Anonymous wrote:Join the club. I too bought my new DIL a gift she didn't like and had the nerve to tell me what am I supposed to do with THAT ?

It was a crystal piece used for entertaining. I thought she would like it because they're young, have friends, just bought a new home.

I said I'm sorry, I thought it was nice. Hell I offered to take it back, get her something else but she said no, I'll find somewhere to put it.

I had to bite my tongue not to say she could stick it up her ass. That is the last gift she will ever get from me. How rude.

I bet you will be out of the picture in a year. Pick your battles. This is not one of them. PS Next time give a gift card.

Your DS and DIL are making babies without being married and students, you mentioned money is tight. Spending on the damn dog would be low on my priority list if it were me, but that's just me.
Yeah, I would have gotten them both GC's for themselves, but since you didn't, it was pretty shitty of your son to mention it to you. Smile graciously and say thank you like he should.
And, lesson learned for you

If I'd received a gift like that, I probably wouldn't have been wowed, bc I wouldn't really see it as something for me. It is far from the worst holiday gaffe, though - it's not like you didn't get her anything, or gave her a gift certificate to a plus-size store when she's clearly not plus--size. It wasn't malicious, just a bit of a dud.

I agree with the others, though, that the person who was wrong here was your son for telling you. It's entirely possible that he had good intentions, letting you know how it was perceived to try to head off problems at the start and smooth it over. Being so young, though, they may not yet have the maturity to understand that one time for something minor could just be a misstep, and to hold off the big talks until it's something egregious or a pattern of behavior.

I can imagine how it stung, but hopefully, with the benefit of greater maturity, you can set this one aside as a gaffe of immaturity, and not let it taint your feelings toward you DIL or their marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Join the club. I too bought my new DIL a gift she didn't like and had the nerve to tell me what am I supposed to do with THAT ?

It was a crystal piece used for entertaining. I thought she would like it because they're young, have friends, just bought a new home.

I said I'm sorry, I thought it was nice. Hell I offered to take it back, get her something else but she said no, I'll find somewhere to put it.

I had to bite my tongue not to say she could stick it up her ass. That is the last gift she will ever get from me. How rude.

That's horrible! I wonder how kids/young adults end up so flipping rude like that? Unbelievable.

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son/daughter and law? You just had a baby, too? Sounds like a HUGE age difference, unless I am misreading something. Please clarify

To answer your question, daughter in law sounds like an ungrateful person. Son seems petty/dumb to bring it up to you---how could he possibly think that mentioning her dissatisfaction with the gift would endear her towards you, and pave the way to a healthy relationship?

FWIW, I think your gift was thoughtful and well-thought out.
Please ignore the rude comments from them as best you can, and move on.

Yes, huge age difference-the child of my early 20's and the child of my 40's

Thank you to you and other posters who have been supportive. I appreciate it. I was so suprised at their reaction. I do fear that we are not going to have a good relationship. I worry for him too-it's out of character for him to say stuff like that to me, not something he'd typically do on his own.

I let it go after our text chat. I acted like it was ok, even though it hurt me so much.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

Dog accessories aren't just for the dog. She can get cute collars and leashes or products that might make her life easier in dog-related things, like a really good brush, car seat cover, pet hair vacuum. I like buying our dog really good dog beds (no matter how good, they don't last forever), but they are really expensive. A lot of dog owners love buying things for their dogs. Maybe MIL perceived her new DIL as a "dog person," who would enjoy getting things for her dog.

Anonymous wrote:Oh no. Any way you could wrap up a lovely scarf and mail it to her with a Happy New Year card?

You are missing the point.

Join the club. I too bought my new DIL a gift she didn't like and had the nerve to tell me what am I supposed to do with THAT ?

It was a crystal piece used for entertaining. I thought she would like it because they're young, have friends, just bought a new home.

I said I'm sorry, I thought it was nice. Hell I offered to take it back, get her something else but she said no, I'll find somewhere to put it.

I had to bite my tongue not to say she could stick it up her ass. That is the last gift she will ever get from me. How rude.

Still in school? She won't be your DIL for long, don't worry!

Anonymous wrote:You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.

you are so not a dog person.

You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.

For your son's birthday, get him an Emily Post's Etiquette book.

Don't let your DIL (and/or your DS) start the telephone game of where she tells your DS and your DS tells you things. Once this becomes the norm, it will lead to no good end.

Just say to your DS, "Have Larla talk to me about this, honey. We're going to be together for a long time, so we have to learn to talk directly to each other!"

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

yeah, it was a little odd but Op doesn't have to explain her reasoning for giving the gift. Op's son really could have handled this better - reassured his new wife that his mom really does like her quite a lot and then on the next gift giving occasion offered his mom some gift ideas - "She would love Bath and Body Works shower gels, new gloves, etc"

Op - since your son is the one who brought this up, you can explain to him what your reasoning was and let him explain this to his wife. I would be casual about it and really avoid making a big deal out of this!

Why would your son even say anything to you? DIL is the one who needs to buck up and just be gracious. But your son was nuts to tell you about it. I mean, if you'd actually insulted her, he should step in and let you know her feelings were hurt. But this was a gift, not an insult.

I'm not going to sugar coat it: yes, my dh and I make comments to each other about the inlaws all the time. But rarely has it ever been necessary to actually intervene. We're adults, so we have to capability to laugh at the situation or at least vent to each other, and then get over it (and bite our tongues) because why create needless friction?

I think it's a nice gift OP. I would have appreciated it.