Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine my mother pressuring me to spend $2500 (pp's total was about right) with 2 small children to support and a budget.
That's a lot of money to a lot of us, to say nothing of using the time off from work and then being out of days at the end of the year when the cold/flu season comes around again

I can't imagine my kids and husband not being at my sibling's wedding.

Right, and I can't imagine having $2500 to throw around. And it sounds like OP is in a similar situation or she wouldn't be posting

Anonymous wrote:

If you're close to your family, it seems like you could make lemonade out of the situation and turn it into a nice family vacation. Just seems better to go with the flow on this than create a family rift.

I'm trying to think of it that way, but honestly, I would not spend that much money on a family vacation right now. We already spent money on flights this year taking the girls to see DH's husband out west before he passed away. It isn't that it would be absolutely impossible to afford the destination wedding, but it would be tight.

I'm assuming there's a typo here somewhere.

Sorry for your family's loss, OP. I'm one of the PPs that thinks you should go, if it's manageable.

Anonymous wrote:RSVP for 1. Have a great time.

This.

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine my mother pressuring me to spend $2500 (pp's total was about right) with 2 small children to support and a budget.
That's a lot of money to a lot of us, to say nothing of using the time off from work and then being out of days at the end of the year when the cold/flu season comes around again

I can't imagine my kids and husband not being at my sibling's wedding.

I can't imagine my mother pressuring me to spend $2500 (pp's total was about right) with 2 small children to support and a budget.
That's a lot of money to a lot of us, to say nothing of using the time off from work and then being out of days at the end of the year when the cold/flu season comes around again

If you're close to your family, it seems like you could make lemonade out of the situation and turn it into a nice family vacation. Just seems better to go with the flow on this than create a family rift.

I'm trying to think of it that way, but honestly, I would not spend that much money on a family vacation right now. We already spent money on flights this year taking the girls to see DH's husband out west before he passed away. It isn't that it would be absolutely impossible to afford the destination wedding, but it would be tight.

If you're close to your family, it seems like you could make lemonade out of the situation and turn it into a nice family vacation. Just seems better to go with the flow on this than create a family rift.

Honestly, as time passes there aren't that many happy occasions to bring family together.

But my answer may change if you said where it was.

20:17, just want to add that I think it's important whenever possible to include kids in social and family events. They learn a lot about family, traditions, history, etiquette, and they get the opportunity to socialize and converse with people they otherwise wouldn't meet. However, if this one opportunity isn't working out, that's fine.

In my family we'd all go without question, but if that's not what you want, just attend on your own.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has a destination wedding better be prepared to be gracious about any regrets sent.

Now if money isn't the issue, then the twins may have a better time than you expect they will so I wouldn't reject the idea solely because you think they can't deal with the travel. But if it's a financial strain, don't think twice about going alone.

+1. If they were really that concerned about your kids coming she would pay for the flight or offer a driving location. We considered a destination wedding but I knew my family did not have that kind of money. Grandparents on my side would likely not have come unless I paid for their airfare and they had a family member traveling with them. Either we factored that into the cost of a destination wedding or we were fine having a wedding without them there.

PS stay strong. My kids were flower girls in an out of town wedding. I easily spent several hundred of dollars and jumped thru lots of hoops and stress. During the super long rehearsal dinner and the pictures and wedding I had to make sure that all the kids in the wedding (not just not my own) were not going crazy even when they were bored. I barely got to enjoy myself. But, for a one time event for family, I did it because the kids were so excited to be involved. The thing that got me was that I didn't get so much as a thank you and hug from the bride after all this, no acknowledgment at all. Not even one of the professional wedding photo with the kids...not even a copy of a photo. If I had felt guilted into doing it and hadn't been doing it for the kids I would have been done.

So don't do it unless you think you can make a vacation of it with your DH and twins and can afford to so or can say with 100% certainty that you want to spend the money to have your children there even is they end up cranky and off schedule and your sister is a complete bridezilla.

Are the twins in the wedding?

No, but there isn't going to be a wedding party (bridesmaids etc.) so I guess it isn't as though they were being excluded from being in the wedding either.

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely stinks, but I'd RSVP for 4. I loathe destination weddings and I feel for you, but weddings seem to have special power to cause lasting rifts. $1000 is cheap to avoid that. In the long run, you'll be glad you did it.

Agree.
You will never hear the end of it OP if you don't bring the twins. Not sure how to weigh it: family vs. "inconvenience" of lugging twins on a 7 hour trip. Start saving and suck it up.

Can you make a vacay out of it? So, it's not all for nothing.

Are the twins in the wedding?

Agreed, RSVP for 1. If having your children at the wedding was such a priority, your sister should have consulted you before planning a destination wedding. Reality of a destination wedding is that many people won't be able to afford to come, or to be able to get away that long.

go and have a good time. do not take 5 year olds to a destination wedding. your sister and mother can get over themselves.

Your sister is being very immature. Hold your ground if you feel it's too far for the kids. If your mom or sister brings it up again, just say it's already been decided and you're not going to discuss it further or be guilted into changing your mind.