Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever leave my 4 year with my 70 yo mil because she 1) thinks he doesn't need naps (he melts down without them 2) forces food on him (resulting in vomiting more than once 3) thinks I fasten the straps on his car seat too tight (I once caught her driving him in the front seat with no seat belt and not in his car seat (one was in her back seat) bc he cried about getting into it.

So...meh. She can visit whenever she wants but she is never ever going to be in charge. I am totally ok with the fallout that occurs as a result.

OMG, your MIL is a serious contender for worst MIL of the year with that. There was a post earlier this fall where a pregnant mom was sharing how she was concerned about her MIL invading her space once the baby was born. One poster shared how her MIL was banned from their house after she took the newborn baby to see a friend several hours away. I thought that post was the winner, but your is just as bad.

Anonymous wrote:ILs have offered to watch 2 year old DD while DH and I go on holiday for 3-4 days.

ILs are in their mid-70s, not particularly active, both have health problems If their inactivity and health problems will prevent them from taking care of your child, then you can't leave your child with them. By this, I mean, unable, not simply being slower than you and your spouse or less active, but unable.

, and their home is full of fragile (glass) and heavy items at child level that they never put away when we visit. unless you are aware of actual danger, I think it's crazy to think in terms of too many "what ifs". No two people child proof in the same way. I never child proofed at all and we never had a single accident due to the stuff I left out.

They're forgetful, and, so what?

they don't follow our rules when DD stays with them (meaning, naps, bedtime, the type of food we prefer), and even if we left them with a schedule and brought fresh foods or prepared fresh foods with us for DD, they would not give them to her. no biggie. Your child won't starve and when you get her back, she will easily go back on schedule. Kids are so adaptable.

I'm just not comfortable with this. This is your real issue. The other stuff is just attempts at justification. Sometimes it's a good idea to stretch your comfort level because it's good for everyone in the long run. It will be great for your DD to have these times with her grandparents. It will be great for you and DH to be able to have time alone. You likely will never have anyone else who loves and cherishes your DD this much offer to care for her.

Do I just deal with it and let them watch her so we get away or should we just go on holiday with DD (which would be fun, I think, she's at a lovely age!!)? [b]do both. It isn't an either or or.

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever leave my 4 year with my 70 yo mil because she 1) thinks he doesn't need naps (he melts down without them 2) forces food on him (resulting in vomiting more than once 3) thinks I fasten the straps on his car seat too tight (I once caught her driving him in the front seat with no seat belt and not in his car seat (one was in her back seat) bc he cried about getting into it.

So...meh. She can visit whenever she wants but she is never ever going to be in charge. I am totally ok with the fallout that occurs as a result.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will they consent to watch her at your house? It's easier to keep to her routines, and they can keep her in daycare (so food/nap/etc will be preserved and it will be easier for them).

From what you've said, there's no way I'd let them do full time care at their house.

I totally agree with this. And I'd probably make the first trip while you go do an overnight stay somewhere not too far away. I bet they would find the experience much more exhausting than they expect and be grateful to have you back. But you should really try to go and enjoy your couple time for a night. My mom feeds my kids McDonalds almost every day when she watches them and lets them watch a ton of TV. But they are safe and loved and have a great time making wonderful memories, and I don't worry about their safety. The safety part would be the deal breaker for me. But I wouldn't spend too much time dictating what they feed her or do with their time. Although in your own house, you can say, "We bought X, Y and Z food that she likes, so she should have plenty to feed her."