Way to twist my words 10:56. I wasn't saying not to advocate for yourself. I was saying the team will *also* advocate. I have years of experience with this; please do tell - what is yours?

Anonymous wrote:

I'm glad this was your experience, but it's hard to say that everyone's experience will be the same.

Did you have a different one? That is the STANDARD approach at all hospitals with a transplant program. There is always an advocate assigned to the donor.

10:56 here. I think it's always best for a patient to advocate for themselves. Even if there is an appointed advocate, that person may not be able to anticipate every concern for each individual.

OP, just FYI, I think you can also go in and speak to the doctor privately about your reasons not to donate. They can then just say you weren't a match. Don't let fear nor guilt make this decision for you. You have a young child. I do too and I wouldn't risk my life if it truly is dangerous.

I would not donate a kidney to a 64 yo person. You still have a lot of years left to live and you may have kidney issues in the future given your family history of diabetes.

I have diabetes in my family too, both sides. My mom wasn't diagnosed until she was 50. You might want to be checked out for pre-diabetes just as one issue to consider if you donate or not.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for responding, guys.

I'm forty. I have one child. I am getting remarried this year. My uncle is a wonderful 64 year old man who I love. Mom shouted no because she was worried about ME.

We have a family history of diabetes (my uncle has it), and I also have a history on my dad's side.

My uncle is going for the final round of whatever to determine if he's approved for a transplant next month.

I don't think you should give a kidney because of the diabetes history, you have a child, and your mom said "no". She might have known more then you think, parents don't tell their kids everything. Sorry about your uncle.

Anonymous wrote:Read the facts:

All About Donation (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/aboutdonation

Thinking about Donating to a Specific Person (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/DonatingSpecificPerson

Q&A on Living Donation (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/infoqa

Information for Potential Donors (from the National Living Donor Assistance Center): http://www.livingdonorassistance.org/potentialdonors/donoreducation.aspx

OP here. Thanks for this. I've got time to sit with this and think it through, which is what I'm going to do. I will not make a decision out of fear.

Read the facts:

All About Donation (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/aboutdonation

Thinking about Donating to a Specific Person (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/DonatingSpecificPerson

Q&A on Living Donation (from the National Kidney Foundation): https://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/infoqa

Information for Potential Donors (from the National Living Donor Assistance Center): http://www.livingdonorassistance.org/potentialdonors/donoreducation.aspx

I'm biased because I'm a special needs parents but a kidney is life-changing for people on dialysis. Please don't discount this decision or take it lightly or let fear overwhelm you. The outcome if he doesn't get a kidney is death. The outcome if he does get a kidney is most likely health and wellness for both of you. I'm not trying to guilt you but it's hard for me to see making this decision out of fear.

I had a coworker who had a lot of health problems after he donated a kidney to a parent. He couldn't take certain medications, couldn't drink, etc. I'm not sure how common his experience was, but I would definitely do a lot of research before making up my mind.

Good luck; it sounds like it's been a difficult stretch for you and not a great time to make tough decisions.

I'm glad this was your experience, but it's hard to say that everyone's experience will be the same.

Did you have a different one? That is the STANDARD approach at all hospitals with a transplant program. There is always an advocate assigned to the donor.

You are going to have to get counseling if you decide to proceed, so I wouldn't get too caught up in making the decision today.

Also, you will have to go through a matching process. There's no guarantee you will match.

I think you should talk with someone who specializes in transplants to get your questions answered vs. deciding off what a group of random strangers advise.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I am not sure why everyone is giving you excuses for an out. Take 20 steps back, breathe, and think about if you want to "get out of it" or proceed, get some education and then decide. You have plenty of time to sit down and process this.

My family is deeply impacted by this so I am emotional about it but can tell you that the hospital team that gets assigned to you advocates for YOU, the donor, not the recipient. They will be able to answer your questions correctly and will also give you an out and explain that to the recipient if you need them to. But if you go the other way and decide to possibly donate, they will educate you on your rights (insurance), your health (you will get a head to toe exam that is better than anything!) and answer all of your questions.

It is a very very long process, and again, you have plenty of time.

I'm glad this was your experience, but it's hard to say that everyone's experience will be the same.

OP,

I am not sure why everyone is giving you excuses for an out. Take 20 steps back, breathe, and think about if you want to "get out of it" or proceed, get some education and then decide. You have plenty of time to sit down and process this.

My family is deeply impacted by this so I am emotional about it but can tell you that the hospital team that gets assigned to you advocates for YOU, the donor, not the recipient. They will be able to answer your questions correctly and will also give you an out and explain that to the recipient if you need them to. But if you go the other way and decide to possibly donate, they will educate you on your rights (insurance), your health (you will get a head to toe exam that is better than anything!) and answer all of your questions.

It is a very very long process, and again, you have plenty of time.

Anonymous wrote:my uncle got two kidney transplants at Hopkins. his brother, my dad and their mother all have or had kidney issues.
don't rule out that you may someday develop kidney issues yourself via genetics.
I would say you have to pass and cite medical issues yourself that take you off the donor list.

your mom would back you up so this is pretty easy.

NP here. If you decide not to donate, that is a valid decision for yourself and to protect your child and future husband.

I agree you could say that you have your own medical issues that you discussed with your doctor.

It is sad that your uncle is going through this, but your health is important, too.