Anonymous wrote:PP again...if you feel that your DH is emotionally closer to his cousin than he is to you, and that he/she is more if a confidant than you are, then address that with your DH and would understand why that isn't feeling good to you. But that still doesn't mean you can put parameters on how often they talk.

I would NOT bring this up to DH. This has nothing to do with DH and everything to do with OP having misplaced feelings of discomfort about the phone calls. She needs to work on herself and figure out why she's so jealous of a family member.

OP, just going to choose some pronouns here-

Unless there is something else going on here (i.e., you are concerned your DH is in an emotional affair with his cousin) I really think you should consider counsenling for yoursel and perhas as a couple. i am saying this because it doesnt body well for the dymanics of your relationship if your husband is supposed to get your permission for a couple housr every couple of weeks. are there other things he hs to ask your permission for? what happens when you don't want to do the same trhing?

Be happy your spouse has a good friend, and yay, it's even someone you like. You don't have enough interests if you are sitting there waiting for spouse to end conversation. Really, there's nothing you can do for two hours a week that does not require spouses presence?

Odd that you're purposely staying clear of gender here, since it has nothing to go with anything.

What if twice a month your spouse had a coffee date for 2 hours with their best friend/sibling. Would you find that problematic? It's the exact same thing.

I think it will hurt your relationship with your husband to try and limit how much he talks with his cousin. I think you are feeling insecure about his relationship with this other person. I'm assuming the cousin is female. Do you think there's something inappropriate going on between the two of them? Would you want to limit his conversations if he were talking with his sister? Do you think he is emotionally closer to her than you? If it were your cousin, how would you feel if your husband tried to put limits on how frequently/how long you talk?

Buy him a bluetooth headset, so that he can be hands free while he talks on the phone. You won't be so annoyed if he's getting stuff done while talking....like folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher or walking the dog.

I don't even understand how someone makes it to adulthood, thinking this level of controlling-ness is remotely acceptable. Does no one ever call these types out on their shit?

PP again...if you feel that your DH is emotionally closer to his cousin than he is to you, and that he/she is more if a confidant than you are, then address that with your DH and would understand why that isn't feeling good to you. But that still doesn't mean you can put parameters on how often they talk.

Not a big deal. If you had kids and it was significantly affecting his ability to participate in their care, that's one thing; but even then, twice a month should be just fine.
So the answer is no, you cannot put parameters on their conversations -- it is very controlling and uncalled for.

Unless he is having phone sex with his COUSIN, you need to let it go. A hobby of your own might help.

Anonymous wrote:No, no you're not justified in putting rules in place on how long your spouse can be on the phone. UNLESS YOUR SPOUSE IS 12 YEARS OLD!

Twice a month they can gab away like two old ladies. Get over yourself and go be productive on your own.

You nailed it!

OP, what's really the problem here? Is it a female cousin? Do you feel that he shares with her more than you? Tone of voice is too intimate? Sounds revved up when he talks to her? Brings up topics and when you mention them he closes down?

What exactly is the problem? If it's just that they have a close friendship and he enjoys it, I think that's really your problem and you need to own that. If it's a true emotional affair, then that's another issue.

Hobby suggestions for spouse who can't entertain self for two hours every couple of weeks while spouse talks to family member:

Book club
Make cute crafts to sell on Etsy (I personally like those stuffed snakes that block drafts under doors)
Learn a foreign language on Rosetta Stone
Yoga
Stamp collection

I'm guessing it's a husband talking to a female cousin that's bugging this wife - right? OP - do you think he's going to get it on with his COUSIN?! Or have an emotional affair with her?? They likely grew up together and talk like siblings. 3-4 hours total in a month is nothing. Can't you watch a movie or read or hit the mall for that long if you're so bothered? I talk to my sister 1x week for 1-2 hours -- it's not that unusual for close siblings. You're acting like he's talking to get 3-4 hours per day instead of per month.

I speak with my mom every single day (and I have been married for 25 years).