteer is in the classroom, the volunteer supervises the class while the teacher takes the child into the hallway. Instruction resumes once a staff person arrives to sit with the child. I asked the teacher what she does if there is not a volunteer in the class and she told me that she tries to calm the child down in the classroom. In either case, instruction is disrupted.

As the child has matured, my child reports that the tantrums are becoming less frequent but they still occur. This does not thrill me but there's not much I can do about it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people who have kids with autism put their kids in private. Public schools have far more resources to help children with special needs. If that child takes a disproportionate amount of time from my child's teacher, yes I would not be happy.

This is such bs. My kid has special needs and he is in a private for smaller classes. Because of them, he does not need resources or supports as we get them privately after school. Put your kid in public if there are that many resources, which there are not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as your child is not disrupting mine, it wouldn't come up. If my DS broached the subject, I'd respond. It would go something like this:

DS: There's a kid in our class who doesn't talk or play with anyone.
Me: There are all different types of personalities, aren't there?
DS: Yeah, but he flaps his arms. It's a little creepy.
Me: Is that right? Is he nice?
DS: Yeah.
Me: Cool.

My kid with ASD talks and plays and has friends. He does not flap.

He maybe in your kid's class already.

Cool

Anonymous wrote:As long as your child is not disrupting mine, it wouldn't come up. If my DS broached the subject, I'd respond. It would go something like this:

DS: There's a kid in our class who doesn't talk or play with anyone.
Me: There are all different types of personalities, aren't there?
DS: Yeah, but he flaps his arms. It's a little creepy.
Me: Is that right? Is he nice?
DS: Yeah.
Me: Cool.

My kid with ASD talks and plays and has friends. He does not flap.

He maybe in your kid's class already.