Anonymous wrote:No, it is not weird. She has a life. Unless you're paying her to stick around and help, I think it's unreasonable to expect that she'd cancel her plans.

This. Why do you feel entitled to her help? She has a life. Hire someone

Op ~ re: "help", you're not being specific enough in your post.

Anonymous wrote:You're NOT overreacting. She's a family member, albeit distant. She is living with you for FREE for occasional child care. She is paid for her other duties. This scenario is more than fair adn I would even say generous.

That she saw you struggling and didn't offer to help is disappointing. I can't imaging doing that. But, you can't do anything and shouldn't say anything. You lower your expectations and reconsider the lengths you would go to help her out when she needs it.

That's exactly what DH said.
He said I should lower my expectations and suck it up.

You're NOT overreacting. She's a family member, albeit distant. She is living with you for FREE for occasional child care. She is paid for her other duties. This scenario is more than fair adn I would even say generous.

That she saw you struggling and didn't offer to help is disappointing. I can't imaging doing that. But, you can't do anything and shouldn't say anything. You lower your expectations and reconsider the lengths you would go to help her out when she needs it.

I would have never expected anyone to offer to help, except my husband.

However, if she's 34, in college, apparently not working except to clean for you, so it's very obvious she's not a particularly motivated individual. I don't think she'd be proactive about much, including offering to help you.

You are more than overreacting - you are acting badly. Very spoiled and self-centered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you ask her for help? Just be direct, and polite. People aren't mind readers, especially college kids.

Because we didn't have the money to pay for her hourly rate and if we asked we'd had to pay. If she offered we'd def tip her but not pay as much as she charges - 22/h for 2 kids.

Then you have NO room to complain.

I agree. You have no reason to be upset, OP. You were not going to pay her to help out this weekend so she left. My boss is not paying me for Saturday so I'm not working either. I think you have a very entitled attitude, OP, and it is unbecoming to see you trying to play the victim here.

BTW we pay our sitter 21 an hour for one child. Not at all unusual to pay $22 for two children.

Anonymous wrote:No she should not have stayed and worked for free. C'mon OP, you're acting entitled.

+1 She is "hired help" and not family. You should not expect her to pitch in and work for free because she is the distant cousin to your husband.

Honestly, if she is 34 years old and does not pitch in around the house except for things she is paid to do, she probably should be paying something in rent. 22/hour for babysitting also sounds high for me.

In retrospect you could have said, hey distant cousin, since I'm having surgery in a couple weeks, do you think you will be around to lend a hand?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you ask her for help? Just be direct, and polite. People aren't mind readers, especially college kids.

Because we didn't have the money to pay for her hourly rate and if we asked we'd had to pay. If she offered we'd def tip her but not pay as much as she charges - 22/h for 2 kids.

Tbh that's a pretty terrible attitude OP. You've set up a business relationship with this cousin, and I think that needs to trump the family connection. I'm a nanny, and I help my sister with her kids for free all the time, but that is because we're family and we're close and she never expects anything from me. But if I had a more formal working relationship like you have, I would be very aware that offering hours for free could be a very slippery slope towards being taken advantage of.

She may have known since October about the surgery, but she probably assumed you would either ask her to work those hours or schedule more affordable help or closer friends/family to help out. When you didn't ask her, she made other plans, totally reasonable IMO.

Ok, while she may be in college, she's not colleges aged. However, she left for the weekend. Was she supposed to cancel her plans? I still don't think she as wrong. And gifts, tickets, and tips are all bonuses. Not pay.

Though she wasnt obligated to help, the fact that she didnt even offer to help a little shows a degree of selfishness and lack of empathy. So what if shes a college student, that doesnt give her a pass. I dont think you should be upset in the sense that she wasnt strictly required to help but i think you'd be correct to conclude that she doesnt have good manners. I would be upset if mykid did that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knew about the surgery since I scheduled it in October. I even scheduled her to clean the house the day of the surgery so id come to a clean home. She knew for a long time I would be off this week.

So she should stay and cater to you, unpaid??? Very entitled. You may be a pill for her to live with...

OP here. I was in her shoes before and I always helped my bosses and they were not even my relatives. Often times unpaid but they always tipped me well and gave me nice gifts and bonuses. That's how we operate with her. We shower her with gifts, tips, free tickets and treats but I guess you guys are right. She's clueless.
Btw she's my age. We're 34.

I'd be disappointed that she didn't offer to help, but what can you do? Truly, lower your expectations -- not everyone has that "helping" instinct. It sucks, but it is true. Sorry, OP, I hope your weekend is otherwise ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you ask her for help? Just be direct, and polite. People aren't mind readers, especially college kids.

Because we didn't have the money to pay for her hourly rate and if we asked we'd had to pay. If she offered we'd def tip her but not pay as much as she charges - 22/h for 2 kids.

Then you have NO room to complain.