Hi OP,
It gets better. I remember feeling just like you. One thing that comforted me was my belief that as long as you remember someone they are never truly gone. Hang in there.

OP here. Thank you so much again for all of your support, and for sharing your own stories. As hard as this is, we're not alone. Sending everyone big hugs.

Anonymous wrote:My dad died unexpectedly almost a week ago, after days on life support waiting to donate organs, which wound up not being used. I feel like I am swimming in jello. I can't sleep. My kids are little and DH has had to step up tremendously. I have to return to home and work soon and the guilt of leaving my mom here alone is killing me. Every one is telling me to watch her and stay close while my boss is reminding me that I've gone over bereavement leave time, as has my DH. My kids want to get back to school. This is awful.

PP, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel - it's like a bad dream, and none of it feels real. I didn't feel like DH or anyone understood how shattered I was. Do what you need to do.

OP, I just want to tell you that I lost my dad a week ago. I am so sorry for your loss. It sucks. Thanks to all who have replied.

My dad died unexpectedly almost a week ago, after days on life support waiting to donate organs, which wound up not being used. I feel like I am swimming in jello. I can't sleep. My kids are little and DH has had to step up tremendously. I have to return to home and work soon and the guilt of leaving my mom here alone is killing me. Every one is telling me to watch her and stay close while my boss is reminding me that I've gone over bereavement leave time, as has my DH. My kids want to get back to school. This is awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your loss. My dad is dying. It is very hard.

Mine too. I'm sorry, OP. No one knows when it won't be so hard. Each person grieves differently. Have you spoken to a counselor? Read any books about grief? I've been through it with the death of a sibling, and there are definite stages. I had to take an anti depressant because I couldn't get the crying under control. My sibling has been gone 14 years, and I still cry about it a few times a week. It will always hurt. Be kind to yourself.

My father is in the process of dying as well. It is heartbreaking. I am sorry for everyone who has lost their father or is in the process of losing him. I am lucky I have had the oppty to tell my dad I love him but each time I speak with him, I dread that it will be the last.

OP, my heart goes out to you. My dad died in January 2011 and I cried every day for at least a year. You will get through this. Remember your grief is nothing to rush or ever be ashamed of. It's real and it's another way we express our love for the one we mourn. Hugs.

My dad died before Thanksgiving 2012. I am still mad that he didn't get a chance to live out his life and watch his grandchildren grow up. Mad at everyone and sad. I think about I him a lot and I especially hate having my birthday without him. Sorry OP, it just sucks....

Anonymous wrote:Also, be prepared for strange reactions that you wouldn't expect to have. Grief isn't always pretty or rational or what you see in the media. For example: when my dad died, I foybd myself getting angry at people for expressing grief when they mentioned dead grandfathers. I never say anything to them, of course, but the jealous feeling felt really ugly. I let myself feel it, remind myself everyone's entitled to their own grief, and maybe have a good cry later.

You might not feel that particular weird thing, but there might be others. It's ok.

For a while after my mom died, I was so pissed off seeing people (strangers!) walking around on the street in a happy mood on a beautiful day. I looked at them and all I could think was "Don't you know my mom died?" It was completely irrational and I couldn't stop feeling so rage filled.

I also did - and still do - feel like my emotions are hovering right at the very surface. Everything sets me off now - I will burst into tears at commercials, or be angry about something small. My dad said the same thing. He went to the opera and had to leave because he started loudly sobbing when the heroine died in La Traviata.

I'm so sorry OP, I lost my father this summer and while I get used to the fact, sometimes it just catches me off guard. Crying feels good though - let yourself cry.

I lost my father 7 years ago. Honestly, it destroyed my life. I've since gotten married and had two children. But nothing replaces him or fills the gaping hole left in my heart.

So sorry for you OP, you are in my prayers.

Also, be prepared for strange reactions that you wouldn't expect to have. Grief isn't always pretty or rational or what you see in the media. For example: when my dad died, I foybd myself getting angry at people for expressing grief when they mentioned dead grandfathers. I never say anything to them, of course, but the jealous feeling felt really ugly. I let myself feel it, remind myself everyone's entitled to their own grief, and maybe have a good cry later.

You might not feel that particular weird thing, but there might be others. It's ok.

I'm sorry, OP. I lost my mom in 2013 and it still feels surreal. I cried every single night in bed at the end of the day - it was like I kept my game face on all day and went to bed and fell apart. That stayed true for a long, long time. It did start to get better - with setbacks - after about 4 months. The firsts all sucked. Also, I felt absolutely miserable coming up on the first anniversary of her death. It was much better after that first date had passed.

What helped me was to talk about her, about happy memories and funny things and her recipes and traditions and stories - all the time, as much as I could, with anyone in the world. I had to focus on the joy of having her in my life rather than the trauma of losing her. It's getting better. I still cry in the car on the way to work about once every 3 weeks. But it's getting easier.

It's never going to be ok or normal. But you'll get used to the 'new normal' of your life.

Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with your husband. He probably doesn't even begin to get it.

Make sure you have other people to cry to. Your husband shouldn't have to receive it all.