Does anyone else feel sorry for this other girl? Good grief. In any case, OP, I'm sorry your daughter has new competition. But she needs to realize that she's not the only one who wants to be valedictorian, and not the only one working hard for it. (Because it sure sounds like the other girl is also putting a lot into it, even with the tutor.) As others have pointed out, shit happens, and this won't be the first time she runs into something that feels unfair.

I think the way you can help her most, OP, is by putting things in perspective for her. Teach her that being valedictorian really isn't important in the scheme of things. Help her see her own value in many other ways. Find some other goals she can find satisfaction in. And encourage her to keep doing her best even if there is more competition for valedictorian. (Heck, maybe that other student will move away again!)

Now you know how lower/middle income class people feel compared to upper income people.

Anonymous wrote:Life is not fair, OP.


However having a private tutor proof read her papers might be considered cheating.

It depends on how deep the help is. Most teachers tell the students to have someone look over their paper. It helps all around.

It is called life. Life is not fair.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who doubts the veracity of OP's post should check out the College Confidential website. I am a Tiger Mom and a Stage-Door-Mother and even I cannot believe some of the things highly competitive parents and students write!

+1 OMG. Reading the CC website made me back-off my teenager considerably! Insanity.

That's life, op. Your dd had some advantages in life, this girl just has a few more. You'd be better off teaching your dd to gracefully handle competition than focusing on the advantages this girl has. Life isn't fair.

Think of it this way, OP, just by virtue of where you live your daughter will be competing for spots in the top colleges along with poorer kids whose high schools cannot afford any AP classes and kids of immigrant parents who don't even know what the SAT is. Life is not fair.

Anyone who doubts the veracity of OP's post should check out the College Confidential website. I am a Tiger Mom and a Stage-Door-Mother and even I cannot believe some of the things highly competitive parents and students write!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to know a lot of detailed information about some stranger in your daughter's class. Very creepy.

OP here. And this new girl is a friend of my daughter's and is in her very close circle of friends.

The top students usually travel in the same social circle. This is not surprising at all.

Anonymous wrote:Life is not fair, OP.


However having a private tutor proof read her papers might be considered cheating.

This I would agree with. However, it is best not to worry about things that you can not impact. It just increases anxiety.

Life is not fair, OP.


However having a private tutor proof read her papers might be considered cheating.

Anonymous wrote:"Rich kids always have had and always will have the advantage".

This is a fact of life. Have your DD get used to this and accept it now. It will make her life easier.

+1 Even beyond strictly educational advantage... There was a woman in my law school class who was rich and never had to spend a second of her time cleaning, grocery shopping, doing laundry because her parents got her a full time housekeeper. She also had a very short commute due to the fact that she lived in the closest and most expensive apartments nearest campus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, you have to stop falling for these trolls.

OP here and I wish I were a troll!

OK. If you're not trolling, you're posting WAY too many details in a public forum.

We're in California and I changed many parallel details. Doubtful anyone from DD's school knows this forum even exists.

Fair enough, but if this is a real situation you are tremendously overinvested in it. Especially if you are really in California and therefore posted this at 4:30 AM.

No, I'm just an early riser who starts work at 7AM PST. I wasn't up all night worrying about this.

"Rich kids always have had and always will have the advantage".

This is a fact of life. Have your DD get used to this and accept it now. It will make her life easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, you have to stop falling for these trolls.

OP here and I wish I were a troll!

OK. If you're not trolling, you're posting WAY too many details in a public forum.

We're in California and I changed many parallel details. Doubtful anyone from DD's school knows this forum even exists.

Fair enough, but if this is a real situation you are tremendously overinvested in it. Especially if you are really in California and therefore posted this at 4:30 AM.