Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear OP- my DS had some problems in preschool too. A few hitting incidents and defiance. I agree with the posters recommending a dev pediatrician.

I wanted to say that it didn't end up as severe as I feared it would be-- turned out my son has some language impairments that he masked with long sentences and a big vocabulary.

We also suspect mild ADHD (un diagnosed as of yet).

My point is that preschool issues can seem quite dramatic and level out to something more mild as a child matures.

I smiled when you said "privileged." My DS comes from an environment that would be considered privileged- it didn't change his behavior one jot.

Thanks. My privilege reference was to the parents who have not had to deal with some of the "lesser" daycare settings

In my former job I have seen some of those "lesser" daycare settings, and there were definitely a lot of workers who didn't understand what was developmentally appropriate for children of different ages. I was horrified at some of the places, actually, at the lack of appropriate interaction with the children. So I wouldn't assume it's your kid.

Our son was kicked out of daycare at 2 and remained very challenging although our amazing nanny was very good with him. He did much better at home some felt that the daycare setting was just too much for him. He Was Evaluated At 3, suspected ADHD, sensory and anxiety issues . At 5 he is doing well. OT at school for sensory, weekly therapy for anxiety and dealing with feelings. He is not an easy kid but he has come so far and matured so much. Th ADHD issue is still out there but we will assess when he is a bit older and the impact is more evident.

I would investigate with a dev ped who can explore different possibilities. We saw Dan Shapiro ( also rec his classes)

3 yos can have mental health issues. My friend works in the field of "infant mental health." It's a real thing, but that phrase makes me so sad.

This was my son at 5. Hit and screamed at everyone in K, including his teacher. We also could tell he was understanding things at a higher intellectual level, but couldn't handle emotions. In 2nd grade we had him tested and it was also anxiety and OCD issues. He is now thriving in 6th grade but those first few years in school were hard (mostly on me . I would literally carry him out of school while he was hitting me. CBT did wonders for him. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear OP- my DS had some problems in preschool too. A few hitting incidents and defiance. I agree with the posters recommending a dev pediatrician.

I wanted to say that it didn't end up as severe as I feared it would be-- turned out my son has some language impairments that he masked with long sentences and a big vocabulary.

We also suspect mild ADHD (un diagnosed as of yet).

My point is that preschool issues can seem quite dramatic and level out to something more mild as a child matures.

I smiled when you said "privileged." My DS comes from an environment that would be considered privileged- it didn't change his behavior one jot.

Thanks. My privilege reference was to the parents who have not had to deal with some of the "lesser" daycare settings

Oops. Posted to soon. I didn't "mean to offend"was the last part

Not remotely offended-- I get what you're saying. I wish you the best of luck in helping your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear OP- my DS had some problems in preschool too. A few hitting incidents and defiance. I agree with the posters recommending a dev pediatrician.

I wanted to say that it didn't end up as severe as I feared it would be-- turned out my son has some language impairments that he masked with long sentences and a big vocabulary.

We also suspect mild ADHD (un diagnosed as of yet).

My point is that preschool issues can seem quite dramatic and level out to something more mild as a child matures.

I smiled when you said "privileged." My DS comes from an environment that would be considered privileged- it didn't change his behavior one jot.

Thanks. My privilege reference was to the parents who have not had to deal with some of the "lesser" daycare settings

Oops. Posted to soon. I didn't "mean to offend"was the last part

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear OP- my DS had some problems in preschool too. A few hitting incidents and defiance. I agree with the posters recommending a dev pediatrician.

I wanted to say that it didn't end up as severe as I feared it would be-- turned out my son has some language impairments that he masked with long sentences and a big vocabulary.

We also suspect mild ADHD (un diagnosed as of yet).

My point is that preschool issues can seem quite dramatic and level out to something more mild as a child matures.

I smiled when you said "privileged." My DS comes from an environment that would be considered privileged- it didn't change his behavior one jot.

Thanks. My privilege reference was to the parents who have not had to deal with some of the "lesser" daycare settings

Sorry to hear OP- my DS had some problems in preschool too. A few hitting incidents and defiance. I agree with the posters recommending a dev pediatrician.

I wanted to say that it didn't end up as severe as I feared it would be-- turned out my son has some language impairments that he masked with long sentences and a big vocabulary.

We also suspect mild ADHD (un diagnosed as of yet).

My point is that preschool issues can seem quite dramatic and level out to something more mild as a child matures.

I smiled when you said "privileged." My DS comes from an environment that would be considered privileged- it didn't change his behavior one jot.

Definitely go to a developmental ped. In this area, there is generally a 6-month wait.

Anonymous wrote:Is this school setting appropriate OP? Sounds like your child is very frustrated and they aren't able to help him feel calm and make better choices. It could be the school, especially if they are punitive or strict and not progressive, with a social-emotional focus.

I don't know. I don't think the lead teacher has the best skills. But definitely the more powerful parents are complaining. I've been in really crap situations before so the issues I've seen have been no big deal at all. But I could see where parents a little more privileged would be horrified.

Is this school setting appropriate OP? Sounds like your child is very frustrated and they aren't able to help him feel calm and make better choices. It could be the school, especially if they are punitive or strict and not progressive, with a social-emotional focus.

Anonymous wrote:I would start with a full developmental and medical evaluations to rule out anything medical first.

I agree. I'd skip the regular pediatrician and go to the developmental pediatrician. General peds typically don't have the needed expertise.

See a developmental pediatrician, as soon as you can. Dr. Shapiro takes patients under 4, if you can afford him. This could be a number of things. I'm sure the school's attitude toward this child doesn't help.

Have you (or the school--especially them) done any ABC data for the behavior (antecedent-behavior-consequence) to see if there is a pattern of what is happening? Three year olds act out--I suppose it could mean they have mental health issues, but most of the time, it just means they are 3 and are problem-solving the best way they know how, by taking direct action. Even if there is an underlying issue, having the behavioral data will help determine what is going on, and what the best way to deal with it is. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Mine too. He is now a well adjusted 13 year old. We did do a social skills class at Ivymount when he was four and five. That really helped. I think he was very smart, but immature emotionally. It showed up as impulse control issues: biting, hitting, pushing. He never initiated any of the physical stuff, but he always responded to it with more force than necessary. He grew out of it in 5th grade, but it was a real struggle. He had wonderful teachers that really worked with him to learn to disengage from a situation BEFORE it got out of control.

Good luck.

This is us. - OP at 3 and facing expulsion