Not sure about your "parents not liking you" idea.

Sounds like they want to keep you in their sphere of influence, and the only way they know how is to treat you like a child---try to keep you dependent on them. So they both do things for you and also tell you or imply that they have to do these things because you can't do them yourself.

So they might love you, but this is their unhealthy way of keeping hold on you. Of course the rental property is the perfect stage to act out on all their weirdnesses.

Regardless, change the locks and pay a friend or neighbor to watch the place (doesn't have to be a large sum). If you cannot do that, sell it. Don't continue to sign up to be a hostage to your parents.

If your parents don't like you, nothing you do now will make them like you. That's pretty much why you keep saying yes to them and giving them the key, and letting them guilt trip you. You figure that actions that will make them love you like you want them to is just around the corner and if you do that one thing, well, they will realize how foolish they were!

Not going to happen.

Accept that there is no single concrete action or words that you can use that will make them like or love you the way you want them to.

The reasoning you provide for why they would renovate your bathroom reads to me as someone outside the situation as you are someone who is hyper sensitive. You equated a renovated bathroom with them telling you that you are a failure at life. Parents can very easily and very cheaply tell their kids this. They certainly do not need a bathroom renovation to accomplish that. So realize that your line of thinking is way outside the norm on this.

I don't understand - did they borrow the key to check onthe place, let in a contractor or surprise you with a gift?

When they complain about the cost simply say "You made the choices so the control was with you."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change the locks and hire someone to check out the work your parents have done and finish it.

Seriously? I can't AFFORD it which is why I never did it before. Which is why they think I'm a failure at life.

So you own a rental property and cannot afford to change some locks that anyone could get at Home Depot??? Hmmm, I call troll.

She can't afford to have the remodeling work finished. And she shouldn't pay for it even if she could indeed afford it, since she did not OK it. Who signed the contracts anyway?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how this is bad or why that means they don't like you. Seems like a good thing to me. I get that it was a surprise and you didn't want them doing stuff you didn't know about or approve. But I have a couple bathrooms I'd like remodeled. Maybe they thought they were helping?

Not OP, but the reason you don't understand this is that you most probably don't have emotionally abusive parents. Count yourself lucky that you don't.

It's hard to explain, but emotionally abusive people have a way to make it seem they're giving you a gift while it's really a way to tell you: "This aspect of your life is YET ONE MORE THING in which you're not up to standard. You can't pull your shit together. You're nothing without us".

My father tried to pull something like this on me, on a smaller scale, recently. He kept insisting I should buy a new cell phone, and that he'd pay for it. The reason why? The phone works perfectly, but the display is cracked. And I am NOT spending money to replace something that works perfectly, not am I going to give in to his power-play. He came clean one night as we were fighting about the effing phone and he told me that if he were me he'd be ashamed to use that phone around people because it has a cracked display. He's an emotionally abusive bully and I'll never be good enough to him.

BTW, I'm not ashamed to use a phone with a cracked display. To me, shame should be something you feel when you intentionally hurt another human being and/or violate his/her rights, or when you behave like a criminal.

Anonymous wrote:^^ oh and OP, that means that you can't let them help you find a tenant. I know. PITA if they are helpful in that way. You have to pretend they don't live nearby and do it all as if they did not exist, even if you have to pay a realtor to get someone in there for you.

That is the tradeoff--your time and money vs. your parents and all that emotional baggage they bring. Elect to pay in cash and not in emotional turmoil.

Best advice ever.

Man, I would love it if my parents did that and footed the bill. Just say thanks, it was something you couldn't afford and how nice it was for them to do this for you. They are trying to show love and assuage any guilt they feel for alienating you.

Leave and cleave, baby! You are an adult. They still see you as a child. They have issues. They need therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change the locks and hire someone to check out the work your parents have done and finish it.

Seriously? I can't AFFORD it which is why I never did it before. Which is why they think I'm a failure at life.

So you own a rental property and cannot afford to change some locks that anyone could get at Home Depot??? Hmmm, I call troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change the locks and hire someone to check out the work your parents have done and finish it.

Seriously? I can't AFFORD it which is why I never did it before. Which is why they think I'm a failure at life.

But you can't afford to have your parents do this to you either.

Discuss with your therapist.

Are you underwater on the condo? It might be worth selling so as not to have a major asset near your parents. Do you have a partner who is in the mix?

Anonymous wrote:Change the locks and hire someone to check out the work your parents have done and finish it.

Seriously? I can't AFFORD it which is why I never did it before. Which is why they think I'm a failure at life.

Change the locks and hire someone to check out the work your parents have done and finish it.

Never rely on your parents for anything or give them much access to your life anymore.

One of the PPs wrote that the OP's first sentence (RE 'parents have never liked me') is 'total whack.'

Not exactly sure what the PP meant, but for the record, there *are* parents who simply do not like their children. My mother dislikes me in ways that break my heart (and my husband's, and even my daughter's, who's now old enough to see the pain even when I try to hide it). It utterly sucks. You can't imagine how hard it is unless you've been through it.

OP, I am sorry you're in this situation.

I don't understand how this is bad or why that means they don't like you. Seems like a good thing to me. I get that it was a surprise and you didn't want them doing stuff you didn't know about or approve. But I have a couple bathrooms I'd like remodeled. Maybe they thought they were helping?

Anonymous wrote:Why are you playing into it all? So what if they renovated a bathroom? Just say "Thanks" and go about your business. They can say whatever they want, but they cannot make you feel anything. YOU control that. Stop engaging with them. Stop giving so much energy to them.

Comtinue with the therapy.

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