Anonymous
01/08/2015 14:15
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married, more than 10 years, two kids.
Love my husband, respect him, like him, we laugh every day, have sex a couple times a week, bicker sometimes, discuss current events, roll our eyes at each other's quirks, stick up for each other, shore each other up, leave each other alone when needed be.
When you find the right person, it's actually pretty easy.
I would say the number one tip is that you both want to be married, like married life and are family-oriented people.
GL soon to be married poster. I can truly say my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I couldn't agree with your statement about it being easy when you meet the right person more. Too many people expect hard, bitter times to be a normal part of marriage but I have not actually had that experience. Arguments, yes. Couple of screaming matches, yes =D. But long drawn out horribleness that makes you feel like marriage is just work? Nope.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 14:13
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
No. I am 12 years in to a fantastic marriage. Sure we get on each other's nerves sometimes but mostly he's my best friend and we have a lot of fun together. The problem is too many self-absorbed people, they are always thinking me me me in their relationship, rather than pulling as a team. Just my observation I'm sure others will vehemently disagree.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:32
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
OP is a troll.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:30
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Most marriages have rough stretches. The big question is whether you have the will to live through it and make it better. But it takes two to work through it, and in many instances, swallowing some pride. I think the problem in this town is too many prideful people unwilling to work with their spouse to find the underlying problems in their marriage (and admitting they themselves may be the source).
Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that marriage isn't a joyride, it's hard work and takes time and commitment and periods of probably not liking each other. But it seems like a majority of people (not just on this board, where it seems to be a very high concentration, but families I know in real life) are living like roommates because they don't want to divorce, for the kids, or for money. They have to force themselves to have sex with their husband. And that's the good "unhappy" situations. At least those people can civilly co-exist and parent together. Then there are the couples that can't stand to be in the presence of their spouse and don't barely speak to each other.
It's just a depressing thing to hear/read about when you're planning a wedding and life together. I mean, we talk about this, how we are going to work hard to not be like "those" people. My parents were "those" people who are married and just kinda married because they've been together for 30+ years and don't know any different, and had a very rocky marriage for most of what I can remember.
But I highly doubt anyone married ever thought they'd end up unhappy, angry, miserable, and they all went in knowing marriage was hard, but thinking they'd work out.
You WILL go through patches where you feel like you're just cohabitating with your spouse and getting through it. There will be times where you're at your wits' end with each other because you both need something the other one just can't give at that moment (time, sex, whatever). Kids will come along and change everything. When you read the posts on here that people make, I wouldn't assume their marriages have always been or will always be the way they are currently writing about them. You're getting snapshots of particularly rough moments in people's marriages- not the whole picture. And yes, you will go through those. If you're lucky you won't go through the really bad stuff like infidelity or addiction or a spouse who ends up being a horrible parent, but you will go through the other stuff. It's one thing to pay lip service to how marriage is hard and quite another to live it. Probably not the best reading material while planning a wedding, but it is useful stuff to read and know.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:29
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
I'm happily married, more than 10 years, two kids.
Love my husband, respect him, like him, we laugh every day, have sex a couple times a week, bicker sometimes, discuss current events, roll our eyes at each other's quirks, stick up for each other, shore each other up, leave each other alone when needed be.
When you find the right person, it's actually pretty easy.
I would say the number one tip is that you both want to be married, like married life and are family-oriented people.
GL soon to be married poster. I can truly say my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Love my husband, respect him, like him, we laugh every day, have sex a couple times a week, bicker sometimes, discuss current events, roll our eyes at each other's quirks, stick up for each other, shore each other up, leave each other alone when needed be.
When you find the right person, it's actually pretty easy.
I would say the number one tip is that you both want to be married, like married life and are family-oriented people.
GL soon to be married poster. I can truly say my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:24
Subject: Re:I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
10:53 here. I wish I had had this book much earlier in my marriage.
http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420733998&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+improve+your+marriage+without+talking+about+it
Some of it is hoke, but it offers some pretty good perspective. I saw two divorce attorneys in the span of one year, and came very close to moving out because we were roommates and I was resentful. You need to find a way to stay present in your marriage and realize that you must let some things slide, but if they are going to bother you, you need to communicate. We were at the point we could not communicate without anger. We spent years in fruitless counseling. We talked past each other. In a last ditch effort, I tried to implement some of this book that I found used on a particularly dismal day of my marriage.
Stay connected, through kids, through better and worse. Date night, remember why you are marrying, why he is right for you.
Sometimes, in life, you can only manage being a roommate. It's finding your way back to intimacy that is hard, especially where there is resentment and anger. Never let it get that far and you'll be good.
http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420733998&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+improve+your+marriage+without+talking+about+it
Some of it is hoke, but it offers some pretty good perspective. I saw two divorce attorneys in the span of one year, and came very close to moving out because we were roommates and I was resentful. You need to find a way to stay present in your marriage and realize that you must let some things slide, but if they are going to bother you, you need to communicate. We were at the point we could not communicate without anger. We spent years in fruitless counseling. We talked past each other. In a last ditch effort, I tried to implement some of this book that I found used on a particularly dismal day of my marriage.
Stay connected, through kids, through better and worse. Date night, remember why you are marrying, why he is right for you.
Sometimes, in life, you can only manage being a roommate. It's finding your way back to intimacy that is hard, especially where there is resentment and anger. Never let it get that far and you'll be good.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:17
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Most marriages have rough stretches. The big question is whether you have the will to live through it and make it better. But it takes two to work through it, and in many instances, swallowing some pride. I think the problem in this town is too many prideful people unwilling to work with their spouse to find the underlying problems in their marriage (and admitting they themselves may be the source).
Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that marriage isn't a joyride, it's hard work and takes time and commitment and periods of probably not liking each other. But it seems like a majority of people (not just on this board, where it seems to be a very high concentration, but families I know in real life) are living like roommates because they don't want to divorce, for the kids, or for money. They have to force themselves to have sex with their husband. And that's the good "unhappy" situations. At least those people can civilly co-exist and parent together. Then there are the couples that can't stand to be in the presence of their spouse and don't barely speak to each other.
It's just a depressing thing to hear/read about when you're planning a wedding and life together. I mean, we talk about this, how we are going to work hard to not be like "those" people. My parents were "those" people who are married and just kinda married because they've been together for 30+ years and don't know any different, and had a very rocky marriage for most of what I can remember.
But I highly doubt anyone married ever thought they'd end up unhappy, angry, miserable, and they all went in knowing marriage was hard, but thinking they'd work out.
Please don't get discouraged. No one gets married thinking they are going to divorce. BUT, there are so many factors that you can't control or foresee, and sometimes it just comes down to luck. For example, you know your partner now, as a young (I assume) person, looking ahead to their career, their future family, personal growth, etc. But it's so hard to tell how you or your partner will weather the normal ups and downs of life, the stressors and joys of having children, career demands, or career stagnation. You get the idea. Hopefully, you stay connected and remain partners and work together. Sadly, some couples can't. I'm separated, and my STBX is nearly unrecognizable from the man I married. He just flamed out. We married in our early 30's, when we were both pretty sure of ourselves. OTOH, I have friends who met in college, and are still happily married, even though they have both changed a great deal. Marriage is part love, part lifestyle, and part business relationship. That's a lot to put on a relationship. As my ex and I were calling it quits, I likened our marriage to a failed business. I think that's why the partnership aspect is so vital. Without a true partner, you have nothing.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 11:03
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Most marriages have rough stretches. The big question is whether you have the will to live through it and make it better. But it takes two to work through it, and in many instances, swallowing some pride. I think the problem in this town is too many prideful people unwilling to work with their spouse to find the underlying problems in their marriage (and admitting they themselves may be the source).
Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that marriage isn't a joyride, it's hard work and takes time and commitment and periods of probably not liking each other. But it seems like a majority of people (not just on this board, where it seems to be a very high concentration, but families I know in real life) are living like roommates because they don't want to divorce, for the kids, or for money. They have to force themselves to have sex with their husband. And that's the good "unhappy" situations. At least those people can civilly co-exist and parent together. Then there are the couples that can't stand to be in the presence of their spouse and don't barely speak to each other.
It's just a depressing thing to hear/read about when you're planning a wedding and life together. I mean, we talk about this, how we are going to work hard to not be like "those" people. My parents were "those" people who are married and just kinda married because they've been together for 30+ years and don't know any different, and had a very rocky marriage for most of what I can remember.
But I highly doubt anyone married ever thought they'd end up unhappy, angry, miserable, and they all went in knowing marriage was hard, but thinking they'd work out.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:53
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Most marriages have rough stretches. The big question is whether you have the will to live through it and make it better. But it takes two to work through it, and in many instances, swallowing some pride. I think the problem in this town is too many prideful people unwilling to work with their spouse to find the underlying problems in their marriage (and admitting they themselves may be the source).
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:51
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Nope DCUM is just a place a lot of people come to discuss their unhappy marriages and divorces. There are also a few here that are very happy. But my guess is if you aren't having issues, chances are you aren't looking for a forum to discussion relationship issues.
But maybe this is a good forum to read to see what the common issues are that result in people being unhappy and unfortunately divorcing.
I came here after a breakup from a LTR. It helped a lot and I've learned a lot like:
- Relationships/Marriage require work. That isn't a cliche statement..it is true.
- You shouldn't sit around and think things will just "work themselves out". You need to bring up issues with your partner, communicate frequently, and be proactive.
- The honeymoon stage wears off. That is normal. Happy couples aren't all lovey dovey forever. Work toward what you and your partner wants out of the marriage, and continue to communicate.
- People change. If you aren't cool with your partner possibly changing in the future, then you may not want to marry them.
These are just a few of the things I've learned. And in my next LTR, I think I'll be a better partner because of it.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:45
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Jesus Christ...does anyone in this town have a happy marriage?
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
I'm engaged. This page tells me we are eventually going to be unhappy and hate each other. My husband will cheat on me, I will be blamed for not putting out enough and spending too much time on our kids, and then, for financial reasons, we will stay together, in misery, for the rest of our lives, wishing we never met each other.
Yay.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:33
Subject: Re:I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Any particular reason you went from loving her enough to want to get married to feeling this way?
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:19
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Oh wow. It's probably better to do something about it than post on a webpage OP
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:11
Subject: I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Guess what, I bet she hates you too. I loathe my DH.
Anonymous
01/08/2015 10:05
Subject: Re:I really dislike my wife and my marriage.
Are you the one who frequently posts about your wife and DD? It's been a couple weeks, hasn't it? So fucking divorce her already.