Anonymous wrote:Make shit up. I invent gossip ALL THE TIME about fake people. Pretend they're someone you knew growing up and your parents forgot about, or just invent a new friend. VERY entertaining.

I have to do this with my MIl.

Make shit up. I invent gossip ALL THE TIME about fake people. Pretend they're someone you knew growing up and your parents forgot about, or just invent a new friend. VERY entertaining.

Anonymous wrote:In short, the in-laws will spend our entire visit gossipy about family and neighbors. (This is what you do in their small town.)
Remind me how to handle it.
I usually keep my mouth shut, or try to change the subject, b/c I know this will change.
But is there anything I CAN say about the gossip?

And if you are wondering why it bothers me, it does bother me that 1) gossip is such a boring use of conversation and 2) they gossip about everyone, offensively and nosily, about everyone, including me.

I feel your pain. I hate gossip. It's pointless, boring, and - most of the times - hurtful.

Another thing that has worked for us is having one of our kids say to you loudly "Mommy, why is grammy being so mean? It's not nice to say mean things about other people." They want to be worshipped by their precious grandchildren and they pretend to be so loving, so even though they defend themselves, it is a kick in the gut. It tends to stop them for a while.

My in-laws do this too which is why we tell them very little. I found a strategy that works, bit it makes them crazy angry. I have used it on my gossipy neighbor too...

I have THE LOOK I give my kids when they have done something that goes against our values like saying cruel things to or injure eachother or when they act rude with a playdate. My mom has the same look. It communicates "I am so disappointed. I thought you were a better person than this., You should be ashamed of yourselves."
My kids automatically feel guilty after THE LOOK. The apologize and change their ways (usually, sometimes I have to go to consequences).

Oh man do mean-spirited adults get pissed when you give them THE LOOK. My neighbor and my in-laws reacted the same way. Something to the effect of "How dare you give me that look. You think you are better than I am?! " I play dumb and say something like "What do you mean? I am giving you a look?" It enrages them, but they stop and now all gossiping stops when I enter the room. Sure they are probably talking about me, but at least I don't have to hear the endless gossip.

Yes, my whole family gossips too. They live in an urban area, but it doesn't stop them! I know that if I tell any thing to any one of them (including my own mother) everyone will know. Very sad, my own mother did not like my husband, talked badly about us to everyone ("they are weird!"), and most of my relatives would not have much to do with us for a while.

Now Mom is elderly and wants me to be around all the time for help, with the family members who will not speak to me. I will help her, but the least amount I can.

My in-laws are both the same way.
Years ago my FIL told the whole family that my husband was a drug addict/crack head. When hubby was a freshman in college he smoked weed with friends, but quickly gave it up. My FIL found a joint in his room and flushed it down the toilet. After that he told all the relatives that his son was on drugs and to make sure random items of value were not out in the open. We found out from a cousin that his dad had told all his family this lie.
To this day, things are strained with the family and his father.

My MIL laughs and thinks this behavior is cute and funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL talks about everyones EVERYTHING!! She will talk to us about her husbands bowel movements. She tells us she let our dog out to take a dump. How he was wandering around the yard and started to squat, then got up and started squatting again and finally took a dump. OMG!! She talks about everyone constantly. I make sure she knows absolutely nothing about me and tell my husband that he can't say anything about me to her. UGH!!

We must have the same MIL. Is her name Star?

LOL. No Carole. If we had the same MIL I would know everything about you. Your bowel movements, how you get along with your neighbors, if your on the pill, what you let your kids eat......

It's a sociology experiment, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference between gossip and sharing news about family and friends?

Good question, but the answer is that you'll know it when you see it.

'Aunt Jeannie got divorced.'
-Or-
'Aunt Jeannie got divorced. Turns out she was in a heap of debt, she and Don hadn't been sharing a bed in years. Some people say he is gay, and then there was the time he drove out west for a month...'

(This is verbatim from the house of my in-laws.)

I have an Aunt Jeannie. I hadn't heard she got divorced. I knew she was funneling money from the joint account she shares with my mom. But I had no idea she was having an affair with a gay guy named Don (wouldn't that make him bi?). I know for a fact she's been sleeping in Joe's bed, and has been for years.

My ILs were gossiping pretty brutally one day, so I stood up and excused myself. I hadn't been participating except when directly addressed I would just say "that's not really any of my business" or "that seems pretty harsh". From the other room I could heard their voices hush, and pretty sure they had moved on to talking about me.

Definitely not a fun environment for me.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL talks about everyones EVERYTHING!! She will talk to us about her husbands bowel movements. She tells us she let our dog out to take a dump. How he was wandering around the yard and started to squat, then got up and started squatting again and finally took a dump. OMG!! She talks about everyone constantly. I make sure she knows absolutely nothing about me and tell my husband that he can't say anything about me to her. UGH!!

We must have the same MIL. Is her name Star?

My MIL talks about everyones EVERYTHING!! She will talk to us about her husbands bowel movements. She tells us she let our dog out to take a dump. How he was wandering around the yard and started to squat, then got up and started squatting again and finally took a dump. OMG!! She talks about everyone constantly. I make sure she knows absolutely nothing about me and tell my husband that he can't say anything about me to her. UGH!!

Is it that wrong to just sit silent and listen ? I assume this is about people you don't know, so you don't feel compelled to jump to their defense?

Maybe just deal with it like you would as a guest in a home where the conversation was generally boring, and be polite and get through it