They come around every 5-6 weeks? And you drop everything to see them? That's your first mistake. Sounds like they are treated as the golden children and everyone is expected to plan their lives around them--you included.
I'm sorry that your feelings got hurt =( Now you know how things are always going to be though, you can live your life and let them come to you once in a while--you're worth it

Meant to add, it's okay to lose it and just cry for no reason sometimes. Just don't stay stuck there.

OP you sound just a little judgy about their partying (sleeping till 11, pajamas till 3)- that may come across to them, that you disapprove of them a bit. Try to get past that- nothing wrong with sleeping till 11 if you can swing it.
This is probably a phase and your relationship will get closer again in the future. Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:Oof. Rather than wait around at your mom's, I think you make specific plans with your brothers--actually, take it a step back. Reach out to your brothers. Tell them you love to see them, but you know they have lots of folks to see when they're in town, so you propose that *they* contact *you* if they think they'd have time and like to see you guys in advance of a visit.

You, stop dropping plans with other people when your brothers are in town. If they don't contact you enough in advance, oh well. And, realize that seeing them every visit is probably too much to expect right now. It sounds like they're just using your parents' house as a convenient place to crash while they catch up with their friends.

If you want to proactively see them, you call them up and invite them down for a day or a weekend and figure out a time that works for both of you together.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No advice just sympathy. My 7 year old son just realized my brother has no interest in being an uncle to him.

My brother loves to go to ball games or events with my kids but he doesn't really play Legos or anything with them. I love my nieces and will take them out, do their hair, make crafts, etc. but I can't do imaginary play. Doesn't mean I don't love them. Different strokes for different folks.

Let it go, OP. You can't have it both ways, having your mom bring them over and then complain that it's too much work for you.

Your baby brothers have their own lives now. They're at a phase where they're really not as interested in hanging out with you and your kids. Just let the phase pass, and soon enough they'll probably draw closer to you as they have kids or just mature more. And if they don't, what are you going to do, be miserable and drive everyone nuts with your complaints and demands and attempts to control? Let go and just enjoy what time you have with them, and look at this as a rehearsal for handling it gracefully when your kids get older and naturally start to draw away from you. That's a billion times tougher.

Don't involve your Mom.
Nothing hurts a Mom more than knowing her kids don't get along. Not saying you and brother don't get along, but still - don't involve your Mom. This means you don't complain to your Mother about your brothers. Involve her in the logistics when you need to - but she shouldn't be "bringing them over" or planning their/your time.

Op, it's very hard with brothers. Same of it is the age of yours. Mine comes to town 3-4 times a year and doesn't even let me know - and yet I know he adores me (in his own way) He would just rather see other people, his friends. I'm still trying to figure out my role.

"It sounds like you realize you need to lower expectations."

No - you need to CHANGE your expectations.
And stop being a doormat.

Anonymous wrote:Well, it seems like you're upset in part because:

- you have certain expectations of your brothers and family
- your mother has certain expectations
- and you and your brothers are in different life stages and priorities.

The only thing you can change of all of this is your own expectations.

Exactly. You also need to understand not everyone wants to play with your kids and no one finds them as interesting as you do.

No advice just sympathy. My 7 year old son just realized my brother has no interest in being an uncle to him.

You want them over, but you don't want to clean up after 9 people? You can't have it both ways. It sounds like your brothers are not that into you or your kids. Don't take it personally. It sounds like typical male behavior.

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

just for clarification - i've invited the sibs over multiple times in the past year - all to resounding "nos" - it is my mother who know insists that she will bring everyone over this wknd - while we have this massive renovation project under way that will require four times as much work as at any other time of the year.

sorry, now i'm feeling defensive.

Dude, almost everyone who has responded has been on your side. Now it's time to set some boundaries with your mother. Sorry, there's just no way around that. Your only other option is to continue to feel put upon.

Your decision.

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

just for clarification - i've invited the sibs over multiple times in the past year - all to resounding "nos" - it is my mother who know insists that she will bring everyone over this wknd - while we have this massive renovation project under way that will require four times as much work as at any other time of the year.

sorry, now i'm feeling defensive.

Just tell your mom no.

It sounds like you feel your mom isn't in your corner--and that perhaps mom needs someone to thwap her on the forehead and tell her it is not her job to micromanage her adult children's relationships.

Live your life and leave the door open for your brothers. It's the only sane way to live.

It may also be the only way to get the point across to them.

Reconcile yourself to change. Holidays make us think of traditions, the way things used to be. Evolve, honey.

Well, it seems like you're upset in part because:

- you have certain expectations of your brothers and family
- your mother has certain expectations
- and you and your brothers are in different life stages and priorities.

The only thing you can change of all of this is your own expectations.