Anonymous wrote:why can't your husband take care of his children? would you send both kids to a cabin with just your husband? if so, then the presence of the ils is irrelevant. if you wouldn't trust your husband alone with both kids, ils there or not, then you have other problems.

Perhaps the dad is very capable of caring for his kids but succumbs to his parents' pressure when they're around. Otherwise capable and functional adults can still carry on disordered dynamics with their parents who raised them with these odd power issues. The ILs presence does factor in here.

No way. My ILs proposed something similar when my DD was 2.5 and MIL would also be watching my then 1.5 year old nephew at the same time. She kept trying to cajole me into going on whatever outing was happening so she could keep both kids. Add in the fact that my MIL is not a competent or confident (by her own admission) swimmer.

My SIL dumped her child all day no problem to go on outings with BIL 2 of the 5 days we were there. After watching MIL with my nephew all day, I was even more confident I made the right choice. She could barely keep up with just him.

I'd suck it up and go with if I were you.

Anonymous wrote:I'd never send my 2yo somewhere without me for a week. I don't see how they can say you're keeping the grand kids away from them if the older one goes. Doesn't that one count for something?

Exactly! I wouldn't either.

why can't your husband take care of his children? would you send both kids to a cabin with just your husband? if so, then the presence of the ils is irrelevant. if you wouldn't trust your husband alone with both kids, ils there or not, then you have other problems.

Anonymous wrote:I'd go, with the two year old, for the weekend. DH & 8 yo can spend the whole week.

Just too dangerous to let the 2 year old go to a lake with inattentive grandparents. Also, your two year old would miss you like crazy. The two nights I spent in the hospital when #2 was born were really hard on my 2 yo, even though she was with a grandmother she knew & loved. The situation you're outlining is even less ideal. I can't imagine your 2 yo would be happy.

The two year old will be missing a parent either way.

Go up for the weekend, ask your DH to schedule the fishing trip during the days when you are there so that you can you watch the 2 year old. Then let your DH be in charge the rest of the time. He's just as much a parent as you are.

Anonymous wrote:I'd go, with the two year old, for the weekend. DH & 8 yo can spend the whole week.

Just too dangerous to let the 2 year old go to a lake with inattentive grandparents. Also, your two year old would miss you like crazy. The two nights I spent in the hospital when #2 was born were really hard on my 2 yo, even though she was with a grandmother she knew & loved. The situation you're outlining is even less ideal. I can't imagine your 2 yo would be happy.

I'd do this. All other reasons aside, I think a week would be too long for your 2yr old to be in a strange place without you. Surely, your husband knows this.

Could I send my 2 yo instead?

Anonymous wrote:Non swimming 2 yo near a lake of some sort (I'm assuming) with an inattentive adult = no.

This. Trust your gut or go with them.

I'd go, with the two year old, for the weekend. DH & 8 yo can spend the whole week.

Just too dangerous to let the 2 year old go to a lake with inattentive grandparents. Also, your two year old would miss you like crazy. The two nights I spent in the hospital when #2 was born were really hard on my 2 yo, even though she was with a grandmother she knew & loved. The situation you're outlining is even less ideal. I can't imagine your 2 yo would be happy.

This is an incredibly screwed up situation. Your dh blames you for the problems with his screwed up parents? He is going to be gone for a week without you? How do you feel about that? If they are jerks toward you, he shouldn't placate them with a week long vacation and your kids shouldn't be around people who don't respect you.

All this junk about kids NEEDING their grandparents is hogwash. They need good parents who care and support one another.

I'm going to be contrary. I say let the kid go. The FATHER is going to be there. He's going to know if she's not up to the task and they will have to figure it out.

These people did raise a baby to an adult, they are not completely clueless about parenting.

Anonymous wrote:Go for a few days w the two year old. Leave early.

This is what I'd do.

Anonymous wrote:Non swimming 2 yo near a lake of some sort (I'm assuming) with an inattentive adult = no.

OP, show your DH this thread if you think it would help, but this is not the kind of thing to give in to in the name of appeasing his parents.
The inlaws have no idea what kind of vigilance it takes to keep a 2 year old safe, let alone without his mom for a whole week, and your child will not be involved in this experiment to see how it goes

If you can make it for a couple days with the 2 year old that would be lovely of you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go for a few days w the two year old. Leave early.

This sounds like a good compromise. I'm with pp about the water issue. I'm paranoid about little kids around pools/lakes/ponds. So easy for something disastrous to happen if they're not being watched closely.

Agree. You have to be with the 2 yo around water, period.

You go. You may not like them, but it's important for your grandkids to have a relationship with their grandparents. Sorry.