Anonymous wrote:Why not donate?

It's actually quite hard to donate. Most clinics around here won't facilitate it. You have to keep paying storage fees until you find a recipient. The embryo adoption/donation world is very politicized. It's a shame because if there was an easy, seamless way to donate many people would, and many others would benefit.

Why not donate?

We're struggling with this decision too. It's hard to know there could be children out there that are yours, isn't it?! DH isn't sure about donation because he'd feel responsible for those children.

It's funny, I was talking with my grandmother about it. Maybe because she is in a different phase of life and has lost so much of her siblings and friends already (she's 85), but she thought donation was the way to go. "Think about what a gift you are giving to your kids. Who wouldn't want more siblings out there?!" What a beautiful thing, to know your family is larger.

I tend to see all the complications with donation, and I want to have CONTROL. Her perspective helped me see the positives to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently tried and failed to find a research program that would accept our blastocysts. We picked up the straws and I held them, let them defrost, burned some incense, and cried. I don't think they're babies, but it represents the end of possibility (we have one child). Very difficult, but I feel some relief now that the decision is made, and it'll be good not to be paying for it any more.

How beautiful.

I honestly can't tell if you're being sarcastic.

Not the pp, but this post touched me. Thanks for sharing!!
Yes beautiful!

PP's situation is different than yours and she is allowed to feel however she wants about her leftover embryo. If you do not feel the same about yours, that is fine, too, but please don't try to tell her it isn't a valid reason to have another child.

At the end of the day we all have to live with our decisions and those decisions are never made flippantly without a lot of thought and rationalization.

Anonymous wrote:I did IVF 5 years ago. We had two perfect blasts, picked one and now have a beautiful 4 1/2 DS. The other embryo has been frozen, since we had a second DS 2 years latter naturally. DH and I decided we couldn't deal with the complete randomness of having of DS chosen over the embryo. We were always torn about having two or three children so we decided to go for the FET. I just started the cycle on BC and will do the FET in the middle of January. I'm very nervous because of the mixed feelings (feeling blessed with two healthy children and not yearning for another but also wanting to give this frozen embryo a chance). It is a very personal decision and you have to do what makes the most sense for you and your family. For us, if we had had more than one frozen we would have destroyed them, it was the fact that our DS was "chosen over the other embryo".

OP I am sorry but that does not sound like a good reason to have another child. We have 8 frozens, and while we have feelings about them, we are not going to have 8 kids to "give them all a home"

donate to a couple.

I'm between donating to science and donating to another couple.

I can't see myself allowing them to just thaw out, but we aren't sure if we want more children.

As another poster said, I am pro-choice but do feel like life starts at conception so this is very difficult. That being said, my children came to me this way and I don't regret my IVF decision at all.

We don't know yet. Have thought about donation. Thanks for the discussion! This is hard stuff

Anonymous wrote:We held on to them for several years just to be sure that we were done done. Morbid, but we wondered if our kid(s) died would we want to try for another kid. Once we were way past the diapering stage we decided we were done.

^ and we donated to science.

We held on to them for several years just to be sure that we were done done. Morbid, but we wondered if our kid(s) died would we want to try for another kid. Once we were way past the diapering stage we decided we were done.

We have four really healthy 5 day embryos stored from a DE cycle and I am currently pregnant with a baby from that cycle. We have an older DS from another DE cycle that didn't have any embryos to freeze. We are definitely done at two and, if this baby is born healthy, we will have to decide what to do with the other four embryos. I would really like to donate them to another family because I know how difficult our struggle with infertility was and because I know that the donor's eggs have resulted in babies in two other cycles besides ours, so I feel like the embryos are likely to be successful for somebody. My husband is hesitant to donate them and I feel like his opinion gets more weight because it is his genetic material and not mine. I can't see how more babies from my wonderful, genius of a husband in the world could be a bad thing even if we aren't raising them.

Donate to science or an interested person/couple that is hoping to conceive...

We have 2 kids, 20 month old DD and five year old DS, and two good but not great embryos in storage. I think about them a few times a week, and would love to have another child. DH initially didn't, but he talks about wanting another now, too. But since we have two kids already, I am reluctant to try for a third because of my age (41; the embryos are from my 39 year old eggs and a 20 something sperm donor) and because I worry about a special needs child, since I want to be able to devote a lot of my time to my current children, and I worry a special needs child would mean much less time for my older kids.

It is a hard decision. As someone who is pro choice but believes life begins at conception after seeing the clump of cells that became my daughter, I don't know what we'll do if we decide not to keep paying $500 in storage every year. Embryo donation sounds like the best option, though I think I'll wonder about "my" kids out there. We considered not trying for DC2 after the hell of infertility treatments the first time around, and now can't imagine life without her, and I imagine it would be the same if we tried with embryos three and four (and if they took, of course. The fear of trying, getting pregnant, and having a miscarriage also weighs on me).

Good luck with your decision.

I did IVF 5 years ago. We had two perfect blasts, picked one and now have a beautiful 4 1/2 DS. The other embryo has been frozen, since we had a second DS 2 years latter naturally. DH and I decided we couldn't deal with the complete randomness of having of DS chosen over the embryo. We were always torn about having two or three children so we decided to go for the FET. I just started the cycle on BC and will do the FET in the middle of January. I'm very nervous because of the mixed feelings (feeling blessed with two healthy children and not yearning for another but also wanting to give this frozen embryo a chance). It is a very personal decision and you have to do what makes the most sense for you and your family. For us, if we had had more than one frozen we would have destroyed them, it was the fact that our DS was "chosen over the other embryo".