Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 23:46     Subject: Re:please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The issue is not the profile, its the men. And you've been out of the dating scene for a while, so you may have a harder time discerning who is serious.

in general, I'd look for men who are divorced/widowed (at your age, the never marrieds all have commitment issues), with kids, and who want to take it slow because they don't have a lot of time either.

then I'd not get too serious with anyone until they seem serious.

also, did they dump you immediately after the first time you had sex? or just after a while? [/quoting

They dumped me after awhile after we had sex, with the exception of one guy who dumped me (didn't have the decency to call or text me) after the second time we had sex. It is a really low feeling. I feel very used and I want to put an end to datling these kinds of guys.


If the last comment is you, OP, you can't "put an end to dating these kinds of guys" - because they are not all the same kind of guy.

You said that one guy dumped you after the second time you had sex without calling or texting. Yes, he sounds like a dirtbag, and I can understand not wanting to date dirtbags. So let's exclude him from the rest of this discussion, and just focus on the other guys, and what you've said.

The others, you say, broke up with you 'awhile' after you had sex. These breakups had nothing to do with the sex. They dated you for months after you started sleeping together, and for whatever reasons found incompatibilities. That's what dating is. No one is obligated to continue to date you indefinitely because you slept with them. They are allowed to change their months after months of getting to know you more.

A guy breaking up with you months after you mutually choose to begin a sexual relationship is not you being used. It's him having the right to decide on how right (or wrong) he thinks you are for his future. If you were younger, or sleeping with men very quickly, I'd say to hold off on sex longer, but you should be mature enough, and it doesn't sound like you're rushing into physical relationships.

Your question and the way you're thinking about this are all wrong. You think if you wrote a different type of profile, you'd get what, a man who will know before he sleeps with you (within a couple of months) that he'll never leave you? That's not how dating works. People are allowed to change their minds, and decide you're not for them, and it doesn't mean they don't want an LTR, or are only looking for sex. If you're feeling so badly (and particularly, as you say, used) after these breakups, I think you need to stop dating altogether for awhile until you're in a different place emotionally.

I say this as a single woman, BTW.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 22:43     Subject: Re:please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:The issue is not the profile, its the men. And you've been out of the dating scene for a while, so you may have a harder time discerning who is serious.

in general, I'd look for men who are divorced/widowed (at your age, the never marrieds all have commitment issues), with kids, and who want to take it slow because they don't have a lot of time either.

then I'd not get too serious with anyone until they seem serious.

also, did they dump you immediately after the first time you had sex? or just after a while? [/quoting

They dumped me after awhile after we had sex, with the exception of one guy who dumped me (didn't have the decency to call or text me) after the second time we had sex. It is a really low feeling. I feel very used and I want to put an end to datling these kinds of guys.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 18:36     Subject: Re:please help me write a clever online dating profile
The issue is not the profile, its the men. And you've been out of the dating scene for a while, so you may have a harder time discerning who is serious.

in general, I'd look for men who are divorced/widowed (at your age, the never marrieds all have commitment issues), with kids, and who want to take it slow because they don't have a lot of time either.

then I'd not get too serious with anyone until they seem serious.

also, did they dump you immediately after the first time you had sex? or just after a while?
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 17:24     Subject: Re:please help me write a clever online dating profile
There are a couple of books that offer good suggestions for writing profiles, as well as other aspects of online dating. I found this one helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Love-First-Click-Ultimate-Online-ebook/dp/B008J2G76M/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1420582979&sr=8-3&keywords=online+dating

Also http://www.amazon.com/Love-First-Site-Modern-Day-Matchmaker-ebook/dp/B00N19Q7MC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1420583045&sr=1-1&keywords=love+at+first+site
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 16:06     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
I really don't believe the way you write your profile will make a huge difference and attract exactly what you want. Dating online is a numbers game. You have a very large pool of people that you then have to narrow down. That can take a long time and lot of failures before finding someone that meets your criteria. You end up spending WAY too much time creating a profile and reading other profiles. It leads to frustration.

I know most people see Tinder as just a hook up site. And yes there are a lot of people out there just looking for that. But same goes for every dating site. With Tinder it is like internet speed dating. You just swipe people you find attractive and if you match, strike up a conversation. The ones looking to hook up aren't going to carry on much of a conversation, so unmatch them fast.

Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 15:45     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Post your current profile and we'll help edit it.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 14:39     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
I don't think the issue is with your profile - it sounds like you are attracting men. Maybe you just need to take a bit more time to get to know them.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:56     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
The online dating Ted talk is interesting...here's the transcript:

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating/transcript?language=en
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:56     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How fast are you sleeping with these men?


One was a few months into dating him (two months or so). The latest guy I slept with on our fourth date.


so stop going on dates with guys who aren't right or good for you. take responsibility for your actions, keep your legs closed until you meet someone who actually fits what you are looking for in a partner - unless you just want to get laid and if so, stop complaining.


And exactly how is she supposed to tell if someone is not right or good for her without at least a date? There is only so much screening that can be done online/on the phone.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:54     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How fast are you sleeping with these men?


One was a few months into dating him (two months or so). The latest guy I slept with on our fourth date.


so stop going on dates with guys who aren't right or good for you. take responsibility for your actions, keep your legs closed until you meet someone who actually fits what you are looking for in a partner - unless you just want to get laid and if so, stop complaining.


Unfortunately in today's world, no man is going to commit to a LTR without sleeping with a woman first. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship and why waste more time if the sex is not good?



+1, except I don't think it's unfortunate. I'm a woman who wouldn't commit to an LTR without sex first.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:53     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Unless you make references to sex in your profile, I don't think changing it will bring you the changes you want. You can't control who is going to reach out to you. You've just got to screen well once you are meeting up in person.
Looking back, are there any signs you may have missed about these three guys?


One of the guys was very recently divorced when we met and it was clear (and understandable) after a few months he wanted to date around. Another one was a 45 year old never married guy who seemed to like the dating scene - he was hard to schedule dates with because he was always 'busy'. The last guy was divorced eight years ago and has a teenage daughter. He told me he did not want to date exclusively until she was out of high school. He wanted sex with me but was not into me at all.


Okay, it sounds like you just ran across a few guys who weren't a match. It sucks but it happens. This is not a profile issue though so don't stress about that! As long as your profile isn't negative or bitchy, it's more than likely fine.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:52     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How fast are you sleeping with these men?


One was a few months into dating him (two months or so). The latest guy I slept with on our fourth date.


so stop going on dates with guys who aren't right or good for you. take responsibility for your actions, keep your legs closed until you meet someone who actually fits what you are looking for in a partner - unless you just want to get laid and if so, stop complaining.


Unfortunately in today's world, no man is going to commit to a LTR without sleeping with a woman first. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship and why waste more time if the sex is not good?
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:51     Subject: Re:please help me write a clever online dating profile
try emailing people rather than waiting for folks to email you. look for ones who say they want a long term relationship. many do....

Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:51     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How fast are you sleeping with these men?


One was a few months into dating him (two months or so). The latest guy I slept with on our fourth date.


so stop going on dates with guys who aren't right or good for you. take responsibility for your actions, keep your legs closed until you meet someone who actually fits what you are looking for in a partner - unless you just want to get laid and if so, stop complaining.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2015 13:50     Subject: please help me write a clever online dating profile
I would check Etsy, find a copy writer, or google this. You can actually hire people to write your profiles for you.