It’s okay to cry. It’s love. I HOPE If my loved ones are at my bedside and I’m about to go, they will be crying.

If you can, try to be alone with him. Don’t think about what anyone will think of what you say. Just speak from the heart.

When my mom was dying, she awoke and seemed to be somewhat lucid, but couldn’t talk. I just said, “Hi, Mommy. I’m here. I’m going to stay by your side. The doctors say you are dying. I’m here and I’ll hold you the whole time. You can tell me if you hurt and I will get a nurse to give you something. I love you so much. You cradled me when I came into the world and I will cradle you while you go.”

She hasn’t spoken in days but she smiled and said, “Take me upstairs.”

I got to tell her I loved her over and over. I sang to her and told her my dad and brother were waiting. She smiled a lot. It took a LONG time for her last breath. About an hour of breaths that I thought were her last. Then the last.

Just say anything loving. Cry if you need to. Be real.

Tell him you came to be with him (vs. that you came to say goodbye) My dad recently passed and we talked a lot about old memories. He also very much wanted to hear us repeat that we’re a strong, close family and would take care of each other. I think that was important reassurance for him.

A 3 year old is a very good time to talk about God and heaven, if that’s your belief. Understanding that bodies don’t last but love does and someone special is watching over you is comforting at any age.

Anonymous wrote:We decided to make my grandpa comfortable. I held his hand and started stroking his hair and he said “bye bye honey I’m gonna miss you so much”. Hardest moment of my life. I had been crying the whole time so I said “what do you mean I’ll talk to you everyday” and then “I couldn’t have asked for a better grandpa” his eyes filled with tears and we just sat making eye contact. I hated seeing him cry because I didn’t want to make him sad, but I think it was happy tears. Just a very surreal moment. No ones ever ready to leave but they know it’s time. As hard as it was I would do it all again in a heartbeat

*sniff*

Anonymous wrote:One of the most helpful pieces of advice I recieved when my dad was dying was "treat them in death as you would in life." I remember when my dad was hardly awake, I leaned over to give him a hug, and I was crying. He said "I love you, darlin'" (that's what he called me). I got up, looked him in the face, and said "I've got to go start killing baby animals to toughen myself up!" He smiled. I will never ever forget that moment, or that smile. Just do/say whatever comes naturally. Good luck.

This brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather is not expected to live more than another week or two. I'm going to visit him tomorrow. I guess this is a stupid question, but what do I say? Should I just act like everything is normal and chit-chat? We see each other regularly. The last few times I saw him he was very weak and did not speak much. When he did, it was very hard to understand him, so I just nodded and smiled a lot, which I'm sure is frustrating for him. I don't want to do that if this is The last time I'll see him. I also don't want him to think I'm uncomfortable or anything.

Also, how do I explain his death to my almost 3-year old, who knows him and will ask about his absence? We are religious (Catholic), but I don't think she has any concept of heaven.

Tell him you love him and thank him for all that he has done for you and tell him how you will miss him. He knows that he is dying, so don't be afraid to talk to him about death. Hold his hand. Your three old could go in with you and give him a kiss. She is too young to understand but don't tell her that he just went to sleep. Just show love.

Be prepared for it to gut you for a while when your child casually asks about him or implies you are going to visit. My oldest was about 3.5 when my grandma died. She didn’t really get the permanency of it so would just randomly toss out “Are we going to see great Grammy when we visit granny and pa?” Knife to the heart.

We decided to make my grandpa comfortable. I held his hand and started stroking his hair and he said “bye bye honey I’m gonna miss you so much”. Hardest moment of my life. I had been crying the whole time so I said “what do you mean I’ll talk to you everyday” and then “I couldn’t have asked for a better grandpa” his eyes filled with tears and we just sat making eye contact. I hated seeing him cry because I didn’t want to make him sad, but I think it was happy tears. Just a very surreal moment. No ones ever ready to leave but they know it’s time. As hard as it was I would do it all again in a heartbeat

Hold is hand. Tell him you love him.

Anonymous wrote:I had a close relative dying and when I went to see her, I just held her hand, told her that I loved her and thanked her for all the things she had done for me and how important she had been in my life. She was very weak but she understood and gave me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

Beautiful.

I had a close relative dying and when I went to see her, I just held her hand, told her that I loved her and thanked her for all the things she had done for me and how important she had been in my life. She was very weak but she understood and gave me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him what's new in your life and ask about his. Talk about all of the wonderful memories you have together and how much he means to you. And of course that you love him.

This. It's very likely he can hear you though he may not be able to verbally communicate. Close any loops, let him know what he means to you. You are very lucky to have this opportunity, as hard as it is. It's okay to cry. I'm sorry.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry. I recently lost my mom after a long degenerative illness. In my last conversation I told her I loved her and that I didn't want her to struggle anymore for my sake. I told her that I wanted her to rest.

My heart goes out to you.

This is very important. Tell him you love him very much and you'll miss him, but his spirit will be close to you always (if he's religious and it would not bother him to talk about afterlife), but that you know this body he's in now is worn out and you don't want him to be in pain and struggling in this phyisical form to be close to you in it. Tell him it's ok to go to a place where there's no suffering.

I do believe that our loved ones hold on to life for our sake, and that it's important to tell them it's ok not to suffer any longer.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. what if I start to cry? Should I try to hold it back?

No, don't. He knows you'd be crying anyway.

As for what to tell him, I'd mainly take his lead. He may want to tell you something that's important to him. He may want to reminisce about old times, experiences you two shared. He may want you to give some life advice. He may want to talk about what's happening to him. There's no guessing.

Whatever you do, tell him you love him, hug him. Pray together with him if you're believers.

The moments you share now will help carrying you through the grieving process.

Sorry you're going through that.

If you both believe in heaven tell him you're not saying goodbye, bit you're saying see you later.

Tell him you love him. Share some of your favorite memories. Maybe bring some old photos of you guys to show him and talk about. Bring pictures of your child.

You don't have to pretend like everything is normal. It isn't.