My cousin is a lifelong drug addict and my uncle (not his dad) is a lifelong alcoholic. Both have lied to, stolen from and embarrassed me too many times. I haven't spoken to either since my wedding 15 years ago.

Most of my dad's side of the family. They're pretty crazy and I don't care to get involved in their drama.

I have not spoken to my mother in 5 years or so. She was toxic and abusive to me as a child. I see no reason to have any contact with her.

My in-laws. They didn't bother to come by, call or send a card when my mom died

Like many people on this thread, my mother. I left home at 17 and never looked back (20 years now).

As my brothers are significantly younger than I am, it meant years of uncertainty while I waited for them to grow up to see if we would have relationships as adults, without her intervention. I'm fortunate that they understood why I left home (and thus them to fend for themselves), so I have somehow been fortunate to end up with the best of both worlds... I got out of the abusive, toxic void that is my mother's life, and was able to salvage two relationships I always hoped I could have.

Anonymous wrote:Quote:"Many administrators are paid for the work of settling the estate. You could have worked during that period and made your salary while she took care of the estate. Not doing so seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face."

No kidding. Really? What part did you not get that I'm the care giver/ primary support for a dying daughter and husband? And my millionaire sister is all about wanting to make sure she is paid? ? Even though I did just as much work as my sister but had to go out of town to do this with no vacation which was used up already with my daughter? FMLA is a joke and I used paid time up months ago.

What makes you think a sister like that has anything of value to keep a relationship for someone in my situation? I gave her the money and never will talk with her again.

It sounds like your sister is wrapped up in her own life and probably didn't realize the effect it was having on you. Have you tried talking to her about how it made you feel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped speaking to my brother about a year ago. It is very hard in a lot of ways, as we were very close, but I realize I can't be involved anymore. This came after a lifetime of drug abuse and terrible situations, one very scary incident in which he almost killed my whole family by ODing while driving us, and a full day of him holding my family hostage in a remote area of a very foreign country while berating me so harshly that I could no longer bear it. He does not live nearby. I should probably call, but I can't. Maybe someday.

Do you miss him? Is he doing well? Do you think about him? I miss my brother and I mourn who he used to be. I disagree with his life choices and I no longer like him as a person very much, but i love him deeply. I miss how close we used to be and I wish daily that one day he finds himself again. I pray nightly that he's safe and well. Even had my kids pray for him too. This saddens me. Wondering how you deal.

I miss him very much. I miss him as he is now, but I really miss who he used to be. We are still in touch on Facebook, and I think he is doing about the same. He has a wonderful wife who takes very good care of him (not American, which is relevant to their relationship), and he seems to be making overall good life choices that seem to be allowing him to live the best life he can right now. It makes me very tempted to reconnect and even visit again. But then I look at some of the pictures, and it is clear the drugs are still in his eyes. I hear the stories he is telling my mom, and it is clear the lies are still pouring. Then I talk to my amazing husband, and he tells me that he is for once putting down his foot and we cannot see him again. And, I cry. But I don't think I can do it to myself anymore. At least not right now.

What life choices do you disagree with? For me, it really isn't about his choices as much as the addiction. I was able to forgive each individual act, but I just can't be a part of the addiction and all that is wrapped up with it anymore.

Quote:"Many administrators are paid for the work of settling the estate. You could have worked during that period and made your salary while she took care of the estate. Not doing so seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face."

No kidding. Really? What part did you not get that I'm the care giver/ primary support for a dying daughter and husband? And my millionaire sister is all about wanting to make sure she is paid? ? Even though I did just as much work as my sister but had to go out of town to do this with no vacation which was used up already with my daughter? FMLA is a joke and I used paid time up months ago.

What makes you think a sister like that has anything of value to keep a relationship for someone in my situation? I gave her the money and never will talk with her again.

Anonymous wrote:My sister. She emailed me how much she wanted to be paid to settle moms estate. Even though she was retired, wanted control over everything, and I had to take weeks off work to do it with her. Also she's already a millionaire, and I have a terminally ill child and husband that I work two jobs to take care of.

I don't know, I never even thought of charging her. It just let me know where I stand.

Decided I didn't need people like that.

Many administrators are paid for the work of settling the estate. You could have worked during that period and made your salary while she took care of the estate. Not doing so seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

My sister. She emailed me how much she wanted to be paid to settle moms estate. Even though she was retired, wanted control over everything, and I had to take weeks off work to do it with her. Also she's already a millionaire, and I have a terminally ill child and husband that I work two jobs to take care of.

I don't know, I never even thought of charging her. It just let me know where I stand.

Decided I didn't need people like that.

Some cousins on my dad's side. They treat my adopted child differently so I cut them off

Everyone. They need to abuse, and I'm the target of preference when I'm in contact with them.

Dysfunction in my family goes back generations. I understand nurture made them what they are, and forgive them and feel sad for them. And love them very much. From a safe distance.

Mom has been dead many years. I talk to my dad maybe once every two months, and exchange emails with him a little more frequently than that. He's shallow and emotionally disengaged. I really have tried to form more of a relatiomship with him but it's been difficult. I'm 53 years old and the reason I maintain the level of communication I have with him is that he's in his 80's and I feel sorry for him despite his limitations. I expect little from him however. I learned a long time ago what I could expect. He's a good person but not the best dad on the block. A bit neglectful but not mean or abusive. It is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped speaking to my brother about a year ago. It is very hard in a lot of ways, as we were very close, but I realize I can't be involved anymore. This came after a lifetime of drug abuse and terrible situations, one very scary incident in which he almost killed my whole family by ODing while driving us, and a full day of him holding my family hostage in a remote area of a very foreign country while berating me so harshly that I could no longer bear it. He does not live nearby. I should probably call, but I can't. Maybe someday.

Do you miss him? Is he doing well? Do you think about him? I miss my brother and I mourn who he used to be. I disagree with his life choices and I no longer like him as a person very much, but i love him deeply. I miss how close we used to be and I wish daily that one day he finds himself again. I pray nightly that he's safe and well. Even had my kids pray for him too. This saddens me. Wondering how you deal.

Is your brother also a drug-addicted violent psycho?

Which is not, by the way, merely a "life choice" that one "disagrees with", like he prefers Pepsi and you like Coke.

Anonymous wrote:I stopped speaking to my brother about a year ago. It is very hard in a lot of ways, as we were very close, but I realize I can't be involved anymore. This came after a lifetime of drug abuse and terrible situations, one very scary incident in which he almost killed my whole family by ODing while driving us, and a full day of him holding my family hostage in a remote area of a very foreign country while berating me so harshly that I could no longer bear it. He does not live nearby. I should probably call, but I can't. Maybe someday.

Do you miss him? Is he doing well? Do you think about him? I miss my brother and I mourn who he used to be. I disagree with his life choices and I no longer like him as a person very much, but i love him deeply. I miss how close we used to be and I wish daily that one day he finds himself again. I pray nightly that he's safe and well. Even had my kids pray for him too. This saddens me. Wondering how you deal.