You're having sex with him 2 weeks after finding out. I could not imagine getting in a sexual mood after such a devistating event.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say he wants to give it his best effort? Or did he say he doesn't even want to try and refuse to talk about it?

He wants to give it his best effort but thus far, isn't wanting to talk about it. He is totally willing to discuss what was making him unhappy in me though.

No ma'am. Everything gets put on the table. He doesn't get to dictate things like that. He screwed up. If he really wants to make this work, then everything is on the table.

Are you seeing a marriage counselor? If he refuses, then the marriage does not move forward. You cannot talk this out on your own.

+1 He doesn't get to set the parameters, you do. There is a difference between telling someone what you don't like about them and talking things through so they improve- you need a professional involved for any discussions to be worthwhile at this point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say he wants to give it his best effort? Or did he say he doesn't even want to try and refuse to talk about it?

He wants to give it his best effort but thus far, isn't wanting to talk about it. He is totally willing to discuss what was making him unhappy in me though.

No ma'am. Everything gets put on the table. He doesn't get to dictate things like that. He screwed up. If he really wants to make this work, then everything is on the table.

Are you seeing a marriage counselor? If he refuses, then the marriage does not move forward. You cannot talk this out on your own.

Anonymous wrote:Did he say he wants to give it his best effort? Or did he say he doesn't even want to try and refuse to talk about it?

He wants to give it his best effort but thus far, isn't wanting to talk about it. He is totally willing to discuss what was making him unhappy in me though.

There is no with time he'll come around. He betrayed you, the time is now or never. You are unfortunately setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt and disappointment.

Did he say he wants to give it his best effort? Or did he say he doesn't even want to try and refuse to talk about it?

Op here-things weren't good when this happened. I'm willing to accept my role in what led to the cheating. I can make that stuff better and already am working towards it . We have had awesome sex since I found out. My issue is going to be the panic I know I am going to feel if things aren't good. I don't deserve to freak out anytime our marriage hits a low point. I want my cheating spouse to give me signals if and when his cheating ass feels weak or if a girl comes on to him. How do I get him to not go down that road again? It has only been two weeks since I found out so we have a long way to go. He's mostly worried that I can't get over it. If I show him I can, he wants to give this marriage his best effort- or so he says. Is that enough? What else can we do? We are working on what is broken but he doesn't want to discuss his affairs. I feel like I will need that. Maybe with time, he will come around. How do i know that all my efforts won't be in vain?

I think the circumstances of the cheating matter a lot.
Were you going through a horrible time, fighting a lot, no sex? Or did everything appear to be going wonderfully when this happened?
This isn't to blame the cheated on spouse AT ALL, it's just to say in the first scenario I could see it happening and, if our original problems got resolved see myself overcoming it, while in the second scenario I wouldn't want to even try because if that's how someone acts when everything is good, what the heck can you do with that?

I don't want to deal with "surviving" infidelity. DH doesn't either. One of the reasons we don't cheat.

I think its hard to stay in the marriage. Its like you've pulled back a curtain and have seen the dark side to your spouse. Once the respect and trust is gone, its gone.

I think its hard to stay in the marriage. Its like you've pulled back a curtain and have seen the dark side to your spouse. Once the respect and trust is gone, its gone.

W survived a few one night stands. I posted n the its thread. DH needed to be medicated fir bipolar disorder, individual and couples counseling, and intense remorse on his part. Our marriage and relationship was and is strong enough to get through it, but we had to tackle the issues head on and both of us wanted to stay together.

We also had a young child and could not imagine not both being with her.

Anonymous wrote:That's why I think Hillary shouldn't be President. She must have the least self respect on the planet.

Take it to the politics forum.

That's why I think Hillary shouldn't be President. She must have the least self respect on the planet.

They really don't think about the consequences until they get caught then they have that oh s**t moment. Somehow they suspend reality and they steps going into an affair are not dramatic. It starts with coffee, then sharing, then feeling like this person gets you/admires you/makes you feel great, then you feel like you're helping them. This happens a long time before the first drunken kiss. But it's a short time after the kiss to hopping into bed. No one is really THINKING about any consequences or vows or anything.