I sympathize, OP. I always feel like an interloper in ILs house too. I know they talk about me and have a laugh at my expense at times. We are hugely different so it makes sense. I decided long ago that I will never "win" and to just go with the flow during every visit. It's not about me--it's about honoring my husband's family of origin and allowing my child to bond with that side of the family. Most families have lots of "issues"--my DH's is no exception. I only have to put up with it several times a year and am grateful we don't live in the same state. For the rest of the PPs, you are way too harsh on the OP. Maybe she was irritating but, so,what? I'm sure her ILs are equally irritating to others--that's life. And after several days of being cooped up in someone else's home doing what they want to do, anybody would be a bit tense.

What your SIL said is a gift. You are way too controlling and high strung. You've gotten that feedback before. Do something about it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm going to let it go.

To answer various questions:

1. She has a kid pretty much the exact same age.
2. She was complaining about me to a third person (my BIL - not my husband, not her husband, their other brother) and said "She was having a conniption about her need to keep to an f**ing schedule."
3. We were at my in-laws house. I am the interloper here. The rest are siblings. Things move at a more leisurely pace in their family and I gotta try harder to fit in or just bust out and do my own thing instead of spinning my wheels. Does not help that I'd had too much caffeine. And FWIW this is a criticism of my personality I've heard from others too, not just his family. I'm more than a bit high-strung.
4. It just felt shitty because I'm not a blood relative and I felt boxed out.

So, no one is allowed to discuss your behavior unless they discuss it with you first? Even when that description is accurate? You don't get to control what people talk about. You can only control your own behavior and reactions. It sounds like that's an area you really need to work on.

Np here. I was a pill this weekend at SIL/BIL's house. Their one kid goes to bed at variable times and sleeps in to account for any lost sleep. She is perfectly healthy and easy going and I am envious that their kid sleeps in when she needs to.

My two kids never sleep in. They get up at 6am
Regardless if they go to bed at 7:30pm or 10pm, but they are obviously better behaved the day after at 7:30p bedtime. When we travel I try so hard to unclench, but bedtime delays annoy me beyond all belief. We were at their house and I was trying to get our kids to bed and their dd and cousin from the other side were making a TON of noise in the next room keeping my kids up. They went up here and there to tell them to quiet down (and I nicely told them to quiet down) but it was clear their kids didn't need to go down at that moment but wanted to play and it was clear (by my one kid crying) that my kids did need to go to sleep. If it has been opposite, I would have taken my kids downstairs to let the earlier bedtime kids fall asleep and then let my kids back up to goof around. So I was probably a pill too, so you know you're not the only one

My kids eat dinner at 5:00-5:30. I know this is a very early dinner but that is when the kids eat dinner. I start getting very anxious if we are not cooking by 5. If we are planning to go out for dinner, ILs take their sweet old time.

I'm sure they all think I am crazy but my kids can't go to dinner at 8pm. They are young and are sleeping by 8. We start bedtime routine at 7pm normally.

MIL was cooking Christmas Eve dinner. She decided to go grocery shopping at 5pm, wasn't back until after 6. It was 7:30pm by the time she was done cooking. I already fed our kids at their usual 5:30 time. I think she was upset but it was our house. She never seems to remember that our kids eat dinner early and go to bed at 8.

OP here. I'm going to let it go.

To answer various questions:

1. She has a kid pretty much the exact same age.
2. She was complaining about me to a third person (my BIL - not my husband, not her husband, their other brother) and said "She was having a conniption about her need to keep to an f**ing schedule."
3. We were at my in-laws house. I am the interloper here. The rest are siblings. Things move at a more leisurely pace in their family and I gotta try harder to fit in or just bust out and do my own thing instead of spinning my wheels. Does not help that I'd had too much caffeine. And FWIW this is a criticism of my personality I've heard from others too, not just his family. I'm more than a bit high-strung.
4. It just felt shitty because I'm not a blood relative and I felt boxed out.

It's pretty ridiculous to think that no one will talk about you, especially when, as you admit, you were being a pill.

Take it as a lesson that people notice when you're a pain and do better next time. Also, let it go. It really isn't a big deal in the long run.

Did DH pile on or stick up for you when SIL was complaining to him?

I think apologizing would be a good idea, but keep it short and sweet, with no hidden meaning. The plain "sorry" a PP suggested sounds good and will close the issue in a positive way. SIL might figure out that you heard her, but by not mentioning it, you're taking the high road and letting her come out of it looking good. Any backhanded comment will worsen the situation and poison your relationship with your in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either let it go OR go up to her when you two can be alone and say "Hey Larla, I heard you talking about how annoying I was being yesterday when we were all trying to get out of the house. It's true, I was, and I apologize for that. Next time though, please feel free to talk to me directly. Nobody likes to overhear someone talking about them, you know?" And then MOVE ON.

I like this. Good combo of caking her out and apologizing, and let's her know not to screw with you. This is what I would do.

Yep, you could do that. And then instead of just thinking you were being a pill that one time, she'll just think you're an all-around bitch. You might feel good about being "right,"* but does it really get you what you want in the long-run?

* Although really, would you be right? Have you really never complained about someone's bad behavior behind their back? You acknowledge your behavior was poor, did you really expect no one else to have feelings about it?

This!

I think what you did was not that bad. You were anxious about your kid getting a nap. What did SIL say? Does she have kids? I say let it go. You both played a part so you're even.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either let it go OR go up to her when you two can be alone and say "Hey Larla, I heard you talking about how annoying I was being yesterday when we were all trying to get out of the house. It's true, I was, and I apologize for that. Next time though, please feel free to talk to me directly. Nobody likes to overhear someone talking about them, you know?" And then MOVE ON.

I like this. Good combo of caking her out and apologizing, and let's her know not to screw with you. This is what I would do.

Yep, you could do that. And then instead of just thinking you were being a pill that one time, she'll just think you're an all-around bitch. You might feel good about being "right,"* but does it really get you what you want in the long-run?

* Although really, would you be right? Have you really never complained about someone's bad behavior behind their back? You acknowledge your behavior was poor, did you really expect no one else to have feelings about it?

it was crappy of her talk about me that way within earshot

True. Very true. But the above is just you trying to continue the drama.
You need to contribute to a much needed change - a change in the pattern of how family members relate to each other.

Let it go. We are ALL pills sometimes, Op. Just try to do better next time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either let it go OR go up to her when you two can be alone and say "Hey Larla, I heard you talking about how annoying I was being yesterday when we were all trying to get out of the house. It's true, I was, and I apologize for that. Next time though, please feel free to talk to me directly. Nobody likes to overhear someone talking about them, you know?" And then MOVE ON.

I like this. Good combo of caking her out and apologizing, and let's her know not to screw with you. This is what I would do.

Right, keeps you as Top Bitch!