Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, lesbian with children by a sperm donor here. They are crazy and out of line. All parties have to be 100% on board in order for a known-donor situation to work.

Give them links to sperm banks. Attempting to pressure you into this is unethical and frankly, insane.

If you want to solve things The Lesbian Way, do a group session with a counselor with experience in reproductive stuff. I'm not kidding, my people love that shit. The counselor will explain that they are on a road to nowhere.

Thank you so much for this wonderful bright spot in my morning. I got a genuine belly laugh from this one.

+1!

Anonymous wrote:Okay, lesbian with children by a sperm donor here. They are crazy and out of line. All parties have to be 100% on board in order for a known-donor situation to work.

Give them links to sperm banks. Attempting to pressure you into this is unethical and frankly, insane.

If you want to solve things The Lesbian Way, do a group session with a counselor with experience in reproductive stuff. I'm not kidding, my people love that shit. The counselor will explain that they are on a road to nowhere.

Yes to all they this. I know couples who have used a family member as a known donor, but all parties have to be on board. They really should be talking to a therapist or social worker who has experience with families who have donor-concieved children. And as PP says, any legitimate therapist is going to tell them they need to let it go and not pressure you.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, lesbian with children by a sperm donor here. They are crazy and out of line. All parties have to be 100% on board in order for a known-donor situation to work.

Give them links to sperm banks. Attempting to pressure you into this is unethical and frankly, insane.

If you want to solve things The Lesbian Way, do a group session with a counselor with experience in reproductive stuff. I'm not kidding, my people love that shit. The counselor will explain that they are on a road to nowhere.

Thank you so much for this wonderful bright spot in my morning. I got a genuine belly laugh from this one.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a nightmare if they were to divorce. That arrangement would be confusing to your kids (they'd find out somehow).

They'd find out when their cousin starting calling their own father "Daddy." OP's sister and SIL want the baby to know its biological father, there's no way that stays a secret from OP's kids.

Sounds like a nightmare if they were to divorce. That arrangement would be confusing to your kids (they'd find out somehow).

They are being absolutely inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, lesbian with children by a sperm donor here. They are crazy and out of line. All parties have to be 100% on board in order for a known-donor situation to work.

Give them links to sperm banks. Attempting to pressure you into this is unethical and frankly, insane.

If you want to solve things The Lesbian Way, do a group session with a counselor with experience in reproductive stuff. I'm not kidding, my people love that shit. The counselor will explain that they are on a road to nowhere.

You are too funny. But spot on.
My own sister and her wife are starting to think about kids now, luckily they would 100% not want my DH as baby daddy donor, they would find that so creepy. Not for everyone, just not for our family.

To throw out another POV, I had my ovaries removed and when DH and I wanted to start a family, I thought seriously about asking my sister to donate an egg and to have it inseminated with DH's sperm and I would have carried it. Ultimately I did not ask her but I would have been hurt if she did not take some time and think seriously about my request (maybe it was your phrasing, but it sounded like you and dh had a knee jerk "no" rather than giving the request any real thought). Ultimately if after thought he doesn't want to, of course no judgment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This immaturity suggest perhaps they're not ready to have kids yet. Geez.

I would seriously question her ability to handle the pregnancy or the child rearing. What happens if they don't have a perfect kid. How will she cope?

I would say no and I would suggest some therapy for them to work through this issue. This problem is bigger than your husband's sperm.

Agree with all of the above.

Anonymous wrote:This immaturity suggest perhaps they're not ready to have kids yet. Geez.

I would seriously question her ability to handle the pregnancy or the child rearing. What happens if they don't have a perfect kid. How will she cope?

I would say no and I would suggest some therapy for them to work through this issue. This problem is bigger than your husband's sperm.

You treat them as you would anyone who is making an unreasonable request that you have said no to multiple times.

"Larla, it's time for you to stop asking. The answer is not going to change and the subject is closed. As much as I love you, the fact that you are continuing this is starting to affect our relationship."

This immaturity suggest perhaps they're not ready to have kids yet. Geez.

do they know about the known donor registry (KDR)? They can pick donors and get to know them. There are many many pros to using more anonymous donors and many cons (but also some pros) to using known donors. They need to have a contract for sure if they use someone they know so they can get sued for custody later and to protect the donor against being sued for child support.

Also, there's a sperm bank out of Spokane, WA that has an online forum where they can ask questions and what not with other families (a huge percentage of which are lesbian) and get support and help there too. I think the website is iamtryingtoconceive.com. It's NW Andrology sperm bank which BTW is one of the cheaper sperm banks out there and will ship to your home w/o a doctors note. That's rare.

I hope this doesn't tear your family apart and they get the baby they want.

I thought fertility clinics discouraged using relatives as sperm donors. At any rate, if you go through a clinic (versus the turkey baster route) they will interview all parties and a reputable clinic would not go through with it if the sperm donor is being coerced. Perhaps you could all set up a joint meeting at a fertility clinic and get more info.

No. Absolutely NO. Anonymous sperm donor is the way to go here.