Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 23:12     Subject: Re:Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
How does she have access to the baby to give a pacifier? If my MIL behaved that way, she wouldn't get into my house. Long ago, I stopped facilitating my husband's relationship with his mother. It's up to him to call her and make plans to spend time together. He doesn't do that so we only see her when I make the plans. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her birthday.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 22:43     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
The problem isn't the honey-filled pacifier or the fact that she hasn't taken a grandparenting class (seriously? that's just nutty.) It's clearly the way you two interact. She may think she's always right, but if your DIL comes flying at you 20 years down the road because you did something that today would be considered perfectly safe, you might get your hackles up too. There are things that have changed in the last 20 years are so. Just update her, tactfully. If she still can't take instruction when it's put to her nicely, then that's another matter.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 22:40     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:I don't even want her around DD anymore, she is so ignorant of this culture and has so many backwards ideas about raising children she likes to enforce on me.


OP, it's a marathon, not a sprint. You've got both a generational divide and a cultural divide going. It's not insurmountable. Start a new thread on how to manage it.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 22:32     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
How did she fill the pacifier with honey and how would the 2 mos old break the pacifier to get the honey?
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 21:55     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
My grandmother told me that when my mother was an infant the nanny would put honey on her (the baby's) lips at the end of the day if she was crying for milk. The reason was that the nanny wanted her to wait for my grandmother to come and nurse her. She would smack her lips for half an hour. This was before breast pumps existed.
Times have changed. My MIL sometimes does things I don't agree with. In the beginning she would be headstrong about it, but over time she has started to listen to me more.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 20:31     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Which culture is she familiar with?


Ha ha. Child rearing practices have changed radically since when your DH was a baby. However, your reaction seems extreme. So, I am thinking there is previous baggage.

I predict this thread will devolve into....american culture vs. other culture...MIL vs DIL...pacifier vs. non-pacifier in short notice..


Li could care less if she gave DD a pacifier, but now I know she is not safe for DD. She doesn't care what I think or what American doctors say, she is always right and will do as she pleases.[/quote


I think this is the real problem.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 18:40     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it helps, OP, I looked up some information on honey and infants. In California, 550,000 babies were born and the number of babies with infant botulism from honey were 6.3 per 100,000 live births. So about 30 cases a year in California.

http://www.cdph.ca.gov/data/statistics/Documents/Infant%20Botulism-EpiSummary-July09.pdf

http://www.cdph.ca.gov/data/statistics/Documents/VSC-2008-0201.pdf

So infants do get botulism from honey, if you need statistics to show to your DH and MIL.

I wouldn't be combative about this, as PP noted, parents may not know about current car seat recommendations, SIDS back-to-sleep, or honey. We educate them as we go along.


OK, but just so as not to be misleading, make sure you also tell her that the case fatality rate among hospitalized infant botulism cases is less than 1 percent.


OK, great less than 1% died, but who wants an infant with botulism?
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 18:37     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Which culture is she familiar with?


Ha ha. Child rearing practices have changed radically since when your DH was a baby. However, your reaction seems extreme. So, I am thinking there is previous baggage.

I predict this thread will devolve into....american culture vs. other culture...MIL vs DIL...pacifier vs. non-pacifier in short notice..



Gimme a break. Both sets of grandparents acknowledge there have been research and medical advances in the last 3-4 decades that have improved child rearing practices and lowered risks. If super sweet honey is now a risk factor, update them! And have them always ask first.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 18:06     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
What kind of pacifier can be filled with honey? I would have lost my marbles if someone did that to my baby. There really is a huge risk of botulism.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:52     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to watch her more carefully. It is the grandparent's responsibility to learn these things, if they do not want to be supervised. My parents were a pain about this too, but I did not relent and eventually they improved.

I'm still really angry that they made it my responsibility to personally educate them about every single thing that had changed since 1982.

OMG!
It's your baby, what were they supposed to do take a class when you were pregnant???
It's been decades since they had infants!


Read, omg, a baby book. That is what the books are for. And plenty of grandparents take a class. http://blog.aarp.org/2012/05/07/amy-goyer-grandparenting-classes/

I expected my parents to care about their grandchildren's safety, and make an effort. I was very disappointed. I educate them plenty, but unsupervised time is a privilege to be earned. Not a right to be taken for granted, even if you have somehow managed to live in the USA your entire life without ever even hearing of SIDS. Maybe my parents are particularly obtuse, but I had to take a hard line.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:46     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:I would be so upset. Infants can be killed by eating honey. I would not trust her alone with my baby after that happened.


I agree. I'd be really upset too.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:43     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
OP,

All of us had parents, ILs, friends, neighbors, acquaintances who were unaware about what was safe/unsafe for babies. So, you educate them as you interact with them.

Yes, there is no need to ask anyone to look after your baby if you are uncomfortable. You can always look after your baby yourself. That is your new role in life anyways.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:39     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:You have to watch her more carefully. It is the grandparent's responsibility to learn these things, if they do not want to be supervised. My parents were a pain about this too, but I did not relent and eventually they improved.

I'm still really angry that they made it my responsibility to personally educate them about every single thing that had changed since 1982.

OMG!
It's your baby, what were they supposed to do take a class when you were pregnant???
It's been decades since they had infants!
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:23     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Watch out for mothballs. Another thing that is toxic to babies and grandparents often have no clue.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 17:12     Subject: Honey filled pacifier. Wtf?
Anonymous wrote:If it helps, OP, I looked up some information on honey and infants. In California, 550,000 babies were born and the number of babies with infant botulism from honey were 6.3 per 100,000 live births. So about 30 cases a year in California.

http://www.cdph.ca.gov/data/statistics/Documents/Infant%20Botulism-EpiSummary-July09.pdf

http://www.cdph.ca.gov/data/statistics/Documents/VSC-2008-0201.pdf

So infants do get botulism from honey, if you need statistics to show to your DH and MIL.

I wouldn't be combative about this, as PP noted, parents may not know about current car seat recommendations, SIDS back-to-sleep, or honey. We educate them as we go along.


OK, but just so as not to be misleading, make sure you also tell her that the case fatality rate among hospitalized infant botulism cases is less than 1 percent.