Cats are filthy and disgusting animals. Anyone who let's them live indoors is mentally ill. Same the dogs.

Tell them to get rid of the cats and decontaminate for a year or they won't have a relationship with your family.

Agree with other PPs. This is a medical issue. Medical issues supersede worries about hurting other people's feelings.

There is something else, here. Your DD needs to take her medical issue seriously, and if you cave in, you are modeling to your DD that you do not take your or her medical issue seriously. This is not good for the future, when your DD has to make her own decisions. She should not learn that other people's whims, or potential hurt feelings, are acceptable reasons to compromise her health. She needs to learn that her health is paramount and worth fighting for, and drawing a line in the sand for.

Now go to it, momma-bear. Get out your protective claws and make it right for your DD.

My DS has cat allergies. We don't go to people's houses with cats. It it what it is. Family health first.

Hotel...We do it without allergies..just for some space from our family which we truly love. There are just so many people 1 house can hold and my parents and sisters family fill it up. I would not be happy with DH on this one.

I'm crazy about my cats and totally understand that some people will not enter my house due to allergies. We meet up elsewhere. Problem solved!

Anonymous wrote:

My dear Lord, OP, just reading your post makes me angry for you!

DS and I have severe allergies to cat dander. There is NO WAY I would step into a house with unconfined cats and cat hair everywhere.

This is non-negotiable, period.

And I would throw a massive fit if DH thought fit to abandon us during the Holidays and stay at his folks if we were at an hotel.

Put your foot down. Either you are all at the hotel or none of you go.

I write the above (sorry for the typos). We once spent Christmas with my aunt in the country, and since it was a mild winter, she agreed to house the cat in the barn for the duration of our stay and to clean the house of cat hair before our arrival. I appreciated the gesture very much indeed, and was a very attentive and helpful house guest!

Another voice saying the grandparents are being unreasonable--and your husband is not being supportive enough! My parents love their cats, but they have gone out of their way to help mitigate their impact on the in-laws and grandchildren with mild cat allergies. (Cats have no access to the bedrooms where guests sleep, there are air purifiers, etc.) Your allergies sound much more severe, with all the more reason to take them seriously.

My dear Lord, OP, just reading your post makes me angry for you!

DS and I have severe allergies to cat dander. There is NO WAY I would step into a house with unconfined cats and cat hair everywhere.

This is non-negotiable, period.

And I would throw a massive fit if DH thought fit to abandon us during the Holidays and stay at his folks if we were at an hotel.

Put your foot down. Either you are all at the hotel or none of you go.

Another allergy sufferer here - it is so annoying how people minimize this. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Hotel is a must. If asthma is in the picture too then I would not even go to their house for more than an hour or so.

I think the in-laws and DH are unreasonable. So I would say DH could stay with his folks and you and the kids enjoy a local hotel with a pool and breakfast and point out it is a lot less work then on the in-laws. I be DH is just so helpful while there, too. But on the plus side for him, he will get to spend time with his folks. And you all will be a lot healthier.
He is really being irresponsible regarding your daughter's health. Doesn't he realize how allergies can lead to asthma and or a predisposition to pneumonia? And to say nothing of this being a horrible flu season.......Very irresponsible all around. I think a note from the pediatrician concerning her would certainly be helpful.

Don't go. You will be miserable.

If DH goes and sleeps on a blowup mattress on the floor, won't he be transporting dander back to your place?

Stay at a hotel. DH can go stay with mommy if he chooses to. Even if the cats are in the basement the dander is everywhere. Otherwise just stay home.

Wow, that's terrible. I can't believe your husband thinks his parents' behavior is fine. At most, I'd go visit their town, book a AirBnB with a kitchen, and offer to have Christmas dinner with them at our rental *without the cats*! If they decline that, I think it's fair to say last year was the IL's turn to host Christmas, this year you're spending it with your side of the family or just keeping it nuclear.