Anonymous wrote:I'm a very reasonable, non-vindictive, drama-free person so my cheating husband had it easy. He only lost his family and his home. I didn't broadcast what he did, drag his name through the mud, confront the OW, create a public spectacle, tell the kids, tell our relatives, or anything like that. But all of those are very real possibilities. And even without all that, I'm certain he regrets it.

Very real possibilities. Exactly what happened when my mom found out. He lost everything, and my brother got to grow up with divorced parents. Woohoo!

Anonymous wrote:

Cheating has ZERO to do with the kids.

What horseshit. You are so, incredibly wrong. OP asks about the bad things that happen when you cheat, people respond that the impact on the kids is devastating, and you say that cheating has zero to do with the kids?

Don't go out of your way to tell them? Fine. But they are still harmed when the marriage is damaged. They're harmed further still when they discover, one way or another, why their family life was damaged. Nobody told me that my dad was sleeping with the neighbor lady when I was 2. But, I grew up and did the fucking math, and got angry. Got even angrier at my Dad when I had kids of my own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a child, I was in a very serious car accident. Nobody could find my mom, for hours, my dad was frantic. Turns out, she was off in a hotel with another guy, an hour away, with her phone off. So, that's how we all found out.

There were cell phones when you were a child?

It was 2001, and I was 11... I suppose you could say I was a tween. Old enough to understand exactly what was going on!

http://www.webdesignerdepot.com/2009/05/the-evolution-of-cell-phone-design-between-1983-2009/

Anonymous wrote:When I was a child, I was in a very serious car accident. Nobody could find my mom, for hours, my dad was frantic. Turns out, she was off in a hotel with another guy, an hour away, with her phone off. So, that's how we all found out.

There were cell phones when you were a child?

Op, you work at a day care and his DC is there?

When I was a child, I was in a very serious car accident. Nobody could find my mom, for hours, my dad was frantic. Turns out, she was off in a hotel with another guy, an hour away, with her phone off. So, that's how we all found out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's much better when the other woman IS married because then they both have something to lose. This chick is gonna fall in love and then tell his wife.

OP here. Nope this chick is divorced and a bit older. She is going to be using HIM for sex. I see him falling in love first if at all. He's just a foolsih risk taker. The guy who would jump off the second story from the frat house in college and laugh about it.

He sounds really immature.

yes! warn him. but people often don't listen. you have to find a way to reach him before he does something stupid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this talk about children finding out is pretty f*cked up.

My ex cheated. I would NEVER, EVER tell my DD about it. She is young and doesn't need to know these kinds of things. Maybe when she is over 18 and wants to know what happened, I'll fill her in. But even then, does it matter? I want her raised to respect both her mother and myself. And as long as she is a good mother to my daughter, then I'm fine. I'm not going to try and influence how my child sees her mother......that is immature.

You are a fool if you think your kids will never find out.

Never finding out is one thing. Of course they do. But if you immediately tell them that mom cheated with another man while they are 10 years old....you are a horrible parent. And I know people do it in hopes to turn their children against their ex too.

Cheating has ZERO to do with the kids. So there is no reason to tell them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this talk about children finding out is pretty f*cked up.

My ex cheated. I would NEVER, EVER tell my DD about it. She is young and doesn't need to know these kinds of things. Maybe when she is over 18 and wants to know what happened, I'll fill her in. But even then, does it matter? I want her raised to respect both her mother and myself. And as long as she is a good mother to my daughter, then I'm fine. I'm not going to try and influence how my child sees her mother......that is immature.

You are a fool if you think your kids will never find out.

What if they know that Mommy is a Debbie Downer and that Daddy had needs and as they become mature they understand the decisions that were made.

Anonymous wrote:All this talk about children finding out is pretty f*cked up.

My ex cheated. I would NEVER, EVER tell my DD about it. She is young and doesn't need to know these kinds of things. Maybe when she is over 18 and wants to know what happened, I'll fill her in. But even then, does it matter? I want her raised to respect both her mother and myself. And as long as she is a good mother to my daughter, then I'm fine. I'm not going to try and influence how my child sees her mother......that is immature.

You are a fool if you think your kids will never find out.

Better off with a prostitute. They wont have feelings and wont tell.

Anonymous wrote:All this talk about children finding out is pretty f*cked up.

My ex cheated. I would NEVER, EVER tell my DD about it. She is young and doesn't need to know these kinds of things. Maybe when she is over 18 and wants to know what happened, I'll fill her in. But even then, does it matter? I want her raised to respect both her mother and myself. And as long as she is a good mother to my daughter, then I'm fine. I'm not going to try and influence how my child sees her mother......that is immature.

Actually I found out on my own-- happened to be at the same park where they were taking a walk, and saw them kissing from a distance. Cheaters think they are being careful, but once a teenager gets suspicious it is very hard to stop them. And of course, once they find out about the cheating, they will have no qualms about further invading their parent's privacy, lying to them, etc..

All this talk about children finding out is pretty f*cked up.

My ex cheated. I would NEVER, EVER tell my DD about it. She is young and doesn't need to know these kinds of things. Maybe when she is over 18 and wants to know what happened, I'll fill her in. But even then, does it matter? I want her raised to respect both her mother and myself. And as long as she is a good mother to my daughter, then I'm fine. I'm not going to try and influence how my child sees her mother......that is immature.

40 years later, and I still resent my dad for cheating on my mom. Whatever else may be going on in my marriage, I won't cheat because losing the respect of my children for the rest of my life and theirs isn't worth it.