My SIL husbands smokes. They had a micro premie and he still could not quit.

He looks like shit. Such an awful addiction. I don't know if you can demand for someone to not smoke. I would think the cost alone would get people to stop.

Such a nasty/trashy habit. I would not want it around my kids either. Not sure what you should do . . .

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you experience a family member or friend that reeks of weed and is high wanting to hold your child.

I'm sorry you've experienced that but no reason to think OP will too.

Wait until you experience a family member or friend that reeks of weed and is high wanting to hold your child.

Ask your SIL to have a "smoking shirt" that she puts on just as she's about to go outside for a smoke that she takes off before coming back inside and have her wash her hands when she comes back in. Have your husband tell her that these are the necessary precautions and then don't discuss it any further. Simply hand her the smoking shirt whenever she's stepping outside to smoke and then if she goes to play with your DD before washing her hands, just say "oh, we have to wait for Auntie SIL to wash her hands." You'll only have to babysit the process once or twice before SIL does it on her own.

Anonymous wrote:We have family members who smoke and I hate it. But having a good relationship with them is much more important to me than taking a stand on this. I also don't think there is any real harm to my kids since they do it outside around us -- it's just my personal preference. Not worth getting upset over. Let it go.

This

My parents, inveterate smokers, are prohibited from smoking inside. When the kids were babies, they washed their hands and face, gargled and changed sweaters before holding their grandchildren, changing their diapers, etc.
Now that hugs are a little less common, I have relaxed about the changing sweaters thing, however they are still not allowed to smoke inside. They completely understand this.

Just create a rule you think you can live with, and then put your foot down to enforce it, OP. Smoke is NEVER good for children, it's been proven many times over. If SIL is being hypersensitive, tough for her. The fact she hasn't told her parents could be perhaps used as leverage.

The simple fix is to ask her to wash her hands and wear her coat when she smokes outside and then remove it as soon as she gets in. This will help with a lot of the scent, and it's not really an outrageous request.

1-2 times per week is a lot, but it's not going to endanger your child. How often is she there? Is it only for a short while? You could say that you're worried about the example it's setting for your child and that you'd prefer if she didn't smoke until after she left your house. If she's only there for a few hours, this should be manageable.

Outside of this, you can't limit her visits or treat her like the plague. She's an important part of your DH's life and should be a part of your child's life.

OP I feel you, I can't stand a smoker in my house. Luckily none of our close family members or friends smoke. How to tell your sister not to smoke in your property is another different story.