I'm not sure why your parents are talking to you about their assets. Are they extremely wealthy? That would be my problem, not that they are giving it to charity, but they seem to want to make a point out of it, instead of just quietly doing what they want. Furthermore, if they're very wealthy, they can be giving it away right now instead of leaving an executor to handle it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

Ha! I doubt you'd be saying that if your were the one getting passed over. Sheesh, people.

I agree with posters--tell them to put it in trust either for grandkids or for your brother the $(%(*iup. A trustee will make sure he doesn't squander it.

You don't "tell" anyone what to do with their money. Sheesh, people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

Ha! I doubt you'd be saying that if your were the one getting passed over. Sheesh, people.

I agree with posters--tell them to put it in trust either for grandkids or for your brother the $(%(*iup. A trustee will make sure he doesn't squander it.

I'm sorry, OP, that feels awful. In their estates, my grandparents explicitly disowned my father (for reasons of family drama) and it was hurtful to him and to his children. None of us needed the money, or wanted it, but it still felt awful.

It's not your inheritance. It's their money. They have the right to dispose of their money however they wish. I don't know if your brother has kids; if you both do, you might suggest that your parents set up a trust for their grandkids' education. But the issue of their money is separate from the question of the dynamics between you and your brother and your parents, which frankly, sounds pretty dysfunctional.

Personally, I don't expect to get anything when my parents die. I hope they spend their money enjoying their retirement. The upside of not being wealthy is that you don't have to worry about crap like this.

I would be upset - not because they were leaving their money to charity (I actually think that's wonderful) but because they were doing it because someone other than me was irresponsible with the money. I don't believe that everything always needs to be exactly equal between siblings. My sister is 8 years younger than me and while she's a responsible, put together young lady, she has different needs than I do. So when she wanted to go to grad school, our dad helped to pay for it. When I wanted to go to grad school, he didn't help pay for it just because he helped my sister. I didn't need the help and so therefore, he didn't help. Doesn't mean that he thinks more highly of her than me.

What kind of charity will they be donating to? Hopefully one that addresses whatever issues your brother has.

OP, your title and subsequent posts contain an error. Your parents are leaving THEIR MONEY to charity. If you think about it that way (which is both technically and morally accurate), you'll be a lot better off.

I would be disappointed, but I would not claim to not feel "entitled" in a post where I refer to my parents' money as "my inheritance."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

It doesn't seem that complicated to me. I acknowledge my parents' right to do as they please; I'd never contest it. Yet, I have every right to feel however I feel about whatever.

It does not seem normal to me that my parents' charity would start that far from home. I might feel different if we were wealthy. Unfortunately, no trust funds here. So whatever few bucks we manage to save should go to family. I'm fine with the idea of leaving money to grandkids. But not strangers, no.

Ok, so you think you have every right to feel however. Just acknowledge you also feel entitled to their money. You don't get to say "I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset." Because, you DO feel entitled, which is why you're upset.

That's legitimate. Just let's not pretend like you don't feel entitled.

When my grandfather died (large estate), he left a big chunk of it to charity. But he let the family come up with the ways to donate it, and it was enough money to do something meaningful. It was a wonderful family exercise to get together and think about things that we wanted to do and that he would have found important.

Perhaps that is a way that you can be involved and satisfy your parents' desire to give to charity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

Oh come on. You genuinely don't see why that would be upsetting?
- not pp

No, I genuinely don't. Enlighten me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

It doesn't seem that complicated to me. I acknowledge my parents' right to do as they please; I'd never contest it. Yet, I have every right to feel however I feel about whatever.

It does not seem normal to me that my parents' charity would start that far from home. I might feel different if we were wealthy. Unfortunately, no trust funds here. So whatever few bucks we manage to save should go to family. I'm fine with the idea of leaving money to grandkids. But not strangers, no.

I'll be upset with my bro and punch him in the face or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

Oh come on. You genuinely don't see why that would be upsetting?
- not pp

Anonymous wrote:DHs parents are doing the same. Nearly 8 mil. I think it's a great idea and very generous.

I think it's generous too, although for me personally, any money inherit from my parents would be saved for my children, so they have a safety net in life.
I don't really understand leaving zip to the kids, unless they are wealthy. That being said, I expect and desire nothing from my parents and would much rather they use their resources to enjoy their retirement years -- they have been great parents to me and that is more valuable than anything else.