Anonymous wrote:"I told him our relationship was over."
"I wasn't breaking up."

WTF? If you told him your relationship was over when it wasn't, then "bitch" might not be too far off the mark.

You know how many times I've told my wife our relationship was over when it wasn't? Zero.

It's emotional blackmail to threaten to leave for reasons other than wanting to leave.

"I told him our relationship was over."
"I wasn't breaking up."

WTF? If you told him your relationship was over when it wasn't, then "bitch" might not be too far off the mark.

You know how many times I've told my wife our relationship was over when it wasn't? Zero.

I personally wouldn't necessarily end it over him calling me a bitch. I'm not always the nicest person in the heat of the moment and when we were younger DH and I threw around a name or two (we both grew up in dysfunctional families and it took some time to learn to communicate). However, the rest of it is not something to overlook. Hounding you about marriage and kids after 4 months, when you obviously don't feel the same way? Your initial instincts were right. Something is off about this guy and you are better off without him.

You decided to break it off for legit reasons. Why are those no longer a concern after he called you a bitch? That's kind of inconsequential. You need to break up, so do it and move on. Sitting around vacillating about it isn't going to do you any good.

Anonymous wrote:
Congratulations on never having to second-guess ending this relationship!

You've just saved yourself a world of pain. Don't look back.

This is not a "little problem", OP. Your update sends so many red flags. You are with a narcissist,
Google it and you will see that you need to cease all contact and breathe a sigh of relief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not over 20, are you?

Yes. I am 24. Unfortunately I had a very terrible childhood dealing with an absentee father ( jail/alcoholic) and a narcissistic, bi-polar mother. I haven't always chosen the best guys.

I don't lovee dram. I just don't want to run away from every little problem like I have before. I didn't even say if I will write him back.

I understand where you're coming from, OP. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, too. You're right to run away from this problem. -Not every problem, but this problem is one where the appropriate, mature thing to do is to shut the door. And then (if you haven't already) get thee to therapy. The fact that you're struggling over what to do, and worry that ending the relationship equals running away from a problem means you need therapy. Again, I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about here. Good luck. You deserve a good guy. This man isn't good for you.

Anonymous wrote:You're not over 20, are you?

Yes. I am 24. Unfortunately I had a very terrible childhood dealing with an absentee father ( jail/alcoholic) and a narcissistic, bi-polar mother. I haven't always chosen the best guys.

I don't lovee dram. I just don't want to run away from every little problem like I have before. I didn't even say if I will write him back.

You're not over 20, are you?

Op, sounds like you love the drama. You dumped him. End of story. Move along. Unless you just crave attention and drama...then by all means keep posting here

OP here now. I get where everyone is coming from. Up until now he has never called me a bad name. I haven't replied back and I'm still on the fence if I will. It's upsetting because I am a relationship girl. I get attached and when I give my best, I give my all. I really do like him and he seems so perfect. He is everything I want in a guy ( besides the name calling) and he said " you are so perfect for me, or you are my perfect match".

I wasn't breaking up with as much as I was asking for a break and our relationship to slow down. He wanted to be exclusive very quickly and has already been asking about wedding rings and talking about us getting married and how he had a dream about our child would look. I want marriage and children but not for several years ( which he claims too). I told him I felt we needed to slow down and possibly take a breakup because we are moving too fast. That is when he got upset and started saying I was playing him. He knows me better than myself and I won't wait that long for marriage or kids ( ideally, 4-5 more years). I then told him that I was ending the relationship because he clearly wants those things before I do and I don't want to stand in the way of that. After pleading with me to not break up, I told him I had to think about things and left. He called immediately ( didn't answer) and then resorted to texting me a bunch of cute texts I had sent and pictures of us. He texted how hurt he was and he doesn't understand why I would waste his time and throw away a good thing. After sending a dozen texts and calling twice, he texts " You clearly were using me and wasted my time. We could've had a great life together but I am glad I learned now how much of a bitch you are. I dodged a bullet." Then he wrote me all today apologizing for calling me a bitch and blamed it on him being " hurt and angry".

It's in times of stress that people show their true colors. And life together *will* have stress. Is this what you want to deal with when life is handing you lemons? His name-calling tantrum *on top* of the trouble you already have? He will never be "your rock".

And should things go south and end up in divorce -- you now have the preview of what his reaction is like.

You've only dated 4 months. At this point, he should still be on his absolutely best behavior -- and he should try to get you back by fixing what went wrong, not by a denigrating statement like the one he sent you. You go back, and you both have established that it's ok to throw a fit when he dislikes something, and that the B word *is* to be used in anger. Things can only go south from here. Apologizing -- that's too easy.

These are the reasons pretty much everyone on this thread tells you to run.

I really don;t know of any happy marriages where the B word is thrown around in anger.

If in doubt, give yourself time to think about it, but DO NOT contact him for another month at least.

You have to calm down and think rationally. This means recognizing that missing him and not wanting to spend your life with him are two perfectly compatible things.

You couldn't pay me to forgive him for that. Run, don't walk. Find someone who will never call you names no matter how angry he gets.

Congratulations on never having to second-guess ending this relationship!

You've just saved yourself a world of pain. Don't look back.

Anonymous wrote:Been together with my current wife for 18 years. You know how often I've called her a name like that? 0 times.

+1 married 16 years; been together 19