Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 01:13     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Anonymous wrote:
It's because many people don't bother anymore, so it makes them feel inferior. Since etiquette is all about making others feel comfortable, the correct step here is to stop sending them, and thank them verbally.


yes this is correct. Sad, but true.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 00:48     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing they think you're a pretentious bitch for numerous other reasons. At this point they've stopped trying to see the good in you, so everything you do is going to seem pretentious in their eyes. They probably enjoy gossiping and talking bad about you behind your back because they're fed up with you. So, obviously they need to grow up; but most likely there's more pretentiousness to your personality than just an irritating thank-you note habit. Just something to chew on.


Why is this OP's problem? I disagree.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 00:47     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Anonymous wrote:I write thank you notes for all but close family and close friends. I was taught that thank you notes were formal and that for those who you are close and more familiar that verbal thank yous are more appropriate. A written thank you conveys that you feel they aren't close enough and treat them formally instead of familiarly. It's similar to who you call beloved nicknames vs who you address more formally. So, siblings, parents, very close family that we see regularly, or very lose friends, I don't send thank yous. Others, I do.

Your in-laws may also feel similar and feel that you are treating them more formally and distantly by sending thank you notes instead of thanking them in person or calling them to thank them, which is how my family would convey gratitude if we were not there in person.


That's interesting. I was raised to send everyone thank you notes. Anyone else had the same experience as this PP?
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 00:46     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Anonymous wrote:Thank you notes. If people think you're pretentious it's because they have no manners.


Thank you! I'm sorry OP. Keep doing what you know is right - by continuing to write thank you notes!
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 00:15     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
I write thank you notes for all but close family and close friends. I was taught that thank you notes were formal and that for those who you are close and more familiar that verbal thank yous are more appropriate. A written thank you conveys that you feel they aren't close enough and treat them formally instead of familiarly. It's similar to who you call beloved nicknames vs who you address more formally. So, siblings, parents, very close family that we see regularly, or very lose friends, I don't send thank yous. Others, I do.

Your in-laws may also feel similar and feel that you are treating them more formally and distantly by sending thank you notes instead of thanking them in person or calling them to thank them, which is how my family would convey gratitude if we were not there in person.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 23:59     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
I love writing thank you notes but I don't send them to my close family (parents, immediate in-laws, close aunts and uncles) because they feel inappropriately formal for the relationship/circumstance. If everyone opens gifts under the Christmas tree together and I am the only one sending a note, my in-laws would think it was weird too. It's unkind of them to say what they did, but you might as well take it as an invitation to write a few fewer notes and focus on effusive thanks in person/over the phone. Less work for you, less formal for them.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 23:46     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Just stop writing them any thank you notes. Have DH convey "thanks."
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 22:52     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
I'm guessing they think you're a pretentious bitch for numerous other reasons. At this point they've stopped trying to see the good in you, so everything you do is going to seem pretentious in their eyes. They probably enjoy gossiping and talking bad about you behind your back because they're fed up with you. So, obviously they need to grow up; but most likely there's more pretentiousness to your personality than just an irritating thank-you note habit. Just something to chew on.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 21:43     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Are you doing it after a big Christmas family gathering where you spent the week together, during which you probably already said thank you several times? Then, yes a little awkward to send a thank you just ot say it all over again. Thank you notes make more sense when you didn't have the time to properly thank people in person - like at a birthday party or after a wedding or for a gift that came thought the mail.

I realize there are others who disagree with me, and that's fine, but I think for some people - sending another written thanks after saying it in person, your kid playing with the gift right in front of them (what grandparents really want anyway), it's just kinda odd and unncessary.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 21:40     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Oh, I believe it. Has happened to me. I write thank you notes and would get hives if I ever did not.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:54     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
How is this drama?

These are gifts that they ship, for what it's worth. We don't generally celebrate holidays with them in person, as they live across the country.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:51     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Anonymous wrote:Well, wait a minute. If they gave you the gifts in person and you already thanked them in person, it would be inappropriate to also send a thank you card. So it depends on context.


Excellent point. We do thank you notes for gifts we open up when the gift giver is not present. For example we are handed the gifts at the bday party but we don't open them until we get home, therefore we send a Thank You card.
Now I have mixed feelings.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:40     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Op, cut the drama
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 19:31     Subject: IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
Well, wait a minute. If they gave you the gifts in person and you already thanked them in person, it would be inappropriate to also send a thank you card. So it depends on context.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 19:29     Subject: Re:IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes
I don't believe this story at all.