Hey OP - I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. Even though before kids I felt like I had things under control, having my own made me basically feel incredibly sorry for myself, and angry again at how we were treated as children. You're doing the right thing - you just have to work through it.

This may not be appropriate in your case, but in my case, letting my parents in a little bit actually worked out better than keeping them totally cut off. Not a lot of contact - just a few phone calls and a sum total of 2 visits in my kid's first 3 years. Somehow when I had my own kid, I felt less triggered by them because I was focused on him, not them. I felt a lot of power, actually, because I knew I had my new family that I was in charge of, and they had to be decent to me if they ever wanted to see their grand kid. Subsequent events have revealed that nothing really changed with them, but it continues to work better for me to be low-drama about things.

But take this with a huge grain of salt. There was no substance abuse or sexual abuse in my case, so you may have more important reasons to maintain a complete cut off.

Of course you can confront them, but you have to realize that you can't control their response to the confrontation, and it might not be what you are hoping for. If the act of the confrontation is what you feel will help you, go for it.

Anonymous wrote:One of the best things I ever did was state that I was hurt by my father's behavior, that his treatment of me wasn't ok. Of course, he didn't apologize, didn't remember what I was talking about, etc.

Sayin it helped me move beyond that conversation/inner critic contained inside of me.

NP here. I like this answer. Short and sweet. Vocalize that they hurt you, that you know it, that they are responsible, no matter their take on matters.

Troublemakers like to try to rewrite history. Most people are privy to this. Troublemakers are not as smart as they think they are.