OP - just wanted to remind you that there is an option to work things out. You still have not had a discussion with him. I don't know the extent of your problems. But an affair doesn't have to be the end -- unless you want it to. You would not be wrong to leave. But you would not be wrong to stay either.

Just something to consider.

OP no advice, but virtual hugs. Good luck!

You should have been giving him more sex. How many times per week do you do it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Or maybe her husband is terrible in bed. Or maybe her husband is a jerk.

Yep. Or the husband is lying about no sex being the reason- but that's crazy talk. Because a cheater would never lie about anything, right?

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

Don't listen to this ignoramus.

Assuming this is the marital home, you have no more right to kick him out than he does to kick you out.

If you feel endangered in some way you would need to get a court order to have him leave the house but you cannot just take it on your self to pack his stuff and change the locks.

The best advice offered you is to get yourself a lawyer if you think you are going to want a divorce.

well, he does sound like a coward so his txting may have been intentional...or Freudian or something other than just an accident.

Has your husband been trying to communicate about this? Be sure to communicate on your terms. And listen to PP who said to keep a journal. It's amazing the detail you'll forget, how you'll forget the timing, etc.

I wouldn't normally recommend bringing the other woman into the situation but since you said you thought it was a first meeting, I would suggest considering reaching out to her (he obviously has her number since he was trying to txt her) to let her know the man she just met up with is married with kids and you'd appreciate her stepping off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Or maybe her husband is terrible in bed. Or maybe her husband is a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:Hire a lawyer who regularly handles contested family law matters, and get a first meeting asap. Keep a journal- you'll soon forget facts. Have your lawyer write him a letter to vacate the family home. Don't let the fact that the holidays are coming up be used as a ploy to stay together. Get counseling. Confide in 1-2 close family or friend (mom, best friend) - you will need emotional support and also help with the kids during the holidays especially

His lawyer will advise him to NOT leave the family home. I always tell men this. It's abandonment and will affect custody. Most men expect 50% joint custody.

OP here thanks I strangely feel better sharing this with someone. The presentation went fine.

I know its not my fault. It is a choice to cheat. Any problems in my marriage are joint, I play a role and so does he. We have had problems and ups and downs like most and yet I never cheated. However, it is not on me what he choose to do next. If you are hungry and go to Safeway and steal, it is still wrong. I think its a coward's way out to just try to find someone else.

Part of me thinks he maybe wanted me to see it? Who would be that stupid to text wife instead of love interest. I am grateful I didn't have to suffer not knowing.

Thanks for support.

Hire a lawyer who regularly handles contested family law matters, and get a first meeting asap. Keep a journal- you'll soon forget facts. Have your lawyer write him a letter to vacate the family home. Don't let the fact that the holidays are coming up be used as a ploy to stay together. Get counseling. Confide in 1-2 close family or friend (mom, best friend) - you will need emotional support and also help with the kids during the holidays especially

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Ignore this troll. It's the persistent bitter misogynist. He says the same thing every thread -- any problem is the woman's fault for not giving enough sex or asking that the husband be a partner in any way. She should just be a slave, and otherwise he can/should leave her. He's crazy and boring.

Actually, SHE is the one who identified that reason.

No, you idiot. She said that's what the husband said. Get a clue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Ignore this troll. It's the persistent bitter misogynist. He says the same thing every thread -- any problem is the woman's fault for not giving enough sex or asking that the husband be a partner in any way. She should just be a slave, and otherwise he can/should leave her. He's crazy and boring.

Actually, SHE is the one who identified that reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

It actually does though. She'll keep the kids until the custody/visitation is worked out and then he'll have them half the time. Are you new? How many fathers have you seen leaving their wives with two young kids in tow?

Not the PP here, but perhaps you are no longer aware that judges nowadays don't immediately hand the children to their mothers. I have two friends that have lost custody to the father of their children pretty much solely because he made more money than them and could "provide" better.

OP, absent his agreement, a pitbull lawyer or seriously extenuating circumstances, your husband will likely get some kind of shared custody. Having a positive relationship with both parents is important for kids.

I am divorced and while my divorce was not anywhere near as contentious as yours is likely to be, it was certainly not an easy time in my life. Wishing you peace and swift resolution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Ignore this troll. It's the persistent bitter misogynist. He says the same thing every thread -- any problem is the woman's fault for not giving enough sex or asking that the husband be a partner in any way. She should just be a slave, and otherwise he can/should leave her. He's crazy and boring.