Anonymous
Post 12/20/2014 22:42     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Perhaps he needs help in the shower but doesn't want to ask. Do you have a shower seat or can you borrow one?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2014 02:38     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is with these people who don't shower regularly?

I am the PP who posted that I shower two times daily - morning and evening. In all honesty I don't know any older person who does not shower at least once a day.


Then you don't know any old people. Fear of falling is huge. OP, you need to sit FIL down and talk about it. Most likely you need to buy some safety devices for the shower (grip, chair, mat) and/or have DH help him.


I do! I do!!

Well, I guess it depends on how one defines "old" but we are well, well past retirement and medicare eligible age. Just curious whether some of the people who don't shower, etc have always been like this or whether it is something that happened when they reached a certain age.

I plead guilt to one thing: I like to wear comfortable clothes and comfort takes precedence over style every time. When I "dress up" I can't wait to get home and change into something more comfortable. Now this is a change from when I was younger because I had to wear formal attire to work and it never seemed to bother me.

Anonymous
Post 12/20/2014 01:31     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Buy some Febreze.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2014 01:25     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is with these people who don't shower regularly?

I am the PP who posted that I shower two times daily - morning and evening. In all honesty I don't know any older person who does not shower at least once a day.


Male in his 30's here. I shower every 2-3 days during the week. It's lack of time. I work from home so don't need to be that "presentable", and DW will tell me if I don't smell so great.


It takes 10 mins to shower. You're too young to be that lazy
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2014 01:24     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:What is with these people who don't shower regularly?

I am the PP who posted that I shower two times daily - morning and evening. In all honesty I don't know any older person who does not shower at least once a day.


Then you don't know any old people. Fear of falling is huge. OP, you need to sit FIL down and talk about it. Most likely you need to buy some safety devices for the shower (grip, chair, mat) and/or have DH help him.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2014 23:33     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:What is with these people who don't shower regularly?

I am the PP who posted that I shower two times daily - morning and evening. In all honesty I don't know any older person who does not shower at least once a day.


Male in his 30's here. I shower every 2-3 days during the week. It's lack of time. I work from home so don't need to be that "presentable", and DW will tell me if I don't smell so great.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2014 23:21     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
What is with these people who don't shower regularly?

I am the PP who posted that I shower two times daily - morning and evening. In all honesty I don't know any older person who does not shower at least once a day.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2014 23:13     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Ew. What does he smell of? Grease? BO? Farts? Bad breath? Did he just fart or is your sofa actually smelling? My ILs don't bathe either. Fish and visitors smell in 3 days. All you can do is complain to your husband or when FIL gets up, put down something you can wash, but then watch him sit somewhere else. I think he has outstayed his welcome. Have you provided towels and soap, shown him the laundry room? At least he is conserving water.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 15:11     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:Could the issue be that he is afraid of slipping and falling in your shower? Your DH needs to talk to him to find out what is going on.


I'd look into this. We had this issue with my dad. My sister set up some grip bars in hi tub at home, and he started showering again! There are some you can get that are not permanently installed (they secure with suction and such). If he's at all frail, I'd look into this.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 15:06     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Op, as someone who works with the elderly there are a couple points I would like to make:
1. He may be becoming incontinent or have difficulty controlling his urine leaking . Think prostrate issue or valves not functioning 100%
2. His sense of smell may be decreasing , which exacerbates number 1 as they don't know it is happening
3. Early signs of dementia include lack of hygiene , body awareness in general
4. Fear of falling in a shower is HUGE, exacerbated if they have number 3
5. Uncertainty of how to work your shower , which due to all of the above or just 1 or 2 can make them avoid the whole deal
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 13:32     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Anonymous wrote:My FIL is visiting us for the holidays and came up the first week of December. He has showered once since being here and the places were he sits and hangs out are starting to smell a bit. He always sits in the same place on the couch (my brand new, microfiber) and it is smelly where he sits. The blankets and pillows in his guest bed are smelly too. I haven't said anything to my husband and wasn't sure if I should even mention it. I don't want to embarrass anyone. I never realized how bad my FILs hygiene was. Hes been wearing the same clothes also even though he packed a suitcase. Each day its the same shirt and pants. I dont think he has done laundry once. Do I suck it up and just get everything cleaned once the holidays are over? Or is there some way to say something? TIA


When I'm a guest in someone's home, I do take showers and baths as I feel necessary but I don't ask for my bedlinen to be changed. That's up to the host. I also change my clothes but I wait for the host to give me the green light to do laundry or to add my clothes to their laundry. I'd feel I'd be overstepping a boundary otherwise. Even with close relatives.

Is your bathroom accessible for older people? Is he maybe afraid of slipping, does he need a handrail to hang on? Are shelves and towels within easy reach?
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 13:28     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
My grandma was terrified of falling so OP is your shower senior citizen friendly (has a grip handle/seat)?

Your husband really need to talk to his father no matter how uncomfortable it is. Parents will tell their kids (teenagers) if they need to shower (they like it either). It is now our turn.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 13:24     Subject: Re:smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Older people think they aren't dirty if they never leave the house. Your husband needs to ask his father if he would like to shower and wash his clothes. It probably doesn't even dawn on the father that he's dirty.

Another thing to try is ask about what soap and deodorant he likes, is the washing detergent too harsh for his skin. Then say you're going to the store and will pick up what he likes.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 13:15     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
My mom is the same way. Showers are so nice! Why won't she take one anymore? Why??!

But in your case, I would walk around with a laundry basket tonight and say, "I'm doing some laundry! Why don't you toss that clothes in here?"
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 11:37     Subject: smelly houseguest..say something or let it go?
Could the issue be that he is afraid of slipping and falling in your shower? Your DH needs to talk to him to find out what is going on.